Dear whoever it may concern,
I do not know if what I am feeling is teen angst or moodiness due to the influx of hormones one receives whilst transitioning into the role of an "adult" (my newly emerging cynicism says that others might think so) or something terribly more serious. But I have to say this in hope that writing this down will help.
I feel terribly sad. All the time. At short moments I will myself to forget that I am so by watching T.V. or surfing through the net. I find myself hurt by anything that anyone says, even when I know they are joking. A look of "What are you talking about?" Leaves me feeling stupid and I fret about what I said exactly for days, feeling like an idiot and like everyone's judging me. I'm so afraid of people and I'm terribly sad for no reason at all. I'm anxious due to things I've never even worried about before. I'm thinking too much about things that have never taken up my time. I worry and worry and worry. I feel like I'm in a daze, a fog is clouding my brain. People talk to me and it's like I'm not processing what they say, the pace at which I think is very slow. I sleep a lot. I can't concentrate, I read something and it's like I haven't even read it, it won't stick in my brain. I'm tired all the time and think a lot. I feel hopeless and distant from people.
But nothing has happened. There is no possible reason to be sad. My life is fine. It should be.
I used to be so happy and fun and funny and witty and smart and in the moment. Now I feel like a carcass of what I was. I don't feel like myself. I'm super sensitive, I freak out around people, I tell a joke and if it falls flat I feel like a failure and like I've lost my grip on life.
I've never felt this self-conscious before, this low and blue. And it's been like this ever since I entered high school. Middle School, I was at the top of the world. Then... poof. All out from under me.
I don't know what is wrong. Please help me.
I don't feel right or like myself.
I shouldn't be sad but I am.
I feel like everyday is the same and I don't have a joy for life. I'm so miserable but I have no idea why.
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