Avatar Posted by doug 1360 days ago (Question)
I don't even know where to begin. I'm finding myself getting mad over the smallet things. I find myself crying afterwards because I feel i'm hurting my family (wife and two boys). I don't have any credibility with my family any more. I don't think i'm a good husband or father and i don't understand why my family even wants me around. All i do is pay the bills i don't have that husband wife or father son bond. I always see the future being bad and me being all alone like i feel right now. I hope i can get some direction to battle this war going on inside me. I would like to add I have this lower back pain that came from no where meaning i didn't do anyhting physical to cause it and it is pretty bad. thanks for any help, doug


Answers


Mattie58
1360 days ago
Doug, I am so sorry that you're feeling this way. It sounds to me as if you're experiencing depression. The hopelessness, inner turmoil, and empty feelings around connections are characteristic of depression. In men, especially , it also tends to come out as chronic anger. You have something strong working in your favor, though, and that's that you recognize that the reactions are coming from within you and are not your family's fault. It also sounds as though you really want that greater bond, which indicates real awareness. The thing to do is to look for a good therapist. It takes energy, which is in short supply with depression, but it helps to "interview" four or five therapists so you can find one you really click with -- who you get can make a big difference. Just ask them what their approach is and outline your situation and ask how they would address it. Some people would advise anti-depressants, and they can be helpful too, but they don't work for everyone. The studies say that people are helped most by a combination of therapy and anti-depressants, and that therapy helps people even after they finish therapy, whereas anti-depressants alone stop having an effect when you stop taking them. One thing about depression is that a big symptom is feeling as if there's no hope, you'll never come out of it, it's no use trying, etc. Remember that this is the depression talking; it's not reality! Please also take care of yourself as best you can in other ways -- look out for the things you really enjoy in your life, however small and infrequent, and try to savor and enlarge them. Best of luck and don't give up!
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doug
1346 days ago
Mattie,

Thank you so much. I went to my DR. and told him about the pain so he exammend me,took xrays and everything was normal. I would never do it but can you explain the suicide thoughts I have. Is that normal?
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iamtired
1358 days ago
Doug, I'm sorry you are going through this. I can say personally that my depression makes me extremely angry a lot of times, and my therapist and doctor have told me that my back pain is most likely caused by my depression.

Depression can make you not just emotionally drained and tense, but if it is causing you to be angry, or anxious (in men anxiety can often come out as anger) your muscles tense up. If its bad enough it can cause mild to severe back pain.

If you think this sounds right in your situation, I'd suggest talking to your doctor. They could help you figure out what would be best for you to do.

Don't feel so badly about the way you seem to your wife and kids. My father has the same kinds of issues, but I still love him and wish the best for him, no matter how angry he seems sometimes. I bet your wife and kids still love you, they may be confused and worried. But as long as you try to get better you haven't anything to be ashamed of.

Best of luck.
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Clyde
1357 days ago
Doug,

It most definitely seems that your depression does cause your back pain, and of course, it helps with the anger.

I would talk to your therapist/doctor as soon as possible about this.

I know you do not mean to be mean to the kids and wife, but you must try to be calmer and less angry with them, because they are confused and worried about you.

Seek help as soon as you can.

Best,

Clyde
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