I have been depressed for almost all of my life. I know nothing else. One thing that seems to seperate me is that I function better. I had the willpower to push on despite my despair and major feelings of sorrow. The thing that kept me going is hatred. I despise others so much. I feel only contempt and annoyance at people. My hate has gotten so strong it has consumed me. The problem is its the only thing keeping despair and suicidal feelings away. I keep going because i want revenge i want to see others suffer. I seem to be cracking my willpower to go on is fading. I am just so tired. I hate people so much and i cant take it. I am all alone. I can see no end but death. I have never taken violent actions but it is almost all I think of.
I just have almost no strength left. Why do I feel such unending rage? Why am I incapable of love? How does depression turn into a desire to destroy?
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