I am about 12 years old. I live with both of my parents and I have two sisters. One of my sisters has mental retardation and everyday I hear people calling me retard, tard, retarded, ect. I hear the word every where and now I am playing with knifes, needles, and sissors. I am letting my cat scratch me for fun and I want to kill myself. I love God, but I just dont know how to handle my feelings. I have been acting out evryday and all of my family thinks that I am someone that everybody hates and they are surprised that I have friends. I have been depressed for about a year right after I broke up with my boyfriend. I just lost a lot of my friends for the way I am acting. I have been friends with this one girl siecne 1st grade. And now I want her to die! Her mom sent me a message on facebook saying things like she is worried about me and I am a mean girl. I have been gettin grounded repeatedly and I told my parents I hope they burn in hell. I use bad words. I am always really mad and I dont know why. I am way to scared to tell anyone about my depression, but I told my cuzin witch is also depressed. I only told my boyfriend, friend, and her. I need some help so I need to know how can I tell my mom. I am worried that she will just yell at me and be like Celeste you're over reacting! I had a boyfriend that told me to take pictures of my boobs and stuff. Never did. He hates me and still askes me to. I used to respect myself and my body and now I hate my self. I never feel like going anywhere or doing anything anymore. I take a lot of quizs and they all say I am very depressed. I have zits and get made fun of because of it. I get mad when people call me skinny or pretty because I know I am not. My mom never takes my seriously and I am always a joke. I want to kill myself all the time and hurt myself a lot. Please help me find the motavation and help me to find a way to tell my mom. I dont want to give her a lecture. I try to brake my ankles but it never works. Please help me be my happy old self! And find a way to tell my mom.