I've been wondering about this for a while now, and I don't know if it's actual depression or me just over reacting. Quite often i feel worthless and stupid, and I can't control my emotions. For example, I had to audition for a voice part in the women's choir and when my teacher had me sing separately I barely made a sound and just gave up because I felt I couldn't sing at all (today I talked to the guidance counselor about dropping the class and started crying, he was worried and mentioned my choir teacher said I was being very hard on myself). Mostly the overreaction is me crying, and Ive always waved it off as me being too emotional. But I'm not sad all the time, in fact I'm happy around my friends, though sometimes i feel incompetent. I usually think i'm stupid for questioning if it is something like clinical depression and I tell my self i'm just overreacting and it's probably teenage angst or something like that...When I think about my future I get very scared, as I am still in high school and I don't know what I what to do with my life (but I wonder if it's even worth it or if I'll be good enough).

Often times I feel hungry constantly, and I've been steadily gaining weight. I think I am fat, I gained over 20 pounds in 2 years... But I feel happy or content when I eat.

Another thing, my parents had a divorce a few years ago, my grandfather also died during that time. This divorce lasted a very long time, and around the time it began I became extremely self consious, I am not nearly as extreme as I used to be, but I still judge my self constantly and many people have said I am very hard on myself. Can symptoms show up years later?

What about physical pain? I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but for about a year, maybe longer, I have had a muscle knot between my neck and my left shoulder blade on the top of my back. I should probably see a chiropractor....

Anyway, I don't know...


Answers


andrew
2236 days ago
Hello

The first thing I would say to you is that some people do cry more than others. It doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with you. Hormone levels can go up and down like a rollercoaster and that in itself can make you tearful at times.

Do you think you may feel responsible for your parents divorce? I felt guilty for ages that mine had stayed together until I was older but a friend pointed out to me that it was their decision - they didn't love each other any more and did what they thought was right at the time.

You might find it helpful to make a list of things you like about yourself. Next to that make a list of things you are good at. Maybe ask a close friend to help if needs be. Every time those words "you're stupid" come into your mind immediately say to yourself "no i'm not" and think about some of the things on those lists. After a while you'll realise just how good it is to simply be you, then probably won't crave for comfort food- though there's nothing wrong with that at the moment if that's what keeps you happy.

I'm amazed at anyone who has the confidence to go for an audition. I'd probably start crying and I'm a man! I take it you've a good singing voice? Maybe go somewhere you can sing with your friends (church, karaoke, washing the car?)and ask them what they think of your voice?

On a practical level, make sure you've always got some tissues with you. It's much less embarassing and easier to control if you don't have to worry about your nose running!

You seem pretty clued up to me and yes, it's a good idea to see a chiropractor about your neck.

All the best,

Andrew



drjean
2235 days ago
Hi there. It does sound as though you are having anxiety reactions. Keep talking with your counselor about how you are feeling, and see if he can help you work through the issues easier.

I do hope you can stick with the singing, it's good for the soul! You might not be ready to do any solo singing until your anxiety is under control, but trust me, sometimes you just have to push through the fear and sing!

Talk with that director about your anxiety, and whether you really want to be able to do the hard stuff there.

You've had a lot going on in your life, and add to that the physical changes in your body, that can cause great feelings of confusion. Try to be gentle with yourself, I'm sure you aren't stupid (you explained yourself well) and that there are many things you do well.

best wishes

drjean



girlwednesday
2234 days ago
I will keep this short; your situation sounds very much like my own. Have you considered the possibility of having ADHD?



Clyde
2234 days ago
Hi there,

It sounds a lot like stress and anxiety to me. I think the singing will work very well for you--you must have a great voice, or the teacher WOULD NOT of wanted you to sing alone.

A chiropractor and a therapist may not be such a bad idea, but you are doing well--just keep singing and keep up with auditions, etc. You sound like you want it, but you just got to work at it.

Best,

Clyde



Karina_Wu
1802 days ago
I like to sing too. I take professional vocal lessons and sometimes I join contests. It's always ver nerveracking and I never sing like ii'm in my room if there was an audition. It is because you don't have the confidence in yourelf. You're very afraid that you're going to do bad however, when it comes to singing, the most important part is NOT to think about the negative stuff. Instead, you should think about how many people would be supporting you =)



servant1
779 days ago
WHO YOU NEED RIGHT NOW IS JESUS, YOU MUST READ ROMANS 10 CHAPTER 9 VERSE. JESUS SAID: SEEK AN YE SHALL FIND, KNOCK AN THE DOOR SHALL BE OPEN. PLEASE CHURCH AN ASK THEM TO PRAY WITH YOU TO SEEK GOD. YOU WILL BE TRULY BLESS.PEACE ALWAYS