Avatar Posted by jess0917 53 days ago (Question)
I am 18 years old and my boyfriend is 19 years old. We have been dating for 4 years. I was his first girlfriend and he was my second. We have been through everything and been each other’s firsts. He loves me very much. He says he wants to marry me. The only problem we are in college now. My mom has always been very protective over me. She would never let me go out or spend the night at my friends’ house. So basically I’ve been in a cage and now that I’m free I want to experience it. I want to get to experience different things and I feel like he is holding me back. The thing is my boyfriend won’t let me go. He is very emotional and goes into deep depression. I tell him in not the same girl he feel in love with anymore, and we have grown apart, then he tells me he doesn’t want to live without me like literally he is suicidal. He says if that girl he loves is gone then he doesn’t want to live. He can’t handle me not being in his life, he would rather die than go through the pain and depression. So I tell him he doesn’t have to go through that and that he should get help but he is stubborn and won’t listen to me. So I am at a lost I don’t want to be with him but if I break up with him he will kill himself and I just cant live with myself knowing I was the cause of his death. But it’s not fair that I am only with him because he will kill himself.


Answers

Written by Chemar 53 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hello Jess

I feel for you as this is very hard isnt it!

but

you cannot be held hostage by his emotional dependence on you nor his threats. is there any way you can convince him to go to see a counselor (with you if needed to start)

a relationship built on this kind of situation just isnt healthy and you need to be able to move forward with your life without having this kind of pressure and guilt on you. A neutral professional counselor may be the only way to help him deal with it.

hope it works out for you

Written by Aneohoh 53 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

well, generally speaking, if you tell a guy you want to get married....the guy will run like hell to get away as quick as possible,

It doesn't sound like this will work in this case.

All that you can do is tell your friend that there are millions of people in the world and he will find someone else. You can be matter of fact, and kind when saying this, but you also have to leave little doubt that you mean what you are saying!

There are millions of people in the world....marrying your first boyfriend is a prescription for disaster in life that is estimated to be 85 years.

Written by jenmog 52 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

If he is honestly suffering from depression then he needs meds to rebalance his brain chemistry. He doesn't sound very depressed to me though. It sounds more like he is an emotional little boy who has led a sheltered life and he needs to develop some coping skills.

How dare he tell you that he will kill himself if you leave?! That is emotional blackmail, he just wants his own way and can't cope with the idea of not getting it. He needs to grow up.

As somebody who has been properly suicidal and failed twice, I can tell you honestly that no person can "make you want to" commit suicide. I could not handle the hell that was depression and needed to get out of my head. To hear that somebody would try to take their life because of a break up is just laughable. It is also laughable to think that he might be depressed - if he was truly suffering from medical depression, he wouldn't mess around with phrases like that.

You need to grow up a bit too - I don't mean that in a nasty way, I mean that he is manipulating you but because you haven't experienced it before, you don't quite know how to handle it. It's also very hard to believe that somebody that you once loved would put that kind of burden on you. If he truly loved you, if he was a decent human deep down, he never would have said that. It's as simple as that.



Leave him. Be prepared for DESPERATE late night phone calls involving threats to slit his wrists, obsessive emails and texts and a whole bunch of other rubbish. Don't ever believe him.

If it gets too much or if he says something like that again - call his bluff. Talk to his parents and tell them that you are concerned about the fact that he has been talking about suicide and you don't know how to deal with it. Call the emergency psychiatric team in his area, say that he has been threatening suicide - they will take it from there. It's not your job to deal with the crazy, no matter how much you feel guilted into it.

Go out there! Get some life experience and enjoy yourself.:D

Once again, I say, how dare he?!

Written by Clyde 45 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Its unfair that he says he loves you, but is basically trying to FORCE you into keeping the relationship active.

You should let the local cops or his parents or someone that can help him know that he is threatening suicide.

You should not have to stay because he is forcing you. You deserve to be happy too. And if he loved you, he would not play mind games with you.

Best,

Clyde


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