I'm 38 and suffered a lifetime of bullying from my overpowering mother. I have been petrified of her mood swings and psychotic behavior since childhood and now even in adulthood cannot bring myself to tell her exactly what I think of her. I have now reached the final straw. She has given me the last 'guilt trip', the last 'snide remark'. My problem is that she has a warped sense of reality so even if I tried to explain how I feel she would twist everything I say to her advantage (I have tried in the past). She has the ability to make everything my fault, I'm always the villain. I now have reached the point where I no longer care. I have cried so may tears over the nasty things that she has said that there's nothing left. I give up. I would just like her to go away, leave me and my family alone. Yet....I know that if she were to know the truth, it would break her heart. I guess there's a tiny spark of guilt in me that doesn't want to hurt her feelings, after all she is my mother. Despite the fact that she thinks nothing of hurting my feelings and telling me what a terrible daughter I am.


Answers


Greg77733
2195 days ago
Hey, I know what you mean, my step-father and mom messed my head up pretty bad too. The only thing I can say is they may not be the best moms, but they are all we got. One day they will pass and we don't need our anger to have regrets when they are gone. I know that isn't much, but with the anger I also have and being thruthful, I really don't know what else to say.



freckles123
2195 days ago
Not that I would want anyone's head to be as messed up as mine...it's comforting to know that there is someone who knows where I'm coming from. I do wonder how I will feel when it's too late to change things.



Edahn
2195 days ago
For whatever love you have for her, you need to have that same amount of love and compassion (if not more) for yourself. Having a big heart (which I think you have) is something that encompasses all people, including ourselves.

Your mother is like a hot stove. If you get too close, you get burned. In order to preserve your self-love and integrity, but still care for your mother, I think you need to develop a way to love her from a distance. Draw some internal boundaries about how intimate you are going to be with her. For example, you might have to leave the details out of your life outside of the relationship so as not to give her a chance to hurt you. If she's overpowering, you might have to leave certain topics of conversation out, like your career or relationships. If she asks you about it, you can deflect the question or give a vague response or whatnot. It's an artform.

Given the amount of guilt she's laid on you, and the fact that you seem to have a big heart, this'll probably take some practice, and you'll probably have the urge to "open up" on several occasions when it seems "safe" to, but you need to remember yourself, and remember that this is really the only way you can love this person right now. Any other relationship (like the one you have now) isn't love at all -- it's manipulation and exploitation. I think you know that.

Your heart's in the right place. You just have to be brave and remember that you're worth it.



maliz
2194 days ago
Hi Freckles

I read your post and I would like to tell you that I find myself in a similar situation, although a bit different in some ways. The similarities are that my mom always makes me feel guilty for everything I do, and everything is always my fault, even though she is nasty and ever so mean.

I'm 27 years old and a couple of years ago I decided to leave my life in Canada and move to Italy. I couldn't take it anymore. I knew that if I stayed I wouldn't be able to live my life normally.

However, things went even worse than I expected. My parents hate my life here, they hate my boyfriend, they hate the choices I make, and reprimand me every day for having chosen to live so far away from them.

What really got me about your comment was this:

"Yet....I know that if she were to know the truth, it would break her heart. I guess there's a tiny spark of guilt in me that doesn't want to hurt her feelings, after all she is my mother."

I know my mom is my mom but she is just crazy and way to much to handle in life.

How have you dealt with your problem?

Do you live near your mom? You are a brave person, let's keep in touch.



freckles123
2193 days ago
Hi Maliz, You're situation does sound so very similar to mine. I have a brother who lives in the US and I'm very jealous of him being so far away and out of reach. My mother goes to visit him just once a year for a week, how great is that??

I live about one hour away from my mum (sorry 'mom', I'm english :-)). It drives me insane. Most of the guilt she gives me is due to the amount of time - or lack of it - that I spend with her. The latest outburst was because I'm visiting my dad this weekend for a couple of days. He has moved recently and now lives over 5 hours away from us. He is retired, on his own (since my mum left him) and to be honest I get on great with him.I have seen my dad twice this year. One visit was due to him staying with me for a week - he can do that now....he's retired. The other visit was just after he moved, I wanted to make sure he was settled in ok.

Apparently according to my mum, I favor my dad. However after her outburst I took down my calendar and wrote down every visit this year so far. I've seen her five times. Including a weekend in London which I paid for us both for her 60th birthday and also 4 days I stayed at her house in the summer holidays with my children (my youngest daughter refused to stay there unless I went too - but that's another story).

I am a quiet person, I'm not one to make waves. I don't like confrontation and feel completely out of my depth in an argument. I've never had the confidence to stand up to her and tell her she's crazy. Now don't go thinking that i'm a walk over in life in general - because I'm not. I stand up for myself at work and even for my colleagues and I can be quite outspoken when I feel strongly about something. I don't normally let people walk all over me - I'm just quiet. How I am with my mum is a different matter. My eldest daughter is 9, I see such similarities between her and me. She is quiet - a thinker and has worked out that if you're quiet, do as your told then you get left alone. My Youngest (age 7) is ....how can I put it....more colorful, more cheeky, more accident prone and less likely to take a blind bit of notice. Consequently my youngest gets reprimanded whenever we visit at my mother's and her partners house. Now - I don't even tell her (my mother) to stop. I don't bring it to her attention that she is favoring one over the other.

The reason for me not ever standing up to her and the reason for the comment that you picked out - is because I can't knowingly hurt someones feelings....especially my mother's. I know that in her own twisted way - she loves me and actually likes to believe that we are the best of friends. Yes she's jealous, bitter, twisted, crazy, psychotic and opinionated. She also has very low self esteem, she has pretty much no friends, she seems to lose nearly every job she has. She was even taken to tribunal recently by her boss who accused her of bullying him!!

She had to change jobs yet again. Now when you know that she is at her lowest ebb and she says 'I must be a terrible person' - how do you then say 'yes...you are'. She has such an aggressive tone in her voice - not just with me - with everyone.

A couple of years ago we fell out, over something really stupid. I stood up to her for once. She walked off and left me stranded with the kids on a day out. When I got home I was so angry that I wrote her an e-mail explaining my reasons for being upset with her. She was truly being pathetic and had presumably expected me to have ESP. Anyhow, my e-mail wasn't so angry...just an explanation. The e-mail I received in return was just a torrent of angry abuse. The things she said were hateful, the sort of things you wouldn't expect your mother to say to you. She ranted and ranted. Now, I was astounded. My immediate reaction was to write a very lengthy e-mail back. I listed everything. From school, childhood, and told her exactly what I thought of her. It took me several hours and when I had finished my husband read through it before I sent it. He was really pleased that I had gotten everything off my chest....then he said 'now delete it'. I did just that, I never sent it. I just sent an e-mail that said 'I love you too mum'. I guess that was more infuriating than ever. She didn't get the response she wanted. I didn't answer the phone for two weeks and when I finally did, she swallowed hard and apologized.

Since then I couldn't give a shit. There's nothing she can say that would hurt my feelings any more. I feel completely apathetic - is that the right word? I don't want to hurt her feelings - but I don't care for a relationship either. In the main I have practiced (as per Edahn's answer) not involving her in my life (where possible). I felt I had to take her away for her birthday. I didn't do it out of choice. If she says jump...I jump. Then it's all quiet until she decides it's been too long again.

What do I do??? Where do I go from here?? I see no light at the end of the tunnel. She wouldn't believe the truth even if I told her. I can't ignore her. I don't have it in me to stand up to her.

How do you deal with your mom? She lives far away from you yet she still has an effect on your life?



Clyde
2190 days ago
Sorry to hear about your situation.

It speaks of you well that you still wish the best for her and wish that she would care for you.

Best,

Clyde



iWillNotSayMyName
2174 days ago
Such a situation must be annoying to deal with. Its hard not to confront her, but you shouldn't. Confronting and talking are to different things. If you confront her she probably will feel defensive and hurt; try to talk it over with her. Good luck.

-Gio



RollingKopcter
1608 days ago
Hi, I typed "I hate my mother" and I was surprised how many replies are there. I thought I was one of rare people who is having issues with his mother. I feel sorry for all you that do, but I's a relief when I see I'm not the only one.

I'm 17, and my mother is one crazy woman. I felt guilty couple mouths ago when I wished she was dead. Now I don't. His constant terror over me made me so cold and kinda depressed. Even at moment of writing this she's standing over my head yelling and screaming about me spending too much time on computer (but I actually sit 2 - 2.5 hour on computer during the day). I got used to my mother, but still i can't find a way to define her behavior, so I'm just gonna say some examples of her treatment to me.

All my friends can go out for like couple hours, and all of them gotta be home till 3am (Fridays and Saturdays). But, thanks to her I have to be home by 23pm. And if I'm just a minute late she'll scream at me and sometimes even hit me. Do you know how it feels when all of your friends are going out at the time when you have to be home. I'm ain't no chauvinists but girls can be out till like 3am. I remember when I was like 13, my "going out" was till 8pm. And I came home five minutes later, my mother took a belt and hit me couple of times over my torso, I had to go to see a doctor.

She is a freaking maniac and she need to control my every step, it's like living in high power jail!I can't go to my friends house for like ten minutes without her asking what I'm gonna do there etc. It's normal for a parent to know what is his child doing, but I'm 17 and she acts like I''m in penitentiary.

