Avatar Posted by abigailmom 223 days ago (Question)
I have no idea where to start I have been a Cutter for 2 years now.
and it is slowly getting worse. I cry all day long I feel I have sever depression but not sure now on to my question.
My husband and I let his what we thought was his best friend live with us in our home untill he got back on his feet. He was living her for about 1 year and 11 month when this Happened that changed our whole life.
We got a visit 2 1/2 month ago from CYS that That there was alleged reports that he had molested both my girls 2 and 4 years of age. after they investigated this it was found to be true with the 4 year old and they are unsure of the 2 year old as she can not speak fully yet to ask question. Now as a mother I feel like it my fault I'll explain why I was the one who talked my husband into letting him live with us as he had no home. Then 1 month prior to this being found out this guy an I had a fight and he was going to move out and I asked him to stay till he found a place. I never left my kids home alone with him as they are mine and my husbands responsibility not his. I feel like a bad mother we are supposed to protect our kids from harm and I failed them. I hold my daughter all the time a say I'm sorry I didn't protect you. and I cry I make sure I say it soft enough she doesn't hear me as I don't want her to get upset more. I feel Guilty Sad and blame my self every day how can I stop these feelings. also I have felt I have had depression for 3 years now and this doesn't help it any


Answers


bella
222 days ago
Hi - so sorry this happened to your daughter and possibly the other one too. When/how did he do this if he wasn't left alone and how did CYS find out?? Since you said you have pre-existing problems(self injury, I think you should get into therapy. Its natural to feel guilty and extremely upset when someone violates your child. I hope you pressed charges.

Working through this is therapy and telling your doctor about the depression is the best option. I also have 2 daughters 10 and 14 - TBH I only trusted one family member and 1 friend but waited until my oldest was 5 before I left her alone. Sadly its difficult to trust some people. I hope your family can move on and heal from this.
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abigailmom
222 days ago
This guy and his wife are divorced and his mother inlaw has custody of the kids as the wife was unfit to have them and he was living with us at that time. being Mother inlaw was afraid both might kidnapp the kids she had the judge give them supervised visits and they were due to go to court 1 month before this and the mother inlaw called CYS no both parents saying they both molested there kids and he had molested mine as well. thinkinh this was a joke I first didn't thin it happened now I know it had and. CYS feels it happened at anytime when we were home and he was and I maybe left the room to go pee or do dish who know. but like you my kids are always with me I can't even leave them home with family they cry the whole tome I'm gone so who knows I just hate my self for letting him live with us and blame my self for all of this.
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marimonkei
222 days ago
hi i am aloso sorry that someone molested yout daughters but cutting yourself is not the answer i learn from a simlar experince of cutting my self whenever you got a urge to star the cutting start try and think about some thing else then write down what u feel or well talk to someone about it and 1 thing to remember is to its never your fault you certanly get through this
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abigailmom
222 days ago
I have been a Cutter way before this happened I think 2 year now and it has been getting worse.
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whywhy
222 days ago
let the past be the past, help it help you.
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JoAnne
221 days ago
Abigail, please take it from someone who has been the recipient of childhood sexual abuse beginning around age 4. Yes, beginning. I noticed in your quest to find peace for both yourself and your daughter you wrote that you try to remain strong and tearless for her in order not to upset her. My mother did not know of mine or my sister's abuse until I told her when she was about 80. May I say, on behalf of you and your children, be open about your pain, that this happened to them, especially the 4 year old. She will most certainly remember the pain of the molestation, but will remember far more, the lack of emotion that was shown on your part, her mother. She needs to know you hurt for her, and you need to explain in terms she can understand how sad you are for the bad thing that happened to her. This is not a time to be strong, it's a time to be compassionate. Turn your sadness outward instead of inward for both your sakes. Turn your efforts of hurting yourself into healing your daughter. Cutting will not make either one of you feel better in the long run, but simple, open communication will. Trust me, I know from experience.
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abigailmom
220 days ago
This is hard for me because the day after I posted this I was sitting on my bed and silently praying to god say how I wished I had been there for them both and how I felt like I failed them as a mother by not protecting them. when 2 mins after thats my Older one who is 4 come in look me straight in the eye and goes mommy I hate you I said Why Sweetie You didn't protect us from Steve and I hate you. See we knew he did molest Abby bet never Knew about Lexi till now. This has made it worse for me as i'm sure it would any mother who was told this would be upset. I know now he did it to both as Abby confirmed this for me and being as what I said to god was not out loud she never heard me say it at all. So this came all from her mouth. now I feel worse being as she really blames me now more then ever and I hate my self for letting him in the house to do this to my babys.
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JoAnne
220 days ago
Now is the time to seek professional help for your entire family. Do NOT let it get swept under the rug because it will come back to hurt all of you. Secrets are what destroys your children and thinking it will just go away is far from the truth, especially if there was trauma involved. And, you must definitely press charges regardless of whether he was a friend or not. Save another child from becoming a victim.
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abigailmom
220 days ago
She is in therapy already and I just have to let her therapist know all of this. well CYS is doing this on there end just waiting to see when he get arrested.
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Jene
210 days ago
Moms are what I respect most in this world, I can never blame you for his utterly disgusting inhumane and immoral act. It could be worse but you saved them from possible happenings/lifetime sufferings. If possible move on to some other place. If you keep reminding it to yourself, it will be difficult for your kids to forget causing more hurdles in their growth. Your kids are too little to understand, they blame you cause they trust, you know you did fault unknowingly and took your responsibility. Now you need to think how are you supposed to ensure your child safety and growth. Make sure that Paedophile stays far from your family. Take care of yourself. Lots of love..........
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