Avatar Posted by lfshadow 298 days ago (Question)
4/29/08
Eleven yrs ago my little brother committed suicide. We were very close. My Mom died 6 months later from cancer. And then 2-1/2 months after Mom died, my Dad committed suicide. This all put me a very bad depression. I don't remember most of what happened for about 2 or 3 years afterward. (Over the next few years I lost the majority of my other relatives, as well a few close friends and pets.)

Soon after the deaths in my family, the Man whom I had been with for 9 years started acting differently towards me. He didn’t handle my grieving well at all. He was angry that I was depressed and wouldn’t just “snap out of it”. I couldn’t talk to him about any of it. He would get irritated and angry if he saw me crying, so I had to hide it. He started ignoring me and eventually, as I realize now looking back, even became cruel and emotionally abusive to me. I know I should have told him to leave years before I did, but I couldn't stand the thought of losing someone else whom I loved. I’m sure he knew this and knew it would be easy to manipulate and use me, which he did. I found out later that he had fallen out of love with me years before he moved out. He was just using me. He left over 4 years ago but I'm still not over it. I can't stop thinking about him (bad & good).

During all of this I had pretty much become reclusive. I lost touch with all of my friends. My Ex also managed to turn my best friend against me, among others. So, I haven’t had anyone I could talk to about any of this. 3 years ago I started trying to associate with friends again, old and new, but they have not been very receptive. I also tried online dating. I got a lot of first dates, but they never called again. I don’t know what the problem is. Maybe after having no one to talk to for a decade, I don’t really know how to make friends anymore. I always try to be in a good mood and never talk about my past, but still people just don’t like me anymore. They don’t really DISlike me; they mostly just ignore me. Is this normal? What am I doing wrong? I’ve been very lonely for a very long time. I really NEED some human contact – emotional, verbal, physical, anytihng! This is making me more depressed, which makes it even harder to be friendly. I feel like I’ve been“strong” as long as I can. What else can I do?

Nothing motivates me or gets me excited. Nothing really makes me happy – I’ve forgotten how. I’ve lost my strength and my passion for life. I am taking antidepressants and they help a lot. I am trying to get out and socialize and do things that I enjoy, (or at least used to enjoy). And I've been trying for several years now to find something that interests me, motivates me, or makes me happy, but I still can't find anything. I was happy and content until all of this happened, and now I'm lost. I know I can't have my old life back, and I am just now coming to grips with that, but I wish I could find a new one, one that I like. I just don’t know who I am anymore, or who I should be, or who I want to be. I have no self esteem, no direction, no goals. I just want to be happy again. I just want to forget the past and get on with my life! How can I do this?

I tried several therapists, but that was a while ago. They didn't help much.


Answers

Written by PinkLotus 297 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

It's good that you are being medicated for depression - it seems fairly obvious that you are suffering depression symptoms. It's unfortunate, though, that therapy didn't seem to help you.

Sometimes we need to talk about the past, like you have done here, as a way of releasing it from our selves - talking or writing about what you are feeling is cathartic. That is where a therapist could help you. You need to KEEP TALKING about it until you are completely sick of talking about it, and you won't need to think about it any more.

You have been through a lot of hurt in the last decade, suffered a lot of losses; from family and pets to relationships with friends and your X. He was not sympathetic to your feelings and didn't support you through the hardest time of your life, when you needed him most, and that's the most important thing a partner should do for you.

You've reached a point where you're starting over, pretty much from scratch, trying to rebuild a life that will be fulfilling. Talking to a therapist could also help you work out some ideas to get you on track - helping find local social or volunteer groups to join, maybe even taking a college course, which would be a chance to meet new people with similar interests.

Also consider massage therapy (it may be covered by insurance) as a way of reconnecting with your body. Human touch is so important, and you've mentioned the need for it. We all have that need, you're not alone there. Getting a massage now and then from a skilled pair of hands can't hurt.

You will never forget the past, it is part of who you are. But when you have done all the talking you need to do, you will hardly think about it any more, and you'll be able to get on with the rest of your life.

If you're not already a member of the PsychCentral community, feel free to join and keep us updated on your progress!

Written by source 296 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Honey, you have really been through a lot. My heart goes to you.

I think finding local support groups to join is a good thing to do. You would not only want to just meet new friends, at this point you would want to focus on meeting people who could relate to you, people who have similar issues. That is why a support group is good. There is all kinds of group you could find if you look. Try a few and make a commitment to attend for at least 6 or more meetings. It take time to feel at home.

As for me, what brings me deep joy and contentment is to be connected to deep spiritual truth. And by being spiritual, I don't mean being religious. Finding your true self, being your true self and loving yourself and others is spiritual. I think you are pretty self-aware and I can see you do have the will to want to be better, to want to heal. And this is the most important step - the desire to be healed. "Seek and you shall find." Just be patient and do what is needed, I am sure you will get there soon.

I like to send my blessing to you through this movie :

http://www.blessyoumovie.com/

Written by Clyde 294 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

To me, it does sound like you definitely have some serious self-esteem issues to work through.

While the therapists you went to didnt help much, there are better ones, or ones that are more likely to help you.

Also, I would look for new and different things to do in which you could meet new people.

And if you felt like it, find a way to contact your best friend--write a letter, etc., to let them know what happened.

Best,

Clyde


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