I feel like I dont want to be alive right now. I dont think im going to kill myself, that would be too much effort and would hurt too many people.
But I feel like my whole body cant move and I cant make myself want to do anything. I feel like im in pain, like im trapped.
Iv had this trapped feeling when i once smoked marijuana and lay in bed unable to move wishing it would end, thinking this is the worst experience of my life.
Its like that now. Sometimes I cry a bit, like a few tears but i dont really have energy to cry properly. Im not even crying for a reason.
I like sleeping because then I can escape but theres only so much one can sleep. My limbs feel heavy and i feel like everything is dulled, like i cant feel physical pain.
I hate this so much
and i dont know what to do. I think i know how this started. everything started going wrong in my life and i started feeling sad and then it just got worse and now i
feel like im having some sort of breakdown or something. When i can muster up the energy i feel angry with myself and pathetic and i want to punish myself but i cant change anything.
i don't know what to do.i cant think straight and i dont even know why im writing this or how i have the energy to or what it could achieve. i honestly feel like i want to be dead right now.