Avatar Posted by silverlining24 257 days ago (Question)
I don't really know where to start....

So I guess it all started during the summer. I had just finished my freshman year at college and when I got home for the summer I quickly realized all my high school friendships were gone. I tried texting some of them and they just wouldn't text back, or when we made plans they would cancel them. So I spent those 4 months basically staying home and working out (i feel that maybe my social skills faded because of this).

Then in August school started up again, but I transferred to a new university in a different state (for better opportunities) so I was a little intimidated.

Then I quickly, very quickly, lost my social grounding. I got overwhelmed by the thought of people not liking me because my school is mostly white jock and preppy people, and I'm more of an edgy person (i have piercings, colored hair, and wear ripped jeans and tank tops) and i'm black. So I never introduced myself to anyone, and still haven't made any friends (I've been here for 2 months so far).

Now at this point I feel that it's too late to make any friendships/bonds because everyone already has their group of friends, and I'm by myself. I also wish I could get myself to talk in class, but again, i feel like people are judging me.

So at this point I have no friends, I eat alone everyday, I do nothing on the weekends or any day and it's really killing me. I had plans to make a name for myself here, to finally enjoy my life (which i didn't in high school) and it's not happening. I'm becoming depressed my energy level is very low and i feel very lonely/isolated, I feel so lost. Please help me out!!

*also i know people are probably going to say that no one is judging my style but that's all I can think of, I mean i'm pretty fit, I'm attractive, and I carry myself well (imo). So my only guess is that my style scares people.



Answers


bella
257 days ago
Hi - sorry you're struggling. My daughters in high school and it seems nowadays, its hard to find loyal friends. Would you be open to modifying your style?? It could be they're intimidated, but you said you didn't get to enjoy yourself in high-school...so do you think its something in your approach? If a student seems quiet, people might get the impression you're not approachable.

Are there any school activities or clubs you're interested in. You could consult with a life coach - they can give you an honest objective opinion of how to improve and if you're giving off any negative vibes. I hope it gets better.
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prowlerk43
256 days ago
I agree with the intimidation. It is not necessarily you and who you are it is just most people have a hard time not making first judgements by someones appearance. You have to have compassion for their lack of social skills due to lack of initial acceptance. I myself am a 20 year old photographer. I have my nose pierced a half sleeve tattoo, one on my back. I love corsets and darker fashion but I realized that trying too hard to look a certain way can limit a persons ability to grow. I found inspiration in a lady whos son I dated. Shes a gorgeous mom of 3 boys. 9 nearly hidden tattoos and probably the biggest Metallica fan ever but she is girly and feminine. She gives off good vibes and has a class about her. This was my example and it inspired me. I have struggled with terrible depression and what have you but I learned to interact with people and reach out to them. If someone doesnt like me then it is their problem I just continue smiling and being confident. I am very humble about friendships and it is true that having a few great friends and tons of acquaintances makes life easier. Put yourself out there more. Smile at people and express yourself with words. You might need to tone down the style a little but that is ok because no one befriends you because of how you look but for your personality and how you treat them. Though if you seem negative or do not try to talk to people or smile or express interest in them then they feel they are unwelcome in to your life. Steps have to be made for change to happen and it is not too late. It is never too late and I am sure you have it in you. You must be accepting of others no matter how preppy or different they are from you if you want acceptance. A life coach? Maybe. Or instead sort out your depression with someone and regain confidence and a new perspective. Change is not always a bad thing and if your style is only making you feel down then a small change could be what you need. You sound awesome to me and Im sure I could see the real you immediately even if your hair was natural looking the piercings were gone and you had jeans and a t shirt on. I myself do like unique looking people though :)
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