When she comes home I don't know will she yell, and for what, or she's gonna take something and try to hit me with that (once she threw a trash can on me - but she missed). She doesn't hesitate to hit me with a belt, with a stick, it doesn't matter to her. Once she took my keyboard and smashed it. She is taking my cell phone from me, so as my computer, she grounds me etc. I became immune on that, but it still hurts though.

I remember when I was 12, and I had a birthday party. She came and hit me in the face and threw all my friends out, cause she had a problem with a "very loud music".

She loves to disparage me in public or privately. When we go to our cousins she tells me what I can say and when. She is shutting me up when I speak, yelling at me etc. She’s not letting me to talk to them, and when she does she’s asking questions what I spoke to them.

I'm so depressed and lonely with her. I have a lot of friends, but you know what I mean. I don't know, but I think it's not normal for a 17 years old boy to cry over his life full of misery because of her mother.

I'm afraid I'm gonna kill her. Not so long ago she was just about to beat me, and I grab her hands and it was like a second that pushed me back, otherwise, she would be dead now.

I'm almost straight A student, one of the best in my generation (at my school). But she's always yelling about me not learning enough etc. She says that my friends are having bad influence on me, but they're not. They are all good guys that I know for years (so as she). In her opinion I'm too stupid to go out, to have friends, or do/have anything else. I didn't get her support for anything I ever tried. And everything I do has to be "undercover" because she's a freaking control freak and she despise my been!

I think for myself I'm a good boy, student (I don't smoke, drink, smoke pot, I'm an excellent student...), but it's not enough for her. Her life is miserable, so she wants to destroy mine. And I'm helpless.

I tried to talk to her, didn't help. I argue and fight back when she yelled, didn't help too. My family tried to talk to her, and she just yell at them and send them to hell.

She's also screaming at my dad, so he's forced to go out, sometimes for couple of hours just not to be with her, and when he gets back she continues with her screaming session! He's helpless too.

My "mother" is constantly doing everything in my contra! She's insulting me, yelling, not letting go out, everything. It's not normal for anyone to wish his mother is dead, but I do. I want her dead. And there's nothing I can do about it. Either to help myself, or anything... I don’t feel a bit a guilt about my wishes for her.

Right now, my brother gave me an advice: try to ignore her, and avoid conflicting her. And it kinda helps. Didn't improved my situation though, but my nerves are less stressed (but she’s also yelling, but she stops after half an hour, before she knew to scream in the same rhythm for an hour or more).

I was a swimmer for like two years, and I developed a nice musculature. But my club fell apart, so I had to stop with it. I gain a little fat on my belly so I'm trying to loss it, and I want to go to the gym. My mother told me I'm insane, that I'm too fat and too weak (lol) to do something like that. So I have to go undercover, cause if she finds out, I'm basically a dead man. She says I have a terrible body (except for the belly, I really don't) so she's making fun of my how I can't go to the pool, or take my shirt off etc. She actually spitted at me once. And, not to mention that she's saying it on daily base how she's unhappy for having me, that it would be better for her that she never give me born etc.

To be honest, I don't know how will I take it ‘till I'm 18. I think I'll go crazy, or I'll kill her, or something... I just don't know. She made my life a living hell. Its not a life anymore, it's an everyday struggle.

She has no friends, she has no one, no one loves her, everyone is avoiding her, or afraid of her, so she needs a spot to torture someone and cure her frustrations (so I'm a perfect target). She's a sadist, and I don't know how much more I can take it from her.

P.S Sorry for my my bad English, I didn't read over this, and I didn't check grammar.



seadancer
2120 days ago
Hi Freckles:

It is hard to see and accept that the people we "should have" a loving relationships like mom, dad, brothers or sisters, are far from our reality. Even worse, those are the ones who hurt the most many times and give us the pain we never expected. I have been there.

With time I am learning simple lessons I would like to share with you:

1. Understand that she does not understand you. SO, YOU understand.

It is heartbreaking and a waste of time and energy to make someone understand how you feel about the situation and the results are not worth it.

2. Try to keep yourself safe inside. Guard your heart from exposing yourself to be hurt. Your treasure is inside, your peace, joy and love for yourself are inside not in your mother´s words or behavior.

3. Don´t feel guilty about keeping your life away from her. Love does not force you to share or even "try" harder in a tough relationship.

4. Set yourself free of yourself and the deep feeling of MAYBE if you do something different, things will change...If they do, good, if they don´t, still you will survive, but do it.

5. Focus in the things that make you happy and live for it. Enjoy yourself and have a FULL LIFE. You deserve it.

Love, and HAPPY NEW, always NEW YEAR.



LouBeel
2011 days ago
I am in a similar situation. I am 38, my children are 9 and 7 and hardly know my mother who only lives 1-1/2 hours away. She swears like a sailor, keeps loaded guns in the house, allows her 4 dogs to go to the bathroom on her floors, keeps rotting food in the fridge, doesn't keep her home clean or healthy, spills pills all over and says hurtful and careless things to my children. We have not been close in 20+ years but the last 10 have been very stormy. I have distanced myself as well as I can and heartily endorse that method of insulation. It has been awkward to explain to others (why my children have never been to her home, why she doesn't show up for their birthdays, etc.) but ultimately it only reflects poorly on her. Unfortunately, she recently had a stroke and needed me. Her stroke was mild enough that she has returned home. As much animosity as we have, I still would like her to move geographically closer so that should she have another stroke (it would be her 3rd) or serious illness, I will not have to drive 2 hours, 3X/day to feed her dogs while still caring for my own family. My brother (who lives comfortably in another state) thinks this is selfish, but I feel like she has had her own home for nearly 40 years and ought to consider downsizing a little and moving closer to the only person in the same state who can help in an emergency. Now that I've said it all "out loud," maybe I don't feel too terrible about not being closer to her to help. During the month of rehab after her stroke, I was not home to make dinner, check my children's homework, take them to scouts or even spend time with them since I was either at the hospital with her or at her house cleaning so that her dogs wouldn't be turned over to animal control and the house condemned as soon as home-health saw it. That effort may have been a mistake on my part, but it is too late to undo. Thank you so much to all of you who have posted - if nothing else, Freckles, at least know you are not the only one. After a month of frustration, all of the respondants' ideas feel like blessedly cool water to me.



juandiaz
1848 days ago
I can relate to all my mother has drove me absolutely nuts with her psychotic behavior. I have no advice other than just to vent .. besides being raised a Jehovah's witness.. I mean all the craziness the picking me up from school events cause they do not jive with the religion from children throwing spitballs at me cause I did not stand for the Pledge Of Allegiance from being accused of being gay cause I used my church buddy as an escape goat to date women when I was a teenager. The homemade clothes she made me wear to school. The 1950's hair cut! And all the dumb ass comments she has made to me over the years. I am never good enough or successful enough I am always wrong I raise my daughter wrong she is always interfearing. she talks crap about me to her friends at church. WHATEVER!!! today I walked in on her mailing bills with my childhood stamp collection. I am now 40 and I can say with out a doubt I do hate my mother!



adaisy
1789 days ago
Freckles I understand what you are going through. My mother was never there growing up and she has always put me down. As she has gotten older and I have a 6 month old she has gotten much worse. She has tried to keep my son from me when i just let her watch him overnight.. She tells me I am useless to her and that she has nothing for me. She is verbally abusive and in the past she has been physically abusive she busted my knee cap when I was sixteen with a thick solid wood cutting board it ruined my cheerleading career. It is not your fault freckles. just like I know that it is not mine but I still keep blaming myself like I should try to be a better daughter. Sometimes the best thing to do is stay away.. I know that it is hard. It has always been hard for me because she would call and cry and try to make me think that she was different and that things would be different this time. But they never are. I am sorry for all you are going through Freckles but you are not alone:) Sometimes the family we have is not always the family we were born into:) We can choose our family:) I hope that things get better and I am sorry for all of your heartache:)

Peace & Love,

Daisy



Darryl J
1764 days ago
Hey everybody, my name is darryl. At just 18 years old ive expierienced alot in my lifetime, and came to the conclusion that hate is not a strong enough term to describe what i feel for my mother. A lot has gone wrong in my life because of my manipulative mother. The story i have is way too long for me to sit here and type, but in this whole "hate my mother" game im a pro. And i can tell you all this. Despite the fact what anyone tells you for example " how could you hate your mother? thats terrible ! She brought you into this world". Don't bother explaining your story people like that. They won't understand. Its people like us that have to learn the tough way and get the "tough love" treatment so that we can be better people in the future. Its people like us who become good role models and great parents. My mother (who i call by her first name) has ruined my life. Shes ruined my good name, Ruined my credit for her own shopping pleasure, and made me look like a bad person by lying to my own family. Basically when it comes down to it, since i have no family support what so ever, (no father in the picture) i focus on myself and its made me a better person. Do not feel ashamed of your feelings toward your mothers or fathers. Its not our faults. Just try to look at things optimistically for now untill the day they actaully wake up and realize what theyve done wrong.



dracuher
1764 days ago
I'm 14 years old and i'm currently experiencing this i might sound... cliche but to know that people have survived this it helps. I mean i cry at night, I don't want to live anymore. And the great man they called "Jesus" oh he's just a roman parody to me. My mother continuly takes everything to her advantage and the people around me... At home, My only escape is my computer i can't go outside or anything i'm in captivity... Not to make this sound like a rant on religion or anything , i was a believer and i feel upset. I mean if i do survive this... I'm suicidal ALOT depressed and it's not just this i have other problems...very bad problems. I don't know why some days i go through i think of a easy painless way to kill myself. I'm always talking about the glass of arsenic i wish i could take to my online friends. I'd like to go into detail and all but it would just take me an eternity... Thank's.



