Avatar Posted by TERESA 65 days ago (Question)
Working with my Therapist on memories repressed and we did more EMDR. The problem is when we do this, I am getting more memories, they are not always big memories (or so you would think) but many small memories of small details but definitely surrounding the instances of abuse and related.
The problem is that when we do the EMDR it opens up the path for more memories and so this is the point I am at. My therapist says I got to let the memories flow in so that I can get past them. I usually write so this will be the method of release but I do not always feel better for days at a time and the incessant writing although medicinal is not the end all. I am looking for other suggestions so I can deal and let go of these. I am so upset sometimes with the reality of the memories and I just need help coping with them. Last weekend was horrid and I hate the way I feel for days at a time .... any suggestions about how to deal with the memories in way that is less taxing ??


Answers

Written by bellacutie 65 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Sorry you're having a difficult time. In your previous question I gave you some suggestions - did you have a chance to read the answers to your last question titled 'antidepressants"?

Written by TERESA 62 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I forgot that you had given me suggestions, and went back to re-read. Yup, they are good reccomendations. Sometimes i have to remind myself and re-read suggestions .... easy to forget when you get wrapped up in junk...Thanks. I am hoping this time around I will feel ok with everything.

Written by bellacutie 65 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I understand - I become forgetful too when under stress, so it must really be difficult for you. While eating dinner I was thinking about your situation with your therapy - visually I can see it like those dolls you can buy and when you open it, there's are smaller one and another until you finally get to the end. Or you can imagine it's like a ball of yarn, that's slowly being unravelled. It may feel like it's never ending, but it will eventually become easier to cope with. I hope you get relief soon Theresa. Hugs, Bella :)

Written by TERESA 60 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thank you Bella ...incase I didnt send the other message to you the correct way!

Written by nancyboyer 62 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I to had to relive all my memories.I had stuff it in for so long and my walls were high. It was the hardest thing I ever did and I hated it,.. sometimes it hurt so much I wanted to die,but after a long time and a lot of work.I have seen the light at the end of my path and yes it is very hard.to feel those feeling, thoughts and memories.. remember..it was not your fault,.you where a child Your path will be long and painful and I am truly sorry..but the end is worth the pain.. hang in there..you are strong..and not a lone. so very sorry for your pain.

Written by TERESA 62 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thank you NancyBoyer and bella...just a question. As mentioned, sometimes this stuff can really mess me up and I def feel depression. This past weekend I made a point to not allow it to affect me, but to do this I had to block it out which I am not so sure is productive but I was able to get thru the weekend a little easier. When I say block out I dont mean completely but not obsess is more like it. I avoided writing as much and thinking about it as much as possible. You confirm it is very hard to feel the feeling, thoughts, memories. This is the part that is hard for me. Sometimes the thought/memory is only a very little detail but is the most upsetting because of its relation to the abuse. These things will suddenly just pop into my head and blow my mind. I then start thinking about it and really become disgusted and almost shocked and bewildered that I could forget such a fact that seems so familiar.

Now I am also at a crossroads with having contact with my parents. They have always been in my life and up until recently I had never fully or even slightly dealt with this issue. I have almost cut off my contact with them over the past several mos. and I know it is taking its toll on them. They are not the same people but are, they are old and more tame and possibly even better people? though I dont know if I really know for sure. I received calls/messages left by both of them over the last couple weeks, my mother is angry, my father is lighthearted but says I am giving him a complex not answering his calls (i am sure his mind is running). I am not sure what to say to either, since it is the unspoken truth, also un-acknowledged, my mother doesnt know- of course my father does. Very screwed up situation, because this is not the only issue, very disfunctional in many different ways. I just dont know what to say, and I feel a sense of loss not so much for me but for them. I actually feel very sad that I am causing them distress, at this stage, and I am not so sure what to do with it. I dont feel guilty so to speak but badly that this has surfaced and I have not been able to communicate it to them for fear of the blow up. I dont really want to talk with them but at the same time, we are getting older and what happens if something should happen to them in the meantime...then I will have guilt. I guess I am unsure how to act or that I want to act the part any longer and it is just confusing and upsetting...definitely torn, angry and a little stuck.

Written by nancyboyer 60 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Park of getting thew this mess is for you do speak up.Not so much for your parents, but for you! I had to do this..and it did not go so well..they where angry.said it did not happen and I was crazy.but I stood my ground and said it did..which some who gave me power just saying it to them. I wrote out what I wanted to say and my therapist was there for support which was very important cause it's not easy thing to do.the results were..they did not admit to anything..and my dad die with out admitting it and my mom we do not talk much at all..you know I am the crazy one..all I wanted was for then to admit to what had happen or maybe I'm sorry ...I didn't get anything from then..but for the first time I felt like I could breath ..it was not a secret any more..

