I've been wondering about this for a while now, and I don't know if it's actual depression or me just over reacting. Quite often i feel worthless and stupid, and I can't control my emotions. For example, I had to audition for a voice part in the women's choir and when my teacher had me sing separately I barely made a sound and just gave up because I felt I couldn't sing at all (today I talked to the guidance counselor about dropping the class and started crying, he was worried and mentioned my choir teacher said I was being very hard on myself). Mostly the overreaction is me crying, and Ive always waved it off as me being too emotional. But I'm not sad all the time, in fact I'm happy around my friends, though sometimes i feel incompetent. I usually think i'm stupid for questioning if it is something like clinical depression and I tell my self i'm just overreacting and it's probably teenage angst or something like that...When I think about my future I get very scared, as I am still in high school and I don't know what I what to do with my life (but I wonder if it's even worth it or if I'll be good enough).
Often times I feel hungry constantly, and I've been steadily gaining weight. I think I am fat, I gained over 20 pounds in 2 years... But I feel happy or content when I eat.
Another thing, my parents had a divorce a few years ago, my grandfather also died during that time. This divorce lasted a very long time, and around the time it began I became extremely self consious, I am not nearly as extreme as I used to be, but I still judge my self constantly and many people have said I am very hard on myself. Can symptoms show up years later?
What about physical pain? I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but for about a year, maybe longer, I have had a muscle knot between my neck and my left shoulder blade on the top of my back. I should probably see a chiropractor....
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