Darryl J
1764 days ago
Dracuher... 4 years ago when i was your age, i went through the same thing bro, except i didnt have any help. Ive held knived to my chest, stared at bottles of pills and wanted to just end my life. But if you do that... she wins, and you lose everything. Your in a battle little man. A battle for success. I understand what your going through. I know its hard. I used to be a beiliever to, i stopped when my life crashed and burned. I feel like im in hell because of what my mothers done to me. I got some tips for you that might help lil homie.



Life2Live
1351 days ago
Hang in there! Once you have placed your trust in Christ there is no one or nothing that can take you out of His hands. Theres no once I was a Believer now I'm not. God can prove a person never really accepted Him even though they thought they did, but once you have put your faith in the fact that only His act on the cross can remove your sins then you belong to Him. Now your life choices will be a reflection of that faith the fruites of your life come by our willingness to yeild to His transforming us. God has used oppression in peoples lives many times King Saul/David. David was often depressed and cried out to God all the time and waited patiently for His responce in His time. God used David's cercumstances for God's glory and David's charecter, which He is doing in us. You are young and at a very volitle age, the devil is really after kids your age, he wants to see you defeated and distroyed. Jesus is your Creator and the lover of your soul. Unfortunetly because oif Adam and Eves choice we are all suffering and experianceing what we are. I was in your spot as well, but I am 36 now and 1000 miles away from my mother and praiseing God for it everday beacuse I can finally heal. He will do the same for you hang in there, you are loved.



ACMe
1748 days ago
My mother is evil. She is an abusive psychopath and has turned my entire family against me.



Mommy Ish
1714 days ago
How about this I have two of the worst parents as parents. They are educated , hold great jobs but they are the shittiest parents ever. I cannot talk to my mother, she gets offended and prides herself in shutting down.I wish someone healthy raised me rather than a 55 year old woman who still acts liek a child. She has managed to pass on her dysfuncional behavior to my sisters . They actually battle about who is more like her. Unbelievable. Anyway , a couple fo days ago I sent her a facebook message explaining all the pain she caused me and she did a classic " shut down" and prohibited me from sending her any more messages. I swear I did not know I will be dealing with this all over again. Whatever happened to " hey, woman, this is your child, if she is hurting, listen to her and try and help her"...but NO!! my mother thinks everyone should walk around her like it's some egg shell. I feel completely sad at the moment because had I kept quiet, at least when i call she'llpick up. Get this, she's thinking of getting her masters in psychology. Its a must I gettherapy before this woman robs me off any sunshine in my life.



anglocelta
1692 days ago
I found this thread by googling "I hate my mother" - LOL! I have also had a lifetime of problems with my mother and I deeply feel that same anguish, while at the same time honestly knowing that if I were never to see her/speak to her again, I really would not care or feel any sense of loss. She's a manipulator bordering on coldblooded ruthlessness and has made a string of enemies throughout her life; I'm talking about someone who did whatever she could to push another woman, a deeply troubled woman, into suicide so that she (my mother) could "get" this woman's husband (they were our next door neighbors, by the way) and divorce my father. My mother also, when this second husband of hers died, grabbed up ALL of his money and all else and left his 7 adult children with zero. This was on top of their having to live with their own mother's tragedy. Yeah - this is my MOTHER I'm talking about, not some character in a film. There are times when the fact that I'm simply biologically associated with her causes me deep shame - I know it makes no sense because it's certainly something I can't help, but still. And when it comes to my "relationship" with her, she has zero respect, zero boundaries, at times zero civility. One example of hundreds: she likes shopping at second-hand shops, etc., not so much out of need as out of I'm not sure what. Anyway, she's free to do as she likes and I have no opinion of it but had asked her, for reasons of my own, not to give me anything she picks up from these shopping excursions. Well, one would think I was asking her to please go and cut someone's tongue out for me; she continued to blatantly ignore my requests, go out and get used clothes, etc for me, browbeat me and cry when I politely tried to decline, and even drunkenly berate me over it last Thanksgiving (I'm 44, by the way; her "mean drunk" behavior has also been a constant in my dealings with her since, well, my early childhood.) Finally, on Christmas, she gave me a set of used throw pillows which I nearly threw out as I've thrown out the other things, but decided to keep at the least minute out of guilt. Yeah. Turned out they were infested with bedbugs and ended up causing me a huge, huge problem. Nice, right? So typical. She swore up and down, too, that she'd help pay for the cleanup and of course, I have yet to see a dime. All this is on top of "the usual" - telling me regularly how hurtful I am to everyone in the family, reminding me of how "stupid" it is for me to pursue a writing career, defending the behaviors of those who have also treated me pretty poorly through the years and so on. My god, there was a time when I had a massive blood infection and she refused to drive me to the doctor; I was semi-delirious and she claimed I was being "abusive" to her. There are times when I honestly, honestly pity her; she came from a severely dysfunctional family herself; she was - ironically - "ripped off" by her own mother's second husband much as she ended up ripping off her second husband's kids; she is a lonely, angry and increasingly isolated person who still, at 72, has no idea what it means to compromise, cooperate, set or respect boundaries or even express herself neutrally. There are some things about her I do like - she introduced me to the arts at an early age, which I have always appreciated; she is kind to animals. I try to focus on those "plusses" whenever possible but it's so easy to drop them when I'm getting attacked, criticized, etc. All in all, in my life she has the kind of status I'd assign to a coworker I found moderately interesting but someone I'd not want to spend more than once a month or less chatting with, that kind of thing. Someone I wouldn't much miss when we parted ways. I've searched my soul on this and can't know if I will always feel this way; but I strive to give myself permission to feel however I need to feel because, basically, I am allowed. Peace to all who have felt this hurt at any time; thanks for letting me know I am not alone in this, either.



travelgurl
1652 days ago
Your lucky your mom is at least nice to animals...mine is not. My mom used to do the same things to me, (that I was the bad guy to everyone and stick up for the people whom have treated me poorly ). My mom also killed my dad by bullying him my whole life and one day he had a massive stroke. It was sad. She once picked a fight with me when I had just broken my arm and got home from the hospital (have you ever tried and argued with someone while you had a broken bone?) I'll never forget it. Our moms have a lot in common and are both manipulative very much. My mom is 73 and has absolutely no clue how to be. Sorry to hear of your experiences. Thanks for sharing. I'm getting closer and closer to leaving her for good! It's too painful and not good for me.....May the second half of your life you live in peace! I'll say a prayer for you..



stayhealthy
1691 days ago
I also found this thread by googling "I hate my mother." I NEVER join message boards but whenever I find an issue interfering w/my life, I often find myself pouring through msg boards as I personally feel that reading through the experiences of real people trying to work stuff out is more helpful than any academic article I can find.

I joined this board after reading the posts here. I also have grappled with the guilt that accompanies feelings of hatred for your mother, always feeling like a monster for feeling this way. It's not something you can readily share w/friends who haven't shared your lifetime of pain at the hands of unfit parents.

I share many commonalities w/people who have written above. My mom, now 61, had gone through some tough years caring for her sick mom the last few years of her life. After Gramma died, my mom's father, who had been trying for years, convinced my mom to move the 3K miles across country to live with him. As she struggled w/her new life there and an emotionally unavailable father, i (living thousands of miles away) told her my door was always open.

My greatest fears were realized when she took advantage of my offer to come move in with me. I felt that although she was a horrible mom, and i had gone through therapy for years coming to terms w/my childhood, that it was my moral obligation to get her on her feet.

NOt crazy about the idea, i went through with it, thinking come what may, we'd deal with it, because we had to make it work.

I am a healthy independent single 38 y/o who has worked very very hard to get where I am and to live the way I want to live. It wasn't till she arrived here that I realized why I had worked so hard to get away from my roots. I dealt with it in various ways: at first i got a bf who partied a lot and would spend weekends w/him so i didn't have to be home with her. Then when i realized that wasn't the healthiest approach, i broke it off and tried to get her to apply herself.

Then I saw how out of touch with reality she was. All the monsters from my childhood that I had worked through in therapy came back - stronger than ever! This helpless sweet on the surface 61 y/o turned into the blackest demon painting my life bleak bleak bleak. I couldn't fight off the nightmares and shitty sleep that would grip me in the mornings w/misery. just started reliving everything. The boyfriends I had to accept who were alcoholics sleeping naked in the open, the ways i begged her to leave them, the ways i tried to reach her to do better for herself (as early as 7 y/o), the drugs she did in front of me and my half-sister, the code we had where we'd have to stay in the shitty tenement apartment for entire weekends while she and her abusive motorcylce gang husband went on 72 benders, where we couldn't answer the door or the phone or have anything to eat cause there wasn't anything, where we had to call them at bars begging them to come home so we could eat, where the husband came home and beat us with 2 x 4s for calling them at the bars, where my sister was sexually molested and became a run-away and ended up being murdered when she was 17 and I was 15. Should i go on?

