Avatar Posted by cr1989 131 days ago (Question)
I stress this now because its starting to take a toll on me emotionally. I'm convinced that she thinks I'm a retard and please don't answer saying, "I bet you're a smart kid." I've heard that enough and i don't believe it! She treats me like a little kid when I'm 19. For instance, I can't choose what to wear, what car I drive, what music I listen to; it's ridiculous! And no, standing up to her isn't an option because it's hard as hell. As a result of not allowing me to defend myself, I'm a weak person. She's the one who needs a fix up; like anger management and parenting lessons (but its too late because her oldest is 19). The only viable option is to move out, but I can't for awhile because of financial issues (I'm unemployed), and I'm both so angry but sad at the same time.


Answers

Written by bellacutie 131 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi,

I agree your Mom does sound very controlling and I assume she's always been like this - as a result she's probably always made every decision for you and that's why you have a hard time asserting yourself. You should be able to choose your own clothes, music and what car you drive. Children need to learn much younger than 19 to make decisions for themselves. Is she controlling with other family members too?

Since you can't move out, then I really think you need to learn to be assertive. My girls ar 11 and 7 and they pick out their own clothes and I don't tell my 11 yr old what music to put on her Ipod. If you find it hard to talk, is it possible to write her a letter? If she tries to tell you what clothes to wear, just wear what you want - if she says anything then tell her that even 6 yr olds pick their own clothes.

It's important that you get a handle on your anger and hatred because these are destructive emotions for you to carry around. Is your mom a single parent?? The reason I ask is sometimes mom's who are on their own feel like they have to take control because they can't depend on a partner.

It's okay to stand up for yourself - it's far better than suffering with pent up anger. What's the worst that can happpen. I'm not saying you should have a big fight, just tell her firmly that you're not a child and don't want tot be treated like one. Maybe she doesn't realize the harm she's doing?? Best of luck and I hope you feel better. Hugs Bella :)

Written by cr1989 121 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I get what you're saying, but it's more likely to have life on Mars than to stand up for yourself. It's like she abuses her power of being a parent.

Written by Edahn 120 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

http://scienceray.com/astronomy/proof-life-exists-on-mars/

Find a way. It's part of growing up. I did it; so can you.

Written by Edahn 131 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I agree with bella. You need to stand up for yourself. You can start by standing up against all the negative self-talk and beliefs that have weaseled their way into your thinking, things like "I'm weak" and "I can't do it" and "she's too strong." There is no such thing. Every outcome of your confrontations depends on how firmly you believe in your principles. If you believe what she's doing is wrong with CONVICTION, then you will be able to figure out how to stand up for yourself and succeed. It may take a little practice, but I bet that if you try, you'll see that each time you get a little better until she backs down.

You can just ask yourself: "what do I know to be right? What do I know to be wrong? How do her actions measure up?"

Written by Clyde 130 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I agree--being assertive is the issue then. If you cannot be assertive, nothing will change until you make the money to move out.

Best,

Clyde


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