I was with my ex bf/ fiance for almost 2 years. We had a long distance engagement, both of us were so excited about our future!! we were no just perfect soulmates, we were perfect in every aspect. He was teh most caring, amazingm wonderful man i have ever met in my life ( i am 34 now ) He was ALL i have ever dreamed of :( But it all ended on the 19th of March.. He sent me a text to my cell saying is over. I tried to call him, to talk .. he didnt want to answer. he cut me off from his life completely! i havent spoken to him since the day before it was over ( he ended it with me through a text message on my cell )
The reason he said is over is because he " lost all trust and faith in me* because i was not able to permanently move with him soon enough, as i promised.
I asked him through another text message if there is someone else, that im devastated and i need closure, i need to know whats happening.. He said he was interested in someone else and i need to move on. I asked if i could book the flight and go there and he said No , its too late.
I have not heard from him since then. I have called him hundreds of times i think in the first week, he blocked all my numbers. I dont call him anymore now.. it has sunk in my mind is all over. But i cant cry and keep obsessing about him, about us, about OUR future! we planned all in detail, he was my love, my soulmate, my everything! and now he wont even talk to me on the phone, now i dont exist to him anymore :'( I wish i was stronger but im not. I couldnt eat for a week, i ended up in ER. Im ok now phisically, but i have panic attacks almost daily, and i cant stop obsessing. Every minute, every hour... My family is in europe, im all alone here in US , he was my everything. He was my life..
What do i do?? talking about what happend doesnt help, i cant overcome my feelings of GUILT for not moving with him soon enough. I feel liek im leaving a nightmare, i miss him so much! only if i could hear from him, or even a letter.. but it wont happen. And i dont know how im going to survive this


Answers


skahn
2037 days ago
This situation is so eerily similar to mine. Except I got an email saying we will talk when we get engaged and when he sorts out some issues, which is God-knows-when. So I can totally relate to this. My ex has not, I think blocked my numbers, he just won't answer and will let it go to vm. (btw, how do you know if someone has blocked you?)

However his condition that he lost TRUST in you because you did not MOVE is ludicrous. Chances are it was an excuse to get out of this relationship and it SUCKS that he had to do it like that, and I can understand you want him back, even though he treated you like garbage. (Because breaking up over a text message just shows cowardice and lack of class).

For now, take a week off, go to your family, take comfort in that. It will be a change of scene you need and it might help you clear your mind to be with people who support you.

Don't worry if you don't feel strong, it's too raw and too soon to be strong, just cry it out, get upset. And then, get angry. VERY ANGRY. Because this is NOT the right way to treat anyone, if there is someone, he was two-timing you and used a STUPID excuse to breakup with you and leave you in the lurch. He obviously was not committed as much as you were. AND DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! If he REALLY REALLY was committed, he would NOT have an issue like you moving come in the way. I have seen many committed couples move heaven and earth for each other. And it does not seem like you did not want to move, it sounds like you had commitments other than him that you wanted to fulfill and he obviously did not respect that. Gosh, I am so angry for you! What a jerk!

No you do NOT want to hear from him, it will only upset you more. What I would suggest, is you send him an email, letting him know how much he hurt you and how angry you are, and how he has shown his true colours.

And, next time (yes there WILL be a next time), please do not make the guy your life. Have interests other than him, so that HE knows that he is NOT the only thing in your life, it is not about playing hard to get at all, it is about letting the guy know you have several priorities in life and he is ONE of them, not ALL of them. That is what is healthy and what will keep a worthwhile relationship alive.



bella
2037 days ago
Hi Diana,

I agree with Skahn because she's going through a similar thing right now. You are young and I too remember how it was when the relationship is new and how you feel he's your soulmate. When love is fresh, sometimes we don't see the little faults that may cause problems later on. The hormones swirl and it's blinds us to the reality of who that person really is.

If he was your soulmate, then he shouldn't have broke up (by texting) over you not coming sooner. That's a wimp of an excuse. Any self respecting gentleman would get on a plane and have the courage to tell you face to face. Yes I can understand the extreme disappointment, but he doesn't deserve not one of your tears. Sometimes God makes things happen for a reason - even the bad things. Probably if you married him he would have made your life miserable, if you didn't do what he wanted.

Yes, you will end up going through a grieving period where you will be feeling a vast array of emotions. But don't let this ruin your life or affect your self esteem. Honestly, what he did was heartless and you don't want someone like that. One day when you really do find someone - you're gonna say to yourself "thank God I didn't marry him because I wouldn't have been able to meet the man who I'm married to now".

Take it from me, who has life experience, he's not worth crying over. You should keep your grieving short and sweet. Do NOT feel guity for not moving. Instead thank God you didn't, so he revealed his true colors. He would have shown them sooner or later. Take extra good care of yourself. The best revenge is living well- treat yourself good and make yourself strong.



Elzeabar
2037 days ago
Hum Diana

I agree with the other two answers. You have had a lucky escape. This man was clearly telling you what he thinks you want to hear. I married a man like that. Well, I married the facade that he put up for me. The trouble is, marriage is the ideal place for really getting to know a man.

I used to sit at dinner parties, listening to him give his opinion tailored to the most 'important for his career' person present, an that could be completely contradictory to what he had said the previous week to another dinner guest.

He said he wanted lots of children. We had four. I think he was trying to get me to divorce him from the birth of the first. Since he married again, he has had practically nothing to do with them.

Believe me, you are much better off without him.

There's a book by Taylor 'Not Tonight Mr Right', that has lots of interesting information about developing relationships. You might find it useful to read it.



bella
2037 days ago
Thanks,

I think I'll get it. Sounds like a good read.



skahn
2033 days ago
How are you doing now?



Clyde
2024 days ago
It sounds to me too like a cop out. Why are you in the US? Could you move back with your family?

Best,

Clyde