Now that this has all come to the surface, thanks to my mom moving in w/me and living off me for the last 6 mos, i know now that no matter how much therapy i go through, i will never be able to forgive her for the choices she made/didn't make and the abandonment, all indirectly led to the murder of my sister .. and i blame her.

Her becoming dependent upon me once again has turned me into the 12 y/o i was who had to take care of her. Then i saw how pathetic she is now. So i battled w/an obligation to help her vs. wanting to ship her back up north on the first plane i could. my friend got her a temp job - she got fired. I have no idea how she made it as far as she has in life. then she started boozing and staying up all night and going into a funk, as she had never been fired. she had cost me thousands of dollars and i overcome with the fact that now that she won't have any more paychecks coming in, i would once again have to start digging into the progress i had made paying back debts she'd cost me.

she is not going to get another job. i saw just how disillusioned and incompetent she really is. not in this economy and esp not in the state i live in, which is one of the hardest hit by the recession.

a couple weeks ago, it all just came out. thank god for friends! i ended up drunk one night in a diner w/a friend who i saw as my captive audience so i just let it all out - scared to death he'd see me as a monster for feeling like this about my mom. i was delighted when i saw how horrified he had become when i gave him a cliffs notes version of my past. he tried to help me logically figure out how i could set boundaries and get her out; although it's pretty hard to turn to the streets a helpless 61 y/o w/out a penny to her name.

i contacted my uncle who didn't want her to leave her home up north and insisted she should stay w/him and his wife. all the offers they had made of taking her in were met with: ah well she says she hates it here, i just don't know if she'd be happy here. this from the penny-pinching wife (they are wealthy). finally getting my uncle alone - he did say she was always welcome there.

then they stopped calling! and i couldn't get my uncle alone as now that penny-pincher is onto it, she's a tough screener to get through so i can speak to my uncle. and she used to call every day to talk to ma, she's only called once this week and then called at an off time, leaving a msg saying she's been busy - talk to you soon.

but then a great thing happened. after seeing my ma acting all traumatized and generally more out of it than usual, i asked her why so edgy last night. she admitted to being unhappy, and feeling like she'll never get a job here. she said she'd give herself till april 1st and then if no job, she'd take my uncle's longstanding offer and move in with him!@!!!

i tried not to gloat. i told her i'd pay for EVERYTHING. she answered that no she wanted me to keep her stuff (translation: all the JUNK she's shuffled around the country, every frigging junky knickknack that brings back memories of my childhood that leaves me wanting to curl up in a fetal position..every day i see all her junk cluttering up the place is a painful reminder)..i told her that once she got on her feet there i would ship everything out to her. the truth is, if she doesn't let me ship it to her i will have to choice but to get it out of my sight. but we will deal with that one when the time comes....

so i see the light at the end of the tunnel and i embrace the life of independence that is coming. i will kiss the ground that she doesn't walk on once she leaves. in the past i had had a difficult time being away from family on holidays. however, this has been such a reinforcing experience that when the next holiday rolls around and i don't have her here, i will REVEL in any lonliness i feel. if i dont' have friends around - i will dance a happy jig still to myself and to my having finally dodged the black shadow that she represents!

i typed this up to purge. there were plenty more details i could have gotten out on how dark my childhood was but .. we get the point. if i can help ANYONE struggling with similar emotions, my work is done here (*she's on the phone with Uncle now - who called - yippie!).



steeletara01
1670 days ago
I hate my mother too. I don't know what to do. I'm 34 and she is ruining my relationship with someone who I've been dating for 7 years. I tried living with him, but my mother is catholic and doesn't respect anyone who lives with someone before marriage so I went through hell and guilt from here when I was doing that. So I moved back into my parents' home and my boyfriend lives across the state and I rarely see him now. My parents hate visitors, and have no real friends so whenever he wants to come here for Christmas I have to just tell them at the last minute because otherwise they would show severe anxiety for weeks and try to find a way to stop him from coming. They show this inside their own doors, and out to the world in public they are warm and friendly, albeit reserved. They always back off from any friendships before they get too close. Really I am at my witts end here trying to work from home as a freelancer and deal with these pressures. My boyfriend on the other hand is not catholic and doesn't have these hangups so most of the time I don't talk about my troubles with him. Can't move out on my own right now because I am just out of grad school and trying to save up some money. Really don't know how to cope, especially around the holidays. Anyway, that's my 2 cents. It happens, and we just can't let it start to destroy us because we deserve happiness too. And if a parent is not willing to listen or cooperate with their adult child, then sadly we must just let it go I guess.



shmoozer286
1668 days ago
I found this thread by typing "I hate my mother" as well lol. I'm a 24 year old who has never really lived life because of my mother's narcissistic behavior and her constant sabotaging.

I grew up with an alcoholic father and a critical, verbally abusive, selfish, manipulative, hypocritical, and later also alcoholic mother who payed no attention to me. They both went through some traumas in their lives that I don't fully know about which neither ever dealt with and so the cycle went on.

Eventually my parents split up because my mother couldn't deal with my father and we moved away. Eventually my father committed suicide. So I was stuck with my mother (though at several points she threatened to ship me off to family members and even boot camp for BAD GRADES.)

Growing up I was a latch key kid because my mother couldn't bother to get a sitter or find something for me to do during the day. She told me not to open the door for anyone or and answer the phone. So I grew up pretty isolated from the world and became okay with it. I took comfort in watching TV, video games, playing with legos, or talking to myself lol. Sometimes neighbor friends would stop by but I never left the house much at all.

She started dating because she "had a right to remake her life" which was fine except I hated the guys she would bring home always kissing on her in front of me and her going to bed with them with me in the next room. She just thought I was being jealous, and in a way I was because she would utterly ignore me for her boyfriends. Eventually she met a guy I hated that she stuck with for 3 years that beat both of us at different points, everyone who came in contact with the guy hated him. Eventually she grew cold toward him so he started cheating and eventually left her and she became depressed over that sack of crap.

Eventually I turned 13 and at that point she thought I was old enough to fend for myself so she stopped cooking, grocery shopping regularly, buying me clothing, etc. Many days did I go hungry and wore the same rags to school because I hated my clothes. It go to the point where I became anemic and it took a family friend who is like my second (better) mother to nurse me back to health. Once I got a flu that lasted for weeks and she refused to take me to the doctor and just gave me cough/cold crap and told me to drink water as I coughed throughout the night. Turned out I had bronchitis which my grandmother cured when I visited her and she took me to the doctor.

Growing up I had a lot of emotional problems because of the traumas I endured and because of my mother's constant criticism and belittling and her cold demeanor toward me( unless she was drunk cause then she wanted to be my best friend lol.) I felt like nothing I did was ever good enough and she never listened to me or was supportive of anything I did. When things were bad she verbally abused me and didn't know how to with me. She thought by yelling at me the problems would become magically fixed. She made me have very low self esteem to the point where I was a pushover; did horrible in school; didn't have many friends because I always though I wasn't good enough for them; and never found love. I ended up growing up afraid of the world and facing new challenges to the point that I developed an emotional failure to launch. I hated my mother but I could not get out of her shadow. And whenever I tried to take one step forward in my development she was always ready to crush me down again putting doubts in my mind.

Eventually I got over her constant criticism telling myself that it doesn't matter what she thinks and I needed to be successful for me and no one else. I told myself that I was meant for better things than what my mother would have me believe. And I also eventually grew a backbone and learned to stand up to her and all those who pushed me around, which actually made her more docile. Now I don't take crap from her or anyone lol. I learned to distance myself from her because all people like her do is damage others.

I started college while living at home which she offered to take care of me while doing so. I hadn't made up my mind about schools or a major so I kept shuffling around spending money in different places. And she never supported any of my endeavors. Eventually I made up my mind about doing a BA at community college and then a 4 year school which she says is a terrible idea because to her it doesn't pay (she says that about every career except law and medicine.) But I am content with that choice.

My father comes from wealthy stock so there was talk of an inheritance which since my father passed would go to the next of kin (me) and all along my mother was complaining that she was the wife and it should go to her. The court gave me $3,000 to buy a computer before the money was settled and my mother bought me a crappy used computer and spent the rest on herself. Eventually I got the money entitled to me and bought me a car (she made me buy a lemon) so I wouldn't have to take the bus everywhere anymore; a computer; and new bedroom furniture to replace the furniture I had since childhood otherwise I wouldn't have any of those things. Then she promptly took a large chunk of the money from my bank account without asking (it was also in her name) and used it to make stupid investments. She decided to invest on a fixer upper house right before the housing market crash. She then decided to start a lending thousands of dollars to people who later didn't pay her back. She would constantly with me up up for money and would tell me that the people would pay back plus interest in X amount of time. Well the recession hit and she wasn't working so those that were supposed to be paying up weren't doing so and those who were ended up giving my mother money to pay her debts and I never saw a penny when I needed money for my college courses, a $500+ phone bill that she stuck me with, etc.

Now in the present I have no money to keep going with college, I can't find a job in this economy, she's using my car to get around because her's is in the mechanic. I feel so stuck because of her constant sabotages.

All I wanna do at this point is get a job at a temp agency or something, pay off my debts, round up a few thousand dollars and move to the other side of the country cause I can't do this anymore. If I don't leave I will never be happy or fulfilled. I've always dreamed of going off to California. Here's to dreams, may we always fight for them and never let anyone bring us down.



