I can't seem to pull it together, and haven't been able to for months.
I'm late for work and class all the time. It's now over half an hour late daily. Either I can't wake up in time, or get distracted and loose track of time, or spend too much time doing oddities (washing my hands for 20 minutes, repeating things, worrying, praying, counting doing things or hand washing).
I don't sleep well. I rarely make it to sleep by 2 or 3 or 4 a.m. If I don't have to be somewhere the next morning, it's more like 8 or 9 a.m. that I fall asleep by.
I can't seem to focus on tasks. I make a to do list, and procrastinate it. I do tasks too late, or take too long doing them. Simple things like applying to a school or registering for classes are a huge burden for me. Remembering to mail a letter, even, is a task. Everything is a task. I've let my room become a mess. I shower twice a day, so rarely fix my hair (it'd take too long doing it twice). I muster up decent looking outfits. I'm constantly sleepy and tired. I get headaches at least a few times a week. Sometimes I get sick to my stomach, likely because of ridiculous anxiety. I've had high anxiety to the point of causing digestive issues (um..., yeah, gross). I get nervous around crowds. I get nervous going to the store or being out somewhere. I get nervous eating at the cafeteria. I'm nervous around friends. Basically, I'm always nervous doing anything, everywhere. Everything seems to make me nervous- things I can't find a solution for, driving, life, bills, goals in life. I'm over my head in student loans. I don't make enough money. I can't focus on my classes. I'm not very confident. Things seem to 'pile up' so easily now, whereas I used to could handle plenty at once.
It seems like I've been 'not pulled together' for like 6 months- maybe not depressed, but not un-dressed, either.
A doctor or psychologist is out of the question, since I'm already over my head in trying to pay for school. I've tried vitamins and supplements from the grocery store. I've tried drinking less caffeine. I've tried to do lists, trying to go to sleep earlier, and trying to just be myself. I've tried spending more time with friends (I have a few, don't seem them often enough). I've tried eating better. I've tried everything I can think of.
I have very little motivation. There's plenty I should have done long ago, especially in trying to finish school. But, I just can't seem to do it.
I don't have a legitimate reason for being pathetic for this long. Several people close to me (a family member, and several friends) died recently. But even before that, for months, I was like this.. so that's not much of an excuse.
What self-help can I try? Is this just "life," and I need to suck it up and deal with it?
Notice: Psych Central Answers shut down to new questions on January 11, 2013.
Looking for a place to ask your question? Sign up today for our community (you'll need a separate account than the one you use here), and ask away!
Ask and answer questions about mental health and relationship issues in a safe & supportive environment. If you ask a question, you will have to answer someone else's first, in order to give back to others here.