I am now 40 years old, I am a gay male who is single and pretty much a good friend, brother, and son. I loved life for years in my thirties and now I feel lost and hopeless about where my life is going. I wake up with no purpose and feel what is the point? I can not stand my job and the people I work with are always down and there is just no positive energy anywhere I turn. I have looked at web sites and have tried the secret and Listen to Dr. Wayne Dyer talk on and on about feeling good and what to do about it. And it sinks in and I get it for about a week and then the real word sucks me right back down. I have my good days but most of my time is spent wondering if I am going to be single for the rest of my life and will I ever meet the guy I am going to be happy with and that can love me? I have issues with my body I am tall and thin except for my gut and that makes me so upset. This all seem to have started with a car accident I had a year ago it took me out of all of my activities, working out and just general being with friends. I am better physically but I just can not seem to find myself again. I am just letting life pass me by I feel, and I want to get back into it!! I get feeling better for about a day and then someone can just pull me right down again so I think that is why I stay away from crowds. I know I am super sensitive and I need a thicker skin for sure. So how can I get it back what can I do to bring good people into my life? I need a new job one that makes a difference in peoples lives something that makes me feel good to go to work every day a new outlook on life I just feel so stuck that its making me feel crazy and think crazy thoughts and I do not want to think like this at all. Help me with any insight you may have I am at my end with this and can not keep living in this way.


Answers


bella
1472 days ago
I'm sorry you're in a funk at the moment. It's difficult to tell if you're depressed or life circumstances are just weighing you down. It would be best to find solutions and coping strategies to deal with your circumstances before turning to a doctor for help. Are you able to tolerate exercise since the car accident? If you are, I recommend starting an exercise program again - this is one of the best ways to feel better emotionally along with healthy eating.

You can also join the forum section by clicking on community - there's a LGBTQ forum. I often hear other gay men your age, express the same dilemma of wanting a stable relationship. I know there are other men your age who want this as well, I just don't know where to find them lol.

Regarding your job - you don't want to quit until you've secured a different job. What kind of job would you like to have and would you need to return to school to get the job you love? In the meantime, have you thought about volunteering for something you feel passionate about? This would stir up those inspirational feelings and direct your attention elsewhere.

I think it normal for you to feel this way, considering you're unhappy with the way your life is going. You need to figure out what are the reasonable changes, you can make to improve your life.



srqwbw
1471 days ago
Thank you I feel the same way deep inside and I have my good days and bad days and then really bad days. lol I just need to talk to someone to get the thoughts out of my head and sort them all out. This helped so thank you for answering me back.

Will



resperation
1462 days ago
I'm 24 and was in a huge car accident at the age of 15 where I had a tiny part of my brain removed and some metal implanted and it is so easy to blame any hardships that I have now on an accident 9 years ago.

And it has not been easy but I know that the past is gone and lingering in it would only separate me from my body now.

The difficult part is getting over concentrating on what I feel is holding me back, to concentrating on the incredible opportunities that must be available to me each moment.

And the body in its physicality is an incredible thing,

love it.

There is supposedly more connections in the human brain then atoms in the universe and apparently a woman chased by a tiger jumped 12 feet in the air to get onto a branch.

For my own life I wish to find a way to convert that potential of jumping 12 feet in the air to power me through obstacles without such a dynamic motivation as being chased by a tiger!

But the body is not so important, if we meet a great soul then we call it exactly that, a "soul". like the body is only a soul incarnate. Same with the word 'person', we think of a person as having a body, but its almost unimportant of our perception of the person, its the personality of a person which shines and we give real value to (despite what all the beauty magazines/commercials say).

So even in everyday life, it's not the bodily appearance that matters, its a connection from one soul to another.

Every time I have met a 'successful' person for an extended period of time I am surprised how there is a vulnerable side to them, they are not superhuman just human like everybody else.

People who have achieved good fitness levels apparently have to make the decision everyday to work out, and maybe it becomes easier once its almost a habit - but the decision has to be made everyday.

“Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.” – William Feather

and my favorite ever quote:

"enlightenment is not the way to happiness, happiness is the way"

The Buddha

A couple of days ago I tried feeling incredibly enthusiastic about every new task that I set out to do and I surprised myself at how pumped up I managed to get myself, so much so that in the evening, I went out to see some live music and walked into the pub to meet my friends and I was way too chatty and dynamic and had to internally dull down the energy I had so that I could relate to my friends whom I was there to watch the gig with.

They went home early but the music was good so I stayed and had a good dance and received a text later on from my friends telling me I was cool!

I should try and make this decision to be enthusiastic about all the tasks I have to do everyday as maybe I stumbled onto a winning mentality there.

My ex girlfriends best friend, she is always wanting to make a new start - EVery resolution of new year or period of time,

and I think this is because she lives on a passive aggressive level where she falls into bad habits of playing far to many video games and not balancing it with work maybe scared to go out, then suddenly wants it all to change and so will make a new extreme decision to maybe move countries or something and its all catching up with her, its too unstable.

She needs to be more assertive and consistantly build upon what she already has to create paths towards something better.

She cannot see her own potential.

When I was feeling lost (I still do) I had repeated to me things along the lines of: Find a way to bring good people into your life.

Which I understand now to mean 'fill your life with positive influences, and when there is none, make your own.'

You could start with role models, people who are high up in a field that you would like to improve on, sport athletes or great minds, sometimes both haha.

Lance Armstrong maybe a good one who did not once win the Tour de France until he was diagnosed with brain, pancreatic and testicular cancer and then went on to win the most prestigious and biggest bicycling race in the world 7 times.

Or if you can not think of any role models then start by looking up motivational speakers, youtube is full of them, even compilations of them the two main good motivational themed video compilations I have found on youtube have been the TED talks and conferences or some of the speakers in the 30 day course in mastery

My favorite motivational speaker is Les Brown.

The mans Brilliant.

Another man whom I think is absolutely amazing because he presents topics that everyone can relate and makes you think about them in such a charming way is the comedian Dimetri Martin.

In his stand up routine "if i" (can be seen on youtube) he begins by saying

"'the unexamined life is not worth living.' Socrates said that"

and then talks about the events which lead up to his life so far, where he felt completely lost in his chosen profession and about his attempts to put measures in place to improve his life.

I think attempting to improve quality of life is infinitely better then not, even if it does not immediately get very far.

One thing I was surprised with after I have come out of a period of depression is that some people in my life really do care so much and feeling like you can make a difference as you mentioned can be given as a gift to them by letting people help you thereby having a positive effect on their lives, therefore making a difference yourself.

Writing this has been therapeutic for me, thanks for giving me an opportunity to write it.

be happy