Edahn
1668 days ago
This thread has gotten pretty high up on google.

Since this thread is so old, the Answers don't really reply here anymore. If you just want to add your thoughts, feel free. But if you would like advice on your situation, you may want to start a new thread/question. You can click "Submit a Question" at the top to do that.

Good luck to all of you.

~Edahn



travelgurl
1652 days ago
I think your mother is my mother's twin sister! No forreal! She acts just like your mother but I am so over it and their are absolutely no guilt feelings and she's negligently dangerous. I hate her and she deserves it and I'm done! She killed my dad by being such a bully.....he had a massive stroke (she should be in jail) They need to put bullies in jail simple as that!...that was the last straw! ! Good luck for you! And I feel your pain to the deepest level...reply to me if you ever need to talk.



loser
1647 days ago
frecles123 that is the most sad story i have ever heard im sorry your mother is like that the only thing you can do is pray and remember god loves you and we all care even though we dont know you and i think you should sit her down and tell her dont say any thing until your done just give you a chance and tell her that it hurts you and if that doesnt work show her what everyone says about her and say something that makes someone sad like if this doesnt mean any thing then i give up and walk away.



shaianne
1639 days ago
my mother has blood pressure and uses it as her excuse for being physically and verbally abusive. she enforces her opinions on me! she forced me to choose a major in engineering, and only after 2 semesters of my failing courses, did she let me switch to journalism. she always insults me and swears at me. she twists stories to my aunts, dad and grandparents to make me sound like the bad guy. she takes whatever i tell her (e.g. i want to get married someday...) and throws it in my face (which fool would marry a loser who couldn't cope through engineering?). she barely has any friends, doesn't take care of herself and then complains about her weight gain, and is obsessed with education. she once beat me while i was on the second day that i was recovering from a stomach flu. coz i told her to leave me alone when she asked y im not studying for a biology midterm i had the next day. she once poured chocolate milk all over me. and her morals suck. she's racist and once she yelled at my little bro, and i overheard her saying "did ur stupid older sister hurt ur feelings darling?" when i had nothing to do with it! she somehow manages to blame EVERYTHING that goes wrong on me. she wasn't loving to me when i was a kid. she admitted that when i was a baby, she worked double shifts as a chemical engineer and used to leave me with a maid. she's WACKO. im 20 years old and just want out!! i wish i could move out but my father wouldn't hear of it.



shaianne
1639 days ago
and once she admitted that she is the cold childish way she is because of her parents. her father wasn't good-looking but very intelligent and wealthy. her mother was the most beautiful woman in the whole town and all the men fell at her feet. when my grandma had my mom, and my mom looked just like my grandpa, my grandma didn't love her very much because of her looks (i KNOW, pathetic! cruel! superficial!) but doted on my mom's siblings who were better-looking. and my grandpa was always too busy working to do any parenting. and if they weren't being parents to mom's other siblings, they were constantly socializing, traveling and shopping. so mom was unloved. and now she doesn't love me. she always laments that she had me too soon (she was 23 years old or so) and sometimes says she wishes i was never born. sometimes she even prays out loud for God to kill me. and honestly, everyone, i was a good kid who always stayed out of trouble. i never did drugs, smoked, dated any "bad" guys, dressed sluttily, or did anything stupid. she FLIPS when i ask her to stop nagging at me. she hates that im sloppy and my room isn't stepford-wife standard. for spending too long on the computer. for stupid things like that. i just want to vanish.



Nomoretogive
1630 days ago
I think of my mother this way: caring for her is like hugging a rattle snake. There isnt a way to do that without getting poisoned in the process. Onetwoshoes, does your father know that no money is being spent on you? He may not know so save your reciepts to show him. If they have the agreement the money is to be spent on all your neccessities, she is not holding up her end of the contract and that is illegal. Just ask you dad what the agreement is. Dogsatpoker - you are as the best out there in the world! Get out and prove it!



mbel001
1615 days ago
I hate my mother .. every part of her being, her existennce.. I honestly wish she would die.. I would not attend her funeral or shed two tears. She has caused nothing but heartache to my entire family. When I was a child, my father told me he came home and my mom had beaten me black and blue with a hanger when I was two years old. My mother never showed me love. She would call me a b****, w****, s***, whatever she could think of. She is uneducated, didn't graduate high school yet has no desire to better her life at all. She is a drunk and has caused many instances where she put my father's life at risk; one incident when I was 15, she got drunk threw a hunting knife across the room at him, fortunately the butt end of the knife hit him and he blocked it while still causing a huge black and blue bruise on his arm from the impact. She went to jail and had to get help for alcohol abuse.

We moved, she was okay for awhile... she started having hallucinations that my dad was cheating on her.. she would camp out by his boat (he was military) spying on him... this cost her about 3 jobs. i went out on limbs with my employers and got her jobs, she would go into work drunk or hungover, making me look extremely bad. She got my dad to buy a piece of **** house where we live because she thought he was gonna leave her.

2006 was my hardest year. i was a senior and i lived out of school district, My mom took a baseball bat to my car while she was drunk and me and her got into an altercation, we both went to jail. She was sour at me for the circumstances and then put me jail for petty larceny for wearing a pair of her jeans when we always wore each others clothes in the first place. I missed alot of school and almost didn't graduate, the only reason I did is because all my teachers felt bad for me. i didn't get to attend my prom or my graduation cause i lost my job because I didn't have a vehicle. During her episodes, she would make my brother walk home from school, we lived about 5 miles away. She also made him walk home from work, where he was held at gunpoint and almost cost him his life.

The next year her schizophrenia actually set in.. she wouldn't leave the house and she went through all kinda of crazy sh**. She thought the FBI and CIA were out to get her and that people were putting substances underneath her car, she took bleach and used so much of it that she suffered from 3rd degree burns. She went off the deep end. She left one day without telling anyone and started driving all over the US.. she ditched her car in NC and hitched rides with people.. then she cried and made my dad drive 15 hours to go and get her because she would say she was at one place and then hitch a ride to another state.. When they got home my dad put her in a pyschiatric center. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, anxiety, and depression. She played her cards right and acted like nothing was wrong and got out. During all this, my dad suffered two heart attacks. She got out and got drunk and attacked my father by smashing a liquor bottle over his head when he was leaving for work. i called the cops and had her arrested and taken to the pyschiatric center. After court she moved with her mom.

Now she is back living in my father's house.. he doesn't live here because his work is elsewhere and he is usually out of the country. He pays for everything. The mortgage, power, gas, cable, water, her cell phone, car note, insurance, and still gives her a 1000 dollars a month. And the worst part is that she can't even make that stretch the whole month because she smokes about 8 cartons of cigarettes a month and drinks alcohol every night. She then criticises me and my boyfriend for having money for steak and crab legs, because she "can't afford them." I wish she would die or leave, let my dad live his life and stop leeching off him. it makes me f***ing sick. And to top all this off.. my boyfriend and I moved here to save money cause we have a lil man on the way in october and she has no respect for our privacy or the fact i'm pregnant.. i feel so trapped but I try to let the stress not get to me cause I want to have a health babyboy but it's very very very hard. i have so much resentment, hate, and disrespect for the woman who gave birth to me. She should have never been allowed to have children, because i have grown up with nothing but pain in my heart for me and my family.



Life2Live
1351 days ago
For the health of your child and yours please get away from her, money is not important right now, there are other ways to save, but please get yourslf out of there!



Kadi
1612 days ago
I'm 19 years old and I've just realized how much I hate my mother. She's just so manipulative and everything I say she twists into me being ungrateful. She throws stuff that I've done or said in the past in my face and guilt trips me every single day. And I'm always terrified when she comes home because I never know what kind of mood she's going to be in. And all of this has caused me to become so depressed. She asks me to tell her what is wrong with me but everytime I do she tells me that my feelings are stupid and unprecidented. I just don't know what to do. Everytime I feel like I'm happy she'll remind me of everything I've done wrong and I sink right back into depression. I'm just so lost right now.



Leestro
1598 days ago
Please check out www.DaughtersOfNarcissisticMothers.com. There are many, MANY good tips there for dealing with nightmare crazymakers. They WON'T change. They WILL ruin or seriously derail your life.

Sorry for the guys, there is no SonsOfNarcissisticMothers.com. But..

"I read somewhere when a son is confronted with a possessive mother, he has 2 choices... " to run away or to laugh it off"

That pretty much nails it. Otherwise, they will guilt-trip, sabotage & set you up until you have nothing...nothing but them, of course. My brother actually ran away to Japan to get away from her.



drp
1347 days ago
Actually, there is a third choice - to consider the source. If the comments and abuse are coming from people who have issues with themselves, they have very little to do with you, so just keep that in mind and focus on *youself* - make yourself into what you know you are capable of being and want to be (and find other people to help you). I also think that people in this situation need to get someone who sees them for what and who they are and can be and keep them close. A friend, a mentor, a teacher or pastor - someone. You need to keep grounded. Getting away is fine, but unfortunately you carry these attitudes and 'your mother' with you so physically leaving does not always solve the problem. You need to re-learn your attitudes toward yourself, and constantly remind yourself of who you really are, and what you are capable of.



