Hey,
I am 15 female teenager and I am not sure if I have a disorder or not.. I think everyone has at least one but when I take the tests of what disorder I have some of them is fairly high. Well, I scored high on Borderline Personality Test, Bi Polar, and Depression.

I get mad VERY easily, like over the littlest or the stupidest things, like when my boyfriend turned off his phone because he was doing homework. It might be just that I am very needy/clingy.. When I am mad it triggers me into being depressed.. I can't trust people and I have irrational fears. I am worried about stuff that is quite impossible sometimes. I was depressed before until I met my boyfriend who has somewhat made me feel happy but when we get into fights and gets me mad (over stuff that is pointless) I get so depressed, and I feel like just ending the relationship. Sometimes my depression comes back to me when I am just cleaning and I feel so overwhelmed even though my house is not even dirty. I just feel like dying. I just sit and think about what to do. I get depressed sometimes out of no where or when someone says something for a couple hours and than I am happy again. I barely need sleep to have energy to go on with my day but the signs show that I don't have much sleep on like my eyes. I feel like killing myself when I am mad. I do self-harm to myself to make me feel better. I have major mood swings. Being happy one moment and just being mad at another point, usually happens in a few minutes/hours. When I get mad it lasts for like long hours. My relationship with my boyfriend is very unstable, I feel like its not going to work since I act like this. This only happens when I am mad, but when I am normal I feel so happy. I feel like the "life" of the party because people are always talking to me and stuff (before this never happened, I use to just "be" there not actually talk, but now everyone is talking and joking around with me), the center of the world, happy and everything, but once one thing triggers it I am all depressed and that kills my whole day. I can't seem to do one thing at once, I like to speed up everything by doing like 2 or more things at once. When I do something I don't finish it, I start a new task. It takes me a pretty long time to finish/do somethings, like homework, often do projects last minute. I take things in very harshly, like if I see some of my close buddies walking and all I do is say hi and walk right past them, that makes me feel horrible! I feel like I did something wrong. When I disappoint someone I also feel very horrible. I have been recently eating a lot more than I use to. When I get mad I keep everything inside, and I start thinking of bad thoughts, like fighting/killing of a person but I don't actually have the guts to do this, but I really would like to kill them.

So, my question is:
Do I have a disorder?
Any ideas what triggered all these things?


Answers


Edahn
3082 days ago
I'm not a clinician or a therapist, but I have experience with all of those disorders (working in hospitals, and other stuff). What you said sounds more like depression to me. I get the feeling that you "carry" your sadness with you wherever you go, and that whenever you have an opportunity to "fall" back into it (if someone says something wrong or does something that falls below your expectations for them), you seize that opportunity and start feeling HORRIBLE, full of sorrow, defeat, and heaviness. I don't think you're forever bound to feel sad all the time, or to feel like sadness is just around the corner.

There's nothing deeply wrong with you and given your age, I would really hesitate to say you have ANY disorder. Some of the stuff you said (preference for multitasking) isn't even on my radar for having a disorder AT ALL. It sounds to me like you're a 15 year old who is learning how to respond wisely and maturely to life's challenges. That's good! That's really good, actually, because it means you're interested in your quality of life. That question always ends up postivitely.

Again, just to be clear, I'm saying that you're revisiting the depression on your own, not that you have anything inside you that is wrong with you or making you depressed or dooming you to a life of depression (or bipolar or BPD). That should be a relief. I don't even know if I'd call it depression, since what it sounds like is that the problem isn't that you're depressed, but that you keep creating avenues to get to that point. (I've never been big on labels, though, either.)

I think there are a few things that can help you.

1. Every morning, right when you wake up and for the next 40 days, practice a visualization exercise. Imagine yourself having a normal, semi-boring but calm day. Shit might go wrong, but imagine yourself reacting to it with a balanced, calm attitude, rather than jumping to feel HORRIBLE sorrow or jumping to get angry and strangle the other person. Maybe you imagine yourself just talking really calm. Maybe using a little humor to deflect a bad situation. Maybe just saying "okay, I'll try" and letting whatever it is go.

Also imagine yourself getting sad at one point. There's nothing wrong with being sad, you just have to work well with it. Imagine you get sad and instead of GIVING UP and wanting to just die (I know the feeling, trust me) imagine holding yourself. Holding yourself means that you realize it's about to come on, and instead of jumping to that feeling, you take a second to hold yourself like a mom would hold a child, or like you would hold a injured puppy. You would be sympathic, not angry. As you practice that sympathy, you'll start to see that the feeling isn't so bad and that you can remain calm and collected even when things fall below your expectations.

2. Try and practice some of this stuff, even if at first it feels like acting. Just act calm and let things go a little bit. When you start to feel sad, try to hold yourself and be patient and kind to yourself.

That's really all you need, in my opinion.

Regarding what triggered all of this, I don't know. But I don't believe it matters. It could be something really subtle like the way your parents deal with life and challenges. It could be something big that happened that you never really cried for, like death in the family. If you can trace back to a point where you became depressed, that would be a good place to start looking. Again though, I don't think it's terribly important. The more important thing is how you deal with it: whether you stay kind to yourself and keep a little control, or whether you just immediately get upset and feel like absolutely horrible.

If you have a school counselor, you can talk to her about this, and even bring up the stuff in this answer of in other answers you get. I think you can do it. If you need more help, ask your parents to find you a therapist.



Francesca
3081 days ago
Why do you believe that everyone has at least one disorder?



mdoung
3081 days ago
I think this because its like normal.. I don't know how to explain it but everyone should have at least one disorder, it doesn't have to be big like schrizophenia or something.



bella
3081 days ago
Hi- I'm a Mom of 2 girls and I also remember being 15 with the swirl of emotions. First of all you need to stop worrying and don't sweat the small stuff. Relationships are hard for adults let alone a 15 year old. You also mention alot about how others trigger your emotions of sadness. You can't let that happen. They don't have control, which means you can control your emotions. The key to this is building good self esteem. At your age the most important thing is taking care of yourself and your grades at school. You should be eating healthy and getting moderate exercise. A strong body equals a strong mind. You should write your feelings in a journal and practice relaxation techniques. Don't worry what other people think. When you feel yourself really getting angry try taking some slow deep breaths-it really helps.

When you're older you're going to remember, that this was just a phase you went through. You shouldn't try to diagnose yourself with personality tests because chidren and teens go through multiple range of emotions. My own children can be dramatic with crying and laughing one minute. One time my girls were fighting over one cinnamon bun that was left and they both were crying- LOL.

Good luck and remember be kind to yourself and be strong.



Clyde
3080 days ago
It could definitely be a lot of hormones and the feelings of blueness or even depression.

Best,

Clyde