Hi. I used to have very close friends but it's like everything changed over night. 6 months ago we were all good friends, hanging out and talking, now I feel I am being avoided. I call them all the time to see if they want to hang out, but they never answer my calls. I message them on facebook when I'm free, but they never respond. They update their site with pics everyday hanging out, having fun, and doing stuff, I am only one missing from the group (literally). I feel so depressed. I talk to my family and do things with them all the time, but yet I still feel empty. I try to keep occupied by drawing, going outside, listening to music, etc. but it's just not the same. My best friend who I could go to for anything is now too busy to even chat. If I call one of my "friends" and they do happen to pick up, it's always "Can I call you back?" or "Hey I'm busy right now?".
I have tried so many times to forget them all and move on. I grew up socially awkward because my family sheltered me from a lot of things a normal person should experience. I hate it every day, I find myself blaming them for the way I am. I am trying to get out more and talk to new people but where do I go? What do I say? but I have very poor social skills, and I'm not that attractive either. I'm not downing myself but this is what I was told. I've thought about giving up and accepting being alone, removing myself from society. I'm having heavy thoughts of enlisting in the military, as a career choice. But my family does not support me and verbally threatens me every time I mention it. I've always wanted to do this since I was a kid. They love to lecture me like I'm still a child. "I WOULDN'T DO THAT, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS, BE A ROLE MODEL TO THE YOUR COUSINS, ETC". They have a family of tradition which I do not want to fall into, it's in no way bad, but I don't want to be apart of it. I feel as though I am always being told what to do, being controlled, like some sort of puppet. I've lost myself and I need help.
During the day I'm sitting at home alone with my dog, playing video games and on the internet. I used to joke about the idea of doing this all day, this happening, becoming deeply depressed like this. What can I do to get back on track? What exactly am I missing? Am I doing something wrong? Should I just get away for a while?
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