Leestro
1598 days ago
Also, for those under 18, BE AWARE IF THEY TRY TO TAKE YOU TO A SHRINK. Then it'll be YOU versus HER AND THE SHRINK, who is going to do what's in HER best interest, not yours. Mine had me put on psychoactive drugs when my brain was still developing at 15..when it wasn't ME that was the problem, it was her behavior, neglect, physical/mental/sexual abuse, constant doubting, refusal to cooperate with my dad who had tried & tried to get me away from my mom's fucked up side of the family..all for her own selfishness. I even told her that my cousin was molesting me & I did not want to be around him.."tough, he's your cousin". I thought parents were supposed to protect their kids. So, yeah, I kinda fucking hate her, and all her boohooing and constant guilt-tripping and passive-aggressive shit. She ALWAYS has some bad news to tell ya. ALWAYS tucked away in most of what she says, you'll find the words "you can't". They are never wrong. They will never admit doing wrong. Don't even try it. If you've read People Of The Lie, the worst cases are in there...but there are the parents that don't SEEM so bad, but they are, because it's all about pretense, about LOOKING like they're doing what's best for the kid, not DOING what's best for the kid. I used to resent my dad, until I stumbled across an old file of a court case he was building to get custody of me. He showed me the documents for all the times he paid child support, when she claims he never did. To lie in such ways to a child, is disgraceful. Everytime I'd go visit him in the summer, the gloom & doom phone calls would come in. If I had a pet - every time, some mysterious accident would befall it while I was at my dad's. I have not had a dog since. Just warning younger people, watch out for these things. There are some really crap dads out there, for sure..but in many cases, it was our moms that drove them off.



jynxy
1593 days ago
wow i typed i hate my mother and everything on here is the same exact thing going on with mie. she's selfish and rude and just plain evil. she's vendictive and i cant be arund her for more thn 10 seconds without feeling like i dont matter. she belittle everyone around her and it makes me sick. it sucks being a teen stuck in the house with an adult who acts like a spoiled brat.

im just happy to finally now there are others out there who have this problem. im so happy to know im not alone in this



lala77
1587 days ago
i cannot believe i'm going to say this. i truly do not love my mother anymore. i feel absolutely terrible and horrible for feeling this way and admitting it. especially since i've become just as bad as she is. i don't have kids and probably never will because i'm so very afraid to repeat my mother's behavior. i feel like i just can't stop being horrible to her. i bully her, i'm mean to her, i yell at her and tell her she sucks and what bad person and parent she is. it really freaks me out and i feel an overwhelming insane amount of guilt at my behavior. it's unforgivable. my mother loves her children to the best of her ability, she truly does. she is deluded and has a completely warped sense of reality and i know she tried her best to raise me and my sisters but in the blink of an eye she would turn into a rotten black hearted monster and say the most hurtful and terrible things to us, chase us around the house screaming and yelling through her teeth like a f*cking monster - and then 5 minutes after she'd calmed down she'd act like nothing happened and apologize like 'i'm so sorry i was mean' - and we'd have to snap back and be ok about it. i don't think she can help it - her mood swings are out of control - i've tried for years to get her to get some help - some counseling - i'm a recovering alcoholic with severe OCD and i have to see a therapist myself so i don't think i have much room to talk telling her to get some help. but i truly did want her to get better - to calm the mood swings down at least. my mother is so unpredictable - she is nice and kind and loves you when that's what she's feeling - but if she feels left out and fearful about whatever she lashes out in the most cutting and hurtful ways - and after i grew up, still puting up with her craziness and trying to talk things out with her countless times, it's like one day i woke up and started to bully back - i became the bully - i am so mean to her and i absolutely hate myself for it - i'm afraid that i do this almost uncontrollably because i know someone has to be the bully in any relationship my mother has with her kids - if it's not me then it's her and i guess i do it as a defense mechanism. thanks for letting me vent - i feel absolutely nuts about this - it helps to know others out there feel the same way as myself - although i do feel bad that my mom's not nearly as terrible as she could be - it's just the split personality she has makes me suspect that whatever love/kindness she shows at the time isn't real, it's just temporary, it isn't constant or dependable or unconditional. i hate myself for saying everything i've said. but i had to say it.



allalone
1582 days ago
hello everyone..im amazed at how many people actually goes through what i go through with my mother. i sat here staring at my computer for who knows how long just thinking about why my mother is angry with me. one day shes as nice as could be then the next she this mean angry out of control human bein that will find anything to be angry about and usually its with me or my brother. all my life for as long as i can remember she has allays yelled at us hit us, made our father leave us at the age of ten. shes left us alone at home many times to go out with her boyfriends. as a teenager i was always on my own because she was hardly ever there to talk to me about girl things. she would only yell at me and tell me not to get pregnant. but i can say that was one thing i did take with me, cause i wanted to prove to her that i was better than that and not a whore.

i am now 32 and i say shes gotten worse. throughout my life ive always helped her when she needed help because shes my mom. and i always felt that i gotta do this because im her daughter. but then she would always throw in my face that i or my brother dont do anything for her. when she left her second husband countless of times she stayed with me. when she broke her leg i took care of her. when she broke her foot she lived with me for 6 months (and it was hell for those months). when she needed food id do some shopping for her, id give her money. i'd do everything in my power to be there for her....and all i ever get is that im useless,call me names, insult my husband tellme im not a good mother, im not raising then to her standards lol. she wont speak to me for days then call my house as if nothing was wrong. she treats my children like they are her world, and thats probaly the only reason why i try so much, so she can be here for my children. i dont want to deprive them of there grandmom (and they love her soo much). i wish she had given me this attention when i was kid, she stares at them with love in her eyes, and stares at me as if i were a disapiontment. it hurts my feelings so much. i dont know what to do anymore.

so now shes angry again, angry at the world, angry that she has the life that she has and blames me and my brother for her misery, blames us for bein born cause we ruined her life. i dont know if she does love me and afraid to show it or if she really cant stand me and im living in denial. how long can i posibly take this. i cry everytime to my husband and he just wants to give her a piece of his mind but that cant happen he;ll never win. ive tried talkin to her about how i feel but she turns everything around like shes the victem. its a terrible feeling when your mother resents you.

my family is the only thing keeping me strong. without there love i dont know what i would do



blue42
1580 days ago
I am 2 years old and have always thought that i should go to therapy then talk myself out of it..but i know i need to talk to someone..so here i am. My mother is a miserable woman with not one friend. She is rude, uneducated, abrasive,dehumanizing, rage filled bitch! Thats sounds horrible but it feels good to get it off my chest. She used to beat me as early as i can remember and today se hit my daughter. She was proud to tell me that my daughter was disrespectful and she slapped her in the face. I defended my daughter and said that I don;t mind an occasional spanking but not in the face. She told me that she will continue to hit her in the face if I dont discipline my daughter. who the hell does she think she is/ I have such rage for this woman. Today I wished her dead. I am tired of making excuses for her and trying to be a good daughter to her. she does not care about what anyone thinks. i was terrified of standing up to her when i was younger. she would constantly tell me that i would end up a pregnant loser like all the girls from my neighbor. who says that to a child. she would rub dog food in my face. beat with the everything from newspapers to curtain rods..i never raised a hand to her and regretted that everyday of my life ..secretly of course..b/c who hits their mom. my struggle is why do i feel sorry for this woman. how can i have a good heart if i wish her death. i am the closest thing to a friend that she has. she is a paranoid lunatic and finds fault in everyone. i have always said you cant pet a shark..i read in one of these post of the comparison of their mother to a hot stove..get close and get burned..i have tried for years to find a common ground with this woman but as much progress as i think i make..by ignoring..by making excuses for her behavior..by siding with her just to keep the peace..by laughing at her stupid disrespectful jokes..but what else can i do..i believe in god and i feel guilt for wishing her dead but i dream of the days when there is just peace amongst my family..and she is the only one who behaves like this. she doesn't know how to love./i cry for all of the posts here that are young men and women b/c I was in your shoes..the only thing i can tell you is to ignore them..until you can go off on your own..to college..to work..to live with roommates..dont take your own life..then it is true what the other writer respnded..they win! screw them they will be miserable in death also..I believe my mother is jealous of me to an extent..i felt great rage toward her today wanted to slap her myself..this anger scares me b/c it makes me feel like I am just like her..my daughter is only 4 and I am scared that my wishing my mother dead will manifest in hate in my life through some other way..like my daughter being hateful too..or god will punish me and take my aunt ( the good sister) instead. Why couldn't I have been born of the normal sister..the good one..the one that holds our family together..i read these post and see your mother's ages..for those of you who say that you moms are in their 70s and acting out..and i cringe..i dont know if i could take her for 20 more years. am i a horrible person. I am there for everyone i know..i try to be the crutch for anyone I meet..I am nuturing to my children..i tell them i love them and that they can be whatever they want to be in this life..i try to empower them..so am I a bad person b/c I just want the pain and screaming to go away. I have a younger brother who is 21 and loves her..am i wrong for wishing his mother away..i love him..am i selfish..i dont know where to channel this rage. i just want to slap her and i know the force would knock her down..due to years of restraint..where do i go from here..i googled I hate my mother too and i find comfort in all of you but I feel sorry for us all..why is that??



blue42
1580 days ago
i meant 42 years old in the previous post.



