Avatar Posted by Sue 441 days ago (Question)
Diagnosed 6 yrs with Bi Polar disorder.Moderate highs, severe lows.On medication.

Really trying to manage but the feelings and pain I have runs so deep that I dont have the internal resouces to cope anymore. I get support from Mental Health services.The only way the pain will go is if I am dead.I feel so worthless, so empty and when I consider suicide I become calm.

Have made 2 serious attempts in last 6 yrs. Dont know how to manage anymore - seem to have run out of coping strategies.Have never been detained/commited (I live in UK)and am lucky to live in a country where healthcare is free and where I live good quality.But I am so low and feel so alone.I know that I do not have to act on my feelings but I get so tired trying to fight my demons.


Answers


bella
441 days ago
Hi Sue - I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I think you should speak with your doctor as to whether your meds should be adjusted - maybe that would help. Do you see a therapist regularly?

I understand your statement, saying you feel calm when you think of suicide - you so desperately want a solution/relief, that this option gives you the sense of finding a solution. Unfortunately it's not the right solution for you, plus it would cause a great deal of pain for the ones who love you.

I think the important thing when you're feeling very low, is to reach out to people who can help and to be patient/caring to yourself. Think of a times when you felt content because things may change, where you feel better. Some people check themselves into the hospital when they feel at their wits end.

You can also join the forum section, by clicking on 'Community' at the top of this page. There's a bipolar forum and the members are great at supporting each other. You can vent as much as you wish and support others too, which may give you a nice feeling. Hang in there and be good to yourself during these low times. I pray you feel better soon.
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Sue
441 days ago
Thank you.
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bella
441 days ago
You're welcome and I'm happy you reached out and wrote to us. Talking about feelings helps...almost like a personal journal in a way. Here's a compassionate website you can also turn to when you're feeling low:

www.metanoia.org/suicide/
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fastoldbiker
441 days ago
Hi Sue, something to bear in mind is that people can react to the same drug in different ways. With anti-depressants reactions in some people can actually have the effect of increasing suicidal thoughts/tendencies, that is why regular medication review by your Doc is critical. It may sound obvious, but you also have to be honest and thorough when discussing with your Doc.

Sometimes what I do is write bullet points on a piece of paper, so that I remember side effects, questions etc. I like to be efficient so that I get all points over quickly, so I am not searching my brain, thinking! (and forgetting!)

As Bella has said, perhaps if you are still experiencing severe lows, you should be asking your Doc if your meds need to be reviewed/adjusted?

It is important that you do not let your feelings drag you down, sometimes very strenuous exercise can help take your mind off things, but you need to be disciplined enough so that when you lose motivation, you still do it. You need to learn that exercise is a coping mechanism and is something you must do and not back-out or make excuses to yourself.

Posting on this site is also good for venting, and is also constructive if you post replies to other people that are having difficulties. Helping others will help you too.

One other thing, don’t forget to be kind to yourself – you have to remember to treat yourself now and again. Could be a carry-out, facial, box of chocs, hot bath with lots of smellies, what-ever! But it is important that you do it now and again. Sometimes think of yourself as a second person and ask yourself, ‘what would I get this person, or do for this person as a little treat?’ It is important that you have some consideration for yourself.

Best wishes :)
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