Avatar Posted by BlackCatTuesday 41 days ago (Question)
H ave you ever been so afraid of being attacked or hurt that you would try to stay on guard constantly? If you asked me this question about a year ago, I would answer yes. Why did I feel like this? I am still wanting to find out. I will find out in the future.

I was born the youngest of 4 in a small town in the middle of nowhere, West Virginia. I never felt like I was home there. I wanted to live in cities like Los Angeles, CA or Seattle, WA or some city like that. I wanted to live in a big city. I was a product of a high risk pregnancy and I had motor difficulties in my early childhood. The doctors thought I was Autistic, yet they never fully diagnosed me with it. I can't remember anything before I was 8, which I think may be unusual? I do remember what my mother told me.

In my freshman year of high school, I started experiencing extreme crying fits and cutting episodes, along with hallucinations, which would make me scream into nothingness. I feel like without them I would be lonely, so I never told anyone, not wanting them to leave. Even though, they were upsetting me and blatantly insulting me every minute of every hour of every day of every week and of every year. I would cut just to appease them, they seemed to want me to harm myself. I wanted them to be happy. I want everyone to be happy, no matter what I have to do to appease someone, I will do it. It continued into my Sophomore year, then my mother noticed the scars and forced me to go to the psychologist. After seeing me for a while, they diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic Features. I was put on Prozac and Risperidal. It was all well, until my Junior year. I thought I was better, so I quit the medicine. Needless to say, the voices continued again. I started cutting more than I ever had and eventually cut a vein and ended up the next day in the hospital. they sent me to a hospital in Pennsylvania and I stayed there for a while.

I am now a Freshman in College and a pre-law major. I want to know if there is a possibility that I might go into this again? And if it will be worse, if it does? Is it possible that it could be worse than Psychotic Depression, like Schizophrenia, Schizotypal, or Schizoid Personality? Is it even possible to fully recover from this disorder, without any relapses? if anybody can answer these question, it will be greatly appreciated.


Answers

Written by Clyde 41 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Yes, it can happen that you have a relapse, especially after you stopped taking the medication, and yes, without the medication, it can definitely become stronger.

Can you please go back to a doctor and get help for this? Do you like being like that?

Best,

Clyde

Written by Chemar 41 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi

I agree with Clyde that you need to stay tuned in with a doctor who can rx your meds again if you need them.

it really isnt worth taking a chance on a relapse and not having the correct meds. College can be stressful and sometimes stress can trigger things.

also only a qualified doctor can really help with a complete diagnosis

when there are issues that cause episodes like you sadly experienced, it is really important not to stop taking what helps just because you feel better...you stabilized because of your meds so you are IMHO taking chances by not staying on them, or at least being under the care of a therapist.

hope all works out well for you

Written by JunieBeatrice 41 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi. I just wanted to say that I know that taking the medication can sometimes be yucky and sometimes there are bad side affects and sometimes it seems like it would be better without it, but the medication does help and if it is not helping properly, tell your doc so that it can be fixed. Relapse is always possible but sometimes you can start to tell if you are sliding into one. Pay attention to yourself and what triggers you and if you start thinking that the medication is not needed then that might be a precurser to the relapse. If you get in a zone where it is hard to take the medication, maybe have someone that helps keep you accountable. Ultimately you are responsible for taking your medication and it is your choice to take it or not take it, but sometimes you can have an "accountability partner" someone who will help keep you on track or may notice if you start to not do well. It obviously needs to be someone you trust and is a good friend, hopefully. Best of luck in college and health. Junie


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