gwhat
1576 days ago
i didn't have time to read everyone's response, but i have (and have had all my life) a very emotionally abusive mother, and a slightly less emotionally abusive, yet completely uninterested and uncommunicative stepfather. I have to see her all of the time, even though i am an adult, because my grandparents live with me and i take care of them and she feels the need to stop over all of the time to bring them snacks (i know that sounds stupid). anyway, she has and has never had any interest in spending time with me (or really anyone for that matter). even when she claims to see my grandparents, it's not to visit with them, but just to give them things that she got at target and make a point of the fact that she spent money on something. i think she does this because she feels, not guilty but instead sort of like: because i'm taking care of my grandparents ( and she never would), that someone might think that i'm better or something (which is besides the point of why you would want to take care of someone to begin with), and therefore she needs to make a big production about buying small material objects and delivering them all the time. it also gives her an excuse to come over and tell me what i'm doing wrong that's bothering them (like, she'll walk into my house and say, oh you shouldn't leave this dish here or something because your grandmother might hurt herself on it, or you should....any ridiculous criticism you can think of) in addition to this i could go on and on for pages about what it's like to have a mother who obviously doesn't love or like me and has made me cry and feel badly about myself since i was a child. So, i relate to your situation and unlike other posts that i've read, i don't think that you should feel compelled to worry about hurting her feelings, or hold on to her because she's all you've got. That would just be feeding into the guilt that she loves to give you, and while it's a nice loving sentiment to think that deep down we can all forgive each other and be loving whole people, some people just will never reciprocate that and when it's someone like your mother, setting yourself up to get a reaction or reconciliation from or with her is just setting yourself up for more disappointment. i don't think you should necessarily isolate yourself from her or tell her off per say, but the best advise that i can give from my own experience ( that i mostly gained from having children of my own, and understanding how loving a parent can be) is to not expect your mother to treat you nicely, don't encourage hanging out with her for too long since it will eventually lead to her making you feel bad, and don't let her feel like she has any control over how you feel or what you do. be nice, polite, and learn how not to be manipulated by her and learn now to say no, or just to simply state to her something like, "that's mean, i don't like it when you say that and i'm not interested in talking to you anymore right now because i don't deserve to be talked to like that."

after a while of accepting that you don't have the kind of mother that is loving and treats you the way you want to be treated, you will start to feel better and her ability to make you cry will begin to wane. it's kind of like a bad relationship i guess, only you can not really break up with your mother completely for emotional abuse (maybe for physical). you just have to detach yourself, and not have anymore expectations of the relationship that never really existed. at least that's how i feel about myself.

did you ever read a book called "people of the lie?" that helped me a lot also.



Glorecia
1571 days ago
I also googled I hate my mother and found this. I've read the whole thing and can't help but be relieved that I'm not the only one.

I'm a 14 year old girl who, until recently, lived with both parents. And by parents, I mean biological, nothing else. I love my dad, and when I call him Dad I am proud. Her... I am ashamed to admit that some of my genes come from here. Before they got divorced, life was hell. My dad, my brother, and myself, we were all trying anything we could to just, for one night, escape all the fights, all the struggles, the battles! It took me a while to realize it, but when I was ten, I gave up. I prayed that I didn't care if went to hell when I died, just please let her die! Now I'm not Christian anymore, but the desire remains. I see her and I think that's it is so easy... the knife is right there! Her throat is so soft and simple to cut through, and I can't help it! She destroyed me. I was suicidal for at least 4 years before she left the house. Then everything was prefect. Suddenly, I didn't want to kill anyone. Suddenly, I didn't see myself jumping out in front of a car, and everything ending so easily. But now she's fighting for custody and has been for over a year, and I'm so scared now that these urges and coming back! Because she's not my mother, and I hate that bitch so much! She slapped me on the face then denied it or said I deserved it. Once, she gave me a concussion, then just dropped me off at my dad's like she didn't do anything wrong. I was too scared to say anything and just self-medicated.

Now I'm planning to escape when I'm 16- take the GED and go to college, any college, just so I won't have to see her! I'm not a genius or anything, and I know that it'll be almost impossible, but I have to! But I'm just so tired... I just want to give up and forget it all. I just want to curl up in bed and when I wake up, it's all over. Because none of my friends- no one knows whats going on. No one knows that I've dreamed twice that I killed her. They all talk about celebrities and such and teachers talk about, "Oh, that kid just lived through a divorce, go easy on him." I'm fighting a war to stay alive, every single day! Why can't I just rest?! Because the only reason I'm alive is that I live with my dad most of the time. But once again I have three options- kill her, kill myself, or run away. I don't want to run away, but the judge gives her custody... no. No, I can't live like that!

I know that I'm screwed up and have problems. I see one music video for Casey Novak (character on a TV show) and burst into tears, all the while only able to think, "What if..." What if she had been my mother? She wouldn't have hit me! She wouldn't have screamed at me for looking at her wrong or saying the wrong thing! It doesn't help that she had a miscarriage and MMS, either: I feel horrible, because it just feels likes my brother and sister died, and this is what replaces them?! I don't feel guilty that I want her dead, I feel guilty that I'm making my dad pay for his lawyer to fight to keep me, that I'm going to skip ahead to college so he'll be paying for me and my brother to go to school at the same time, that if it weren't for me, he wouldn't have to talk to that bitch ever again... I just don't know what to do anymore! If I ever fight back, she'll call the police for assault, if I don't show up for one of her damn 'visits', she calls the police for not following the mother of fuckin court order. She's gotten at least 5 now, dictating what schools I go to, what I bring with me when she forces me to come to her house, everything! I have 407 visits left until I turn 18, but I'm hoping to escape when I'm 16. Still, that's 208 visits... why can't she just die?! People die all the time! If she could trade places with one of them, a family could get their beloved daughter back, a husband could get his wife back, a little boy could his sister back... all I can say to that is 'Some that live deserve death, but others that die deserve life. Can you give it to them?'

It really helps to know I'm not the only person going through this, that people have made it out alive. Never give up hope.



rokefeller
1557 days ago
Wow, I hate my mother too. I know she loves me and only wants the best for me deep inside but I hate her. She has never had a job since she was 18, she raised 5 kids with the help of a nanny and she is still complaining about housework. I got into trouble when I was a little kid like 7 years old over some stupid shit. And for as long as I can remember she has always been putting me down. She is not strong enough to do what she wants so she is always complaining. ALWAYS. I am 23 years old now and there are 2 things that motivate me to get a job succeed and be independent getting my girlfriend back and not living with my parents. I see so many of my flaws come from her. The worst part is (anyone who has experienced this please tell me) that she can be swearing and yelling at me like a maniac one minute and someone will call her on the phone or she'll go talk to one of my sister's and completely shake it off while I am left feeling like shit for the rest of the day. I have fucked up a lot in the past especially with drugs. Instead of trying to help me and trying to understand why I did so many drugs in the first place they just kept on making me feel worse and worse till it got to the point where I was living in a halfway house and spent all my money on crack. I have learnt to understand that she is just plain crazy, negative, and depressed. And that she is not happier when I am gone, she is the same. Being raised with 4 sisters and my mother while my father was always away at work left me without any male role models and I became the black sheep of the family. Fucked them all no one in my family except my Dad has seriously tried to help me do the right thing and up until recently like a year or 2 ago I hated him as much as her. If you are an adult and hate your mother the best thing you can do is move away and be independent make your own money so you don't have to take their bullshit. I am 23 and I will make it, I will be successful, I have tried and tried to understand her and in doing that I have inherited a lot of her flaws but now I realize that she is just plain bitchy, compulsive, impulsive, deppressed, weak and ignorant. She can't hurt me anymore because I won't let her anything she yells at me now it goes in one ear and out the other. I know what I have to do to be successful if she would only respect that I really do want to do it for my self she would yell it at me like it was some sort of punishment to find work. But that is how I feel like she likes so much to tell me what I should do that even if I want to do it for myself I suddenly don't want to because she said I should. I am a good person inside and so is she but she but she just whines and bitches about something she's not happy with instead of doing something about it or changing herself in order to be happy. Women and men need stuff to do we need to keep busy or else we are too much inside our heads and thats not good.



colormekrayola
1539 days ago
Hello everyone,

I would first like to say that everyone here, in their own respects, is brave and resilient. To bear the hardships brought on by mothers, especially for so long, is an act both difficult and painful. The fact that many of you can experience such hardship and still survive is amazing. I take comfort in the fact that you do, and hope that I too can make it through this still standing.

