Avatar Posted by misunderstood12 97 days ago (Question)
Hey there,
My friends and family just recently found out about my depression with in this past year. I have been "suicidal" and had "depressive thoughts" for as long as I can remember. I went into a mental health hospital in May last year and was officially diagnosed. My family couldn't believe it because I hid it so well. But now that its out and they know... I hate it. I feel like its no longer MY depression but that now its somehow shared. I want to take all of it back. I want my parents to stop asking me "Do you feel like killing yourself today?". I don't like seeing therapists or psychiatrists and i would really like to stop taking my antidepressant. I go off to college next year and i don't know how to tell my parents not to worry and that i want to be off my meds. I hope someone can help. Thanks.


Answers


candy
97 days ago
Dear Misunderstood, I understand what you are going through, but when you get on the right meds at the right dose you will feel so much better. If your meds are not working for you tell your doctor. By the way have they explained that everything you are feeling is part of the depression talking.

I hope that you can find the right meds and right therapists so you can feel whole again. Been there! Sorry you are having to deal with this so young.
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Hoseki
97 days ago
I cannot help with the meds part, but man, do I know what you are going through! In my instance, it was my suicide attempt that bought my depression into the light of everyone's eyes. Part of me was relieved that people found out. I was a good kid and was very well at hiding my pain. But the other side feared that everyone would be watching me and that fear was justified. Everyone was looking at me, wondering and asking if I were going to do it again. Eventually, I just blurted out "When are you going to trust that I am doing my best to move forward? How can I move forward if everyone keeps reminding me of the past over and over again?" I was 14 at the time and it stopped the questions. I was given the space to grow and fight through my depression. It was my parents who saw that I had the strength to fight through my pain and kept the doctors from putting me into a mental institute. I am grateful for that. I did have to see therapists, that now, to this day I laugh at how small minded they were. They were church based, so they blamed everything I loved for being the reason for my problems to the point of throwing out all my toys, art, etc. They wanted to push me into the good little, quiet church girl mold and I wasn't buying it. They were pastors and didn't think that maybe something was wrong with the belittling words they preached to the youth was an issue. Another girl in the same group had attempted to kill herself about 2-3 months before me. The thing that got me through was my stubbornness and pity towards their thinking. I was determined that being me was the only way I would be able to fight through. In your case though, if your therapists are doing their best to help you be the best person you can be, then stick with them. If they aren't belittling who you are, keep going. You're going to need to talk that stuff out.

I'm 28 now and even though I still get depressed at times, I live a happy life and wouldn't want to change anything that happened. My depression helps me see others who are dealing with the same thing. I am stronger and able to face those thoughts. Let them come, accept them and then beat them back. Hiding from them or trying to push them away does nothing but create a nasty pile of dust under the carpet. One of the ways to beat them back is to do things that prove your depression wrong. If your mind tells you that you can't do something, do it anyway. If it tells you that you can't learn how to, let's say, sew, find every tutorial you can and prove yourself wrong. You have to want to get better with every fiber of your being. Even if it means taking those meds and seeing your therapists. Do what it takes to make yourself sane again. The fact that you are asking for help means you are on the right road.

Remember too. No matter how you see it right now, people are asking you those questions for good reason. For one, they care. Two, they are afraid to lose you. And most of all, they most likely blame themselves. Whether it is because they didn't notice before or think they are a bad parent/friend, they think it is their fault. Asking you allows them to be a little more involved and it gives them assurance that they aren't ignoring your problem. If you do take the road of asking them to stop like I did, you better have it made up in your mind that you are going to fight. Don't lie about how you are doing. If you need help, ask.

You can do it. Just don't give up no matter what.
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bella
96 days ago
Hi misunderstood12 - what's the reason you want to stop the medication? Do you feel better? The problem with stopping the medication is - you may get more depressed and if you're going to stop. Some medications can't be abruptly stopped - it has to be done gradually. If you don't feel the meds are helping, then perhaps you need a different one.

Regarding your family - they really just care and are worried. Maybe you can make a deal - if you need help, you'll tell them. Since you hid your feelings, its natural for them to think you'll do the same again. Best of luck in college.
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