Avatar Posted by datwonguy 126 days ago (Question)
I'm 17 (I'll be 18 next month) and I feel like I'm suffering from severe depression. I've been feeling extremely sad, irritable, and occasionally suicidal for the past 2+ years. The suicidal feelings stem from a breakup with my girlfriend of about a year. She was the only person I felt cared about me, and was the only person who made me feel anything other than emotional agony. The other feelings were present in the year leading up to my meeting my exgirlfriend. In addition to having a very hard time dealing with the breakup, my family is in a very desperate financial situation. We can't afford professional help, but I feel like I really need it. How do I go about telling my dad?


Answers

Written by bellacutie 126 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi,

I'm sorry you're feeling so sad. Does your family have insurance coverage for going to the doctor. If they don't then maybe there's some free community health centres in your area. I think the best way to tell your dad is to be very honest and tell him that your depression has been going on for a while and you need help. Although therapy and meds help, you also need to participate in getting well. This means taking care of yourself with eating well and exercising regularly.

I know it's very difficult being young and losing your first significant relationship - there's no doubt it hurts and that's normal. Unfortunately it very common for relationships to end and you can't let it make you sad. When you said "she was the only person I felt cared about me, and was the only person who made me feel anything other than emotional agony" - this is a sign of unhealthy love. Since you were so depressed you looked to her as being your whole source of relief and when it ended you lost all hope and this isn't a healthy way to feel. In a healthy relationship you have a person who's emotional state is in tact and when they meet someone - that person doesn't complete the other's wholeness but accents it. When this kind of relationship ends, neither feel devastated because they have a strong sense of self. It's difficult for anyone to have a successful relationship unless they're emotionally healthy because they end up being needy and the relationships ends. You're young and hopefully when you feel better you'll find someone new.

Regarding the suicidal feelings, you should know that's not an option because it would hurt your family and friends. My own brother committed suicide a year and 4 months ago. Here's a goood website you can look up:

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

It's also important to be grateful for what you do have. I know things are tough financially for your family - it's like that for many people right now. If you look hard you can find things to be grateful for and this will help you get out of negative thinking. It can be simple like good health, good meal. or a warm bed to sleep in etc... Sometimes when people are depressed they start to feel pressured and edgy - they start feeling frustrated and sorry for themselves. When this happens it's best to just relax and accept the sad feelings - experience them and don't fight them. The reason I say this is sometimes we need to feel pain in order to grow emotionally and change. Does this mean we need to accept feeling depressed forever -nof course not.

Once you go to the doctor and start taking care of yourself, these feelings will get better. I suggest you start working on your self esteem because this is very important in life. Remember that many other people go through relationship losses too - you will get over this and other people do care about you. Best of luck Bella

Written by datwonguy 125 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Our medical insurance is very limited. I know that all relationships end at some point (either by breakup or death), and I also know that my feelings for her were unhealthy. Knowing this, and knowing that I let it take control just makes me feel worse about myself. I know I have a lot to be thankful for. Even though my family doesn't have much, I know we have more than a lot of people in the US now. That does make me feel a little better, but it also adds to it because I can't do anything to help the people who are worse off than I am. I really do try to accept being sad a lot of the time, but I can't let apathy take over. To quote Three Days Grace: "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all." I know I have a low self-esteem. And, again, it makes me feel worse because a lot of my friends generally look to me to help them when they're feeling down. I don't know how I manage to get them through their problems when I can't even manage my own.

Written by Edahn 126 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

There's no shame in being sad. It's normal. Just be honest and genuine.

If you don't have money for therapy, you can look for some books dealing with anger and depression, or you can just write a new post and ask the elders here at Answers. :)

Edahn

Written by bellacutie 125 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi again,

thanks for the reply. By the way I like your name it's funny. I'm glad you realize alot of the things I suggested - now all you need to do is be patient and make small steps in improving yourself. Speak to your father and see if you can go to the doctor, but first try to get better on your own. It's good you can give advice to others and I understand that feeling of not being able to practice what you preach. I think you should start out small and work your way up. How about going to the library and check out some books on depression. You could also try volunteering for something you feel passionate about, since you spoke about feeling empathy for others.

Recently on Good Morning America there was a doctor who believes that if we act happy even when we're not feeling it, then it triggers bio-chemical reactions in the brain and we can eventually create a happy state in our minds - he even had CAT scans to prove that an actual change in the brain takes place depending what emotional pattern we're in.. Now this isn't for severe or organic depression like bipolar etc, even though doing this wouldn't hurt them. It also doesn't mean you need to skip around pretending and living in denial. To prove this theory think of how you feel when you spontaneously laugh really hard - how do you feel after? Well your repiratory rate increases and you feel perked up.

How about you rent some funny movies or look up some funny clips on the computer. Speaking about computers try not to spend too much time on them - get out and enjoy the outdoors. Good luck and enjoy the rest of your summer. :)

Written by Fpsy 125 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi datwonguy,

below is a link for self for dealing with depression. Check it out and see if the info is useful for you.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm

all the best.

Written by Clyde 118 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

You realize that you just need to come out and tell him. I mean, what can you do if you dont?

You could even go to your school and talk to your counselor and see if they could even help you a bit.

Best,

Clyde


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