Avatar Posted by ktdid 74 days ago (Question)
I'm a 26 year old graduate student and I'm having a tough time right now. I've always been very successful career-wise. I have completed all the coursework for my master's degree with straight A's (expected of grad students) and was to collect data for my thesis this summer. I started having extreme anxiety during this process. Maybe I'm just making excuses here, but the summer is over and I'm not finished collecting data, not even close. I've been stressed all summer, but this last month, I've started to feel completely trapped. If I quit, I will alienate and disappoint those I've been working with and won't be able to find a job. If I stay, I just don't see how I will complete the final steps needed to complete the degree because they're too stressful; and now I'm on a time crunch since they'll cut my funding if I don't finish. I can't seem to find motivation to do anything - return phone calls from friends, respond to school/work emails, etc. Now even regular situations seem stressful. I'm supposed to go camping with old friends this weekend I'm dreading it (what will I say when they ask about school? what if i need to leave?). I'm getting married next year and was enjoying planning my wedding, but now even that seems like a daunting task. if i can't handle things like this, how will i ever make it through life?

I've basically started isolating myself. On a good day, I take a shower and put dishes in the dishwasher. I only left my apartment once in the last week. I think about suicide a lot. I want to stress that I would NOT follow through on these thoughts; my family does not deserve that kind of pain. But I still think about it a lot - how/where I would do it and so forth. Is it OK to think about suicide if you wouldn't actually do it? I don't know if I'm depressed or if I'm just finding excuses for why I'm failing.

My grandma died a few weeks ago and a lot of secrets about our family history came out; both my grandparents were institutionalized for severe depression multiple times, my uncle tried to kill himself when he was my age, a cousin tried to commit suicide last year...this is in addition to what I already knew - both of my parents have been medicated for depression in the past, and 2 of my aunts/uncles are schizophrenic. On some level learning all this helped me understand that maybe there's a reason I'm feeling this way. On the other hand, I see how unhappy my entire family is and I can't help but think I will struggle against this my whole life. And I'm tired of struggling.


Answers

Written by Chemar 74 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi

first, congratulations on what you have achieved so far in your academic life. Making it to grad school isnt easy!

Honest, although I am not qualified to make diagnosis, just from what you are describing here it does sound like depression to me, possibly intensified by all the stress you have been under coupled with the death of your grandmother and the revelations about family history.

Please be encouraged tho that depression doesnt have to control your life! With proper treatment you can regain much of what it is draining from you. Some people use medications effectively, while others find dietary modifications, natural supplements and excercise to be very beneficial

I do hope you will make an appointment with a doctor asap to have a checkup and bloodwork done in order to rule out any possible illness or imbalances that may be causing these symptoms for you, and also to get a referral to a therapist if needed.

I hope you are also able to be honest with your fiance` on how you are feeling. It really helps to be able to release to someone who cares.

I do hope things work out for you

Written by Thumbelina 74 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hello ktdid,

I am so glad you wrote. First thing I want to tell you is you are not alone. And, you are going to be OK. I am not a professional doctor, therapist or counselor. I'm just a regular person who has gone through exactly what you are describing, right down to the family history. I will tell you more about me in a moment. What I would like to say to you is that, in my opinion, what you are going through is a depression, I believe that the professionals would call it a clinical depression. You have had a lot of things occur in your life recently that have contributed to this illness. The passing of your grandmother, the additional pressure of trying to finish up your research, the planning of your wedding, all of these things are putting a tremendous amount of pressure on you. No wonder you are experiencing anxiety. Anxiety is a symptom of depression. Many people don't think that it would be but it is. What you need to do is to make an appointment as soon as you can with a mental health clinic, a psychiatrist or a behavioral health center. They call them different things depending on the location. You need to be evaluated and seen by a doctor or professional who can determine for sure that your diagnosis is. Then, chances are they can prescribe medication for you and you will notice a difference probably within a couple of weeks. The symptoms you are experiencing include the isolation, the lack of energy, and the suicidal ideations. Thinking about suicide, just thinking about it, is a signal that there's no more time to waste in getting to the doctor. We do not want to run the risk that you might get worse.

All the family members you talked about do not surprise me. The most recent research indicates that there are a group of neurotransmitters in the brain that cause a cluster of mental disorders, including depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, that tend to run in families. They do run in my family. I myself am bipolar. My father's mother was bipolar. Her two brothers both killed themselves. My father's sister has had depression all her life. My father's brother killed himself. My cousin is schizophrenic and my nephew has Tourett's, bipolar disorder, OCD, ADD, and a couple other problems I can't remember. All of this is on my father's side of the family. So you see, it very definitely is genetic.

Please know that there is help for you and you can start feeling better and you can finish your work and graduate. But you need to take care of your health first. Please make the call and get an appointment for yourself. Also, here is a helpful website if you find yourself thinking about suicide again.

http://www/metanoia.org/suicide

I have been treated for depression and bipolar disorder for over 25 years and the treatments work. You can feel and function normally even with depression.

Best of luck to you.

Written by Tr0uBL3d 72 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I am pursuing a degree in psychology and I wish to specialize in mental health. I'm sure you have heard this, but your extensive family history of mental health issues increases your risk of these illnesses. The factors that you should look at more closely are age and what their lifestyles were at the time of their diagnoses. I'm sure that you have been in school for a ver long time and I do not think that you are lazy. I think that subconsciously you are making your data research drag on because you are almost afraid of what will happen once you have completed grad school. This can obviously cause depression. Remember, everyone gets depressed. You can also be going through an identity crisis which is completely normal for the development of your beliefs of who you are and the direction that your life is headed.

You seem like you have a lot on your plate so just take deep breaths when you feel stressed and focus on what matters most in those moments. I think that you'll be okay and it's a good thing to talk to a doctor for better ways to relieve stress.

Congratulations on the wedding!! And grad school! You have made many great accomplishments in your life and you have a lot to be proud of! I wish you the best of luck on everything!

Written by duck 65 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Grad. school is a stressful time. It's reaching the conclusion of an era (school), and you're about to start a new era of your life (career, wedding). Stress of loss, and growing up, etc. compounded could make anyone depressed. You won't always feel this way. Seek out help, and you'll realize just how much you can enjoy life (again?) after you find a treatment that works for you.

Written by Clyde 50 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Congrats on grad school! I am happy you have made it this far. It is also possible that with the school stuff, you are procrastinating because you feel pressured at the moment.

Could you take it slower, and in chunks, to see if you could get stuff done?

Also, please seek help, and talk to your fiancee. If you are to be married, you have to share things and let her know how you feel.

Best,

Clyde


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