I am an 18-year-old female and I do not only hate my mother, but I hate my entire family. Many would say that this is immoral of me, while still others would call me ungrateful or misled. I may be young, but I am certain of how I feel. In my early years, my mother was always my favored parent of the two. When I was about thirteen, ...I was sexually abused by my father. I was forbidden to tell my mother and pretended that I did not know such a thing was wrong. From then on, I picked fights with everyone - including my mother, who was not there to protect me. It worsened through my early teen years. At 17, I came to terms with myself and stopped acting like a child, at least - in my opinion. My mother was the one who changed this time. She argued with my father, my grandmother, and my aunt. Everyone began hating each other. No one even came to my high school graduation. I had a cotillion, where I was given all the things I wanted - a beautiful, expensive dress, an elegant cake...but I was told it was all for show. That we couldn't let anyone know of our family problems. My father got drunk that night, while my mother spent her time with my friends. I spent most of my birthday crying. Things worsened my first year of college. My aunt and grandmother moved away, being unable to handle my mother. So she bullied me. She constantly criticizes the way I look. If I am not a slut, I am a nun. If I am not anorexic, I am morbidly obese. My hair was always too long or too messy. My make up always wrong. I suffered great bouts of depression and several attempts at suicide. When I finally came around, I did so by excelling school. My freshman year in college has produced 4.0s all three semesters. But is that enough? No. To my mother, I am useless. I use school as an excuse for not having a job, not helping around the house, not being able to drive. How am I supposed to hold a job when I am balancing 7 college level classes and hours of community service? Why should I clean up after my family's mess when I am barely home and always keep my room and study area clean? How do I make an appointment at the DMV, when every moment I spend I am studying or helping make someone else's life a little less miserable? I admit. I cuss my mother out. I yell, "BITCH" at her with passion. But she always initiates the fights, the name-calling...everything. She thinks she can control me because I live under her household. Yet when I try to escape, I am forbidden to leave. I am always angry or depressed. Sometimes all I want to do is take my life. I contemplate it a lot, especially at night and have become an insomniac. My life is so messed up. If there is no one to believe in me, how do I learn to believe in myself? For now, school is all I have. That's something no one can take away from me. With the rest? I am terribly crippled and don't know which way to turn from here. I can only take comforts in my own success, and in all of yours. God help me...



oneredkelpie
1518 days ago
I was adopted at 10. My European parents were great until I became a teenager and wanted to have some independence and socialise with school friends. I always did what they wanted and obeyed their wishes until at 23 I rebelled (they were very difficult and strict but never physically abusive). I met a lovely guy and married at 24 (they hated him and wouldn't speak to him until he fathered grandchildren), have 2 beautiful children now aged 23 and 20 and we have a great relationship because I remember all the difficult times I had with my adoptive parents and my lines of communication are always open with them, this is how they have been bought up. We have been a strict but fair parents and I think they respect this. As grandparents, my adoptives were always the best until the grandchildren got to the age where their friends were more of a focus than family, normal behaviour for teens.

My adoptive mother is now 86 and still is the bane of my life, I look after her with a minimum of input because she has no one else but I dislike her as a person.

My dad died 4 years ago and he was the more easy going of the 2. (I now understand why he was a bit of a nasty person to her sometimes and I put it down to her influence) My hubby, children and I were at the hospital holding his hand while he died and mother was like "what about me, I can't cope" and it's been like that since he died. She is a very needy person, very self centred and I have had to take a step back and think of myself for a change. Having suffered with depression and needing to look after my own mental health for my own families sake, I really have to reassess how I react to her. This situation is also affecting my children's relationship with her as she tries to make them feel guilty often so I have to provide guidence to them in their dealings with her.

As a summary, I have to say, I have always felt a sense of duty to my adoptive parents but in the end it probably would have been healthier for me to cut off contact with them and concentrate on my own life - difficult to do when you have no other family or good friends for support but in hindsight I think this would have been the better way for me to go. It is very hard to make and accept this kind of decision but in the end, sometimes it is the best solution.

Sometimes, our parents have to learn to fit into our lives or be excluded. There are no laws that say we have to get on with our parents, sometimes, as hard as we try it just doesn't happen.

Think long and hard and in the end you need to decide what is best for you and yours. If you can develop good relationships with other family members and exclude others then so be it. Remember to not stress the small stuff and pick what is really worth battling over.

Life is too short for this kind of shit - and believe me, I have thought of ending my life but why should I let them win. I have my beautiful kids and maybe future grandchildren (grandies in OZ-Aust) to look forward to nuturing.

Live life and be kind to yourself and if you don't have positive and comforting things to say then get of the forum!



auralife
1512 days ago
Boy, do I know how you feel. My mother used to always use us for attention and pity from other people (ooh, I'm a single mother raising two children. It's so HARD waah, waah), but when they were out of sight, she was completely dismissive. If we disappeared, she honestly wouldn't have any idea where we went. We were free to do as we pleased. We used to get in a LOT of trouble with the cops, because, with no supervision, we used to break into abandoned buildings to explore to keep ourselves amused. But that isn't, by far, the worse things she ever did. But I won't go into detail. Let's just say.. I have a sick mother. She's friends with the people who try to molest us, and is even jealous of them. Sick fuck.

Anywho, my sister and I, we've learned to be independent. We don't rely on her any more. I, personally, don't love her. Forgive me, because my mental health isn't in a secure place, but sometimes, I would really just like to snuff her out with a pillow in her sleep. She acts so innocent around other people, yet, when someone confronts her about what a bad person she is, she immediately tells herself that they're lying. She's horrible...

Anyway, my point is, you're 38! Tell her to get screwed! She's your MOTHER? Please! Just because you pop out a baby, does not make you a mother, necessarily. You had a kid, so what? Being a mother means rising to the occassion... suddenly, one little life is just as important as your own. It's your job to protect it, nurture it, and most of all, make sure it doesn't turn into a little beast. A "mother" who does nothing but criticize and make a child feel insecure and inferior is no mother at all. Just a sad, sad person who is so insecure, they have to take it out on the person they're supposed to care for. I take it you have a family of your own? Do you really want that kind of influence around them? I sure wouldn't!



Kayla_Marie2005
1512 days ago
I have the same problem with my mother. She constantly belittles everything I do, she also has always had crazy mood swings and she goes out of her way to take it out on me and my brothers (and I dont even live at home anymore) she has even told us before that she does it so that It will make her feel better. She has had a physical fight with me outside of my house in the front lawn over a disagreement. I told her to leave and she came back and went to hit me, but I fell backward and almost knocked over my 2 year old daughter who was standing behind me. She has told me that I'm fat, worthless, bad parent, crazy, that I should be committed, lazy, that she doenst know how my husband can stand me or why hes with me because I'm a psycho. Believe me....I know what you mean



gwalthew
1495 days ago
My mother has never changed. She is the master of my universe. God in all senses of the word. She must be praised, worshiped. She must never be questioned, never threatened with new ideas. She is a forty something powerful, attractive former beauty queen. Fabulously wealthy. I am a pebble in her shoe. I am also her only hope. Having alienated all of her children, simply because of her bitter controlling obsessive bitchiness, the hate is mutual. I am her only daughter, and am now enslaved to a sick relationship where i have no choices in my life. I am beginning to realize i'm trapped. She threw my older brother out, literally she put everything he owned and dumped it on the sidewalk because she was convinced he was partying, doing drugs having sex. (He wasn't.) In fact he really is a good kid. My younger brother is more honest than i am and i'd say he has until about a year or two left before she can't stand him. Im 16, and i work for my mother. I hate it. She pays less than I should be making, i am criticized from what i wear to how much i weigh (she's extremely body obsessed, counts calories, works out obsessively despite being near frail,) Yet i can't quit. Im trapped. If I quit I'll be making nothing, and she'll throw me out to live with my wonderful and loving father whom she cheated on 4 years ago to have an affair with a wealthy doctor. who speaks to none of us. Ive seen a therapist, and im too much of a coward to just say what i feel and have always felt to her face. You have no one. You hate all of your children and the feeling is returned. Money is your only friend. Hope it keeps you warm at night. I cant because shes my only mother, and i think she considers me a friend. A friend to belittle and make feel worthless, but a friend. My best friends mother is dead. I too often wish mine was. So i also feel guilty. She ruined my families life. I have to get out. but im so scared. help me. i can't do this.



Glorecia
1492 days ago
@ Gwalthew: Yes, you CAN do this. You don't have to tell her your reasons why; it won't make any difference, she won't change or listen. You have to save yourself- you've given her alot of chances, and everytime, she's just thrown them back in your face. If you feel guilty about wishing she was dead, once you've gotten away for a couple of months, that feeling goes away. It did for me.

If she won't call the cops or something, try and save up some money and move out, get a real job, away from her. Regardless of what it seems like now, just getting away from her for even a short while can make a big difference. All you have to do is tell her you hate her, you're leaving, and to not come looking for you in the future. It IS possible to move on with your life, but not when you're still living with her. Look around for a cheap apartment, save up some money, then get out. Trust me, you can do it.



Chiryoosha
1469 days ago
Hey, I can understand your situation completely. I to suffer do to an overbearing and manipulative mother. I am just recently a legal adult and even now I can say that this situation is hard. I have to say my only conclusion is to just leave her life, and prove that she has no reality without you. Her daughter. Its how I plan to do this, it’s not running away, its being free to have your own life, where they cannot.



roxystarz
1464 days ago
@Gwalthew - Do it now, before you are 35, and trying to protect your unborn child from the toxic influence of your mother. I've been married for 14 years to a wonderful man. I've dealt with parental issues all my life. My brother almost died as an infant, so he has been coddled his entire existence, while I was left to fend for myself. Things got really bad after I found out I was pregnant. I had the nerve to expect my parents to put me at the head of the priority list for once, and not only did it NOT happen, but we are no longer on speaking terms. My mother constantly puts my brother's needs, and those of his unstable girlfriend, ahead of mine. My brother, by the way, is 31, a recovering alcoholic, a father, and PERFECTLY freaking capable of making it on his own, but why bother when mom and dad are supporting you, making sure you don't fail. He has been living under their roof, rent free for almost 2 years. They're paying his child support. That's perfectly acceptable to them, but me asking to not have to include this person he's dating at my baby shower is just too much to ask. It's not acceptable for her to have her feelings hurt in the slightest, but me sitting in a therapist's office, telling her about how I want to hurt myself so that the evil