Written by TERESA 60 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

WOW! So you had your therapist with you? Did they come to his office or was there a meeting place? Did your therapist just sit in the room for support? or did he say anything? Did they try to interact with the Therapist? Your father lied, do you think it was because he was afraid of your mother? Did your mother flip out? Did they stay together? Do you have siblings that found out and what was their reaction?

Sorry for so many quetions... My mother was verty abusive physically and verbally; My father abused me sexually: he was also a cheater on my mother: I just wonder about your circumstances and fam pic and maybe compare to mine for more strength here.... I appreciate your reply, It is helpful to hear from others who have gone thru these steps and it is helpful to understand yours and to relate and really appreciate the magnitude of your situation and what you too went through...So sorry for the destruction to you and your soul, your person, your little person inside....I hope you have peace :) Thank you soo much!

Written by nancyboyer 59 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

OK..I was in the hospital and my therapy was there with me in the same room.BUT..I live in CA. and they live in Ohio, so I called then and said I am in a mental hospital and you put me here and then I started to say what they did. Yes she know..my mom would let he put me in bed with then and.. so she hated me and let me know it.She was very abusive in all ways and my dad was too. She cheated on him and got pregnant with other guys baby. dad thought it was is we all new it wasn't..No my therapist didn't interact with then.. she was there with me to talk it thew afterward..we did practice what I would say to then.. My father lied be cause he was a self ?? and would not admit to doing anything wrong. As for my mom she just said I was a liar.. I do have 2 brother younger and 1 older sister..my sister must had been told by them what I say..and she will not talk to me...she thought our dad walk on water..As for my other brother he said that makes sent..as to why there was so much fighting with then..so he new I was telling the truth but said .this is your war.I'm out of it..At least he believe me but his support would have been nice. And the youngest brother said nothing. They all live in Ohio so that dose make it easier for me I don't have to live in the same town. For along time I was afraid that he [dad] would come out here and hurt me like he said he would if I ever told.But after time started to feel safer,,when he died I know I was safe at last. they did stay together You know he lies she backs him up...They were sick people and I have all ways tried to be a better person..and I am ..I do have peace now it's all ways there but so far back it dose not control me like it did .now I work on by bipolar and try to stay balance and my inner self is doing pretty good..my self esteem is low but working on that..It all takes time and hard work but it is worth all the pain..for once I love myself and not see me so much as damage goods. IT IS hard but with support you too can be in the light and know what it feels like to be at peace. If I can do anything else just ask..OK..GOOD LUCK We all are on your side

Written by nancyboyer 59 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

one more thing if you tell then in person I would suggest that you do it in your therapist office..she needs to be there for you..good luck..

Written by TERESA 59 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

That is intense and a lot to deal with. I am glad you are at peace. Its a lot to think about. I have talked with my T abuot telling, and he always says, its something that I should do, and of course I always say, well this "Event is coming up...someones BDay, or so and so is having a baby, timing is not good, I dont want to bring down the house near a special occasion" He will say, theres always going to be something going on, always a BDay, Holiday, etc.... I just feel like, there is never a good time. Plus I feel like my bros (all 7) will be the vics since it will affect them...Like I said...still got to figure out how, when,and whether I am strong enough YET to do it. Then I also wonder if I should just confront the moth/fath and then let everything fall where it may. Should I also tell my brothers or let them just hear of it thru my confrontation w/the parents. I will figure it out but I think I always have a habit of worrying about everyone else...and their feelings and how it will affect them. I think I feel like I am the one causing them hurt, you know - with the truth....grrr... This is prob why I never told to begin with as a child...to worried for everyone else.

Thank you so much for opening up about your exp. I will take all of it and apply to me where it fits...It does give me a starting place of understanding how people will or will not respond...also gives me hope that this path has been traveled by others and they are at peace LIKE YOU...as much as we can find it....God Bless...hope you have a great day! :)

Written by Clyde 47 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

How about other creative ways of getting it out? Running, walking, drawing, painting?

Best,

Clyde

Written by TERESA 32 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thanks Clyde sorry for the delay ... I have not been checking in.... Trying to get back to walking...that us a good outlet but I am fighting from within....sometimes when I have gotten off track with my walking it is a fight w/myself to get back on..

The other suggestions are good maybe get to drawing since that is something I enjoy and do once in a while. :)


Log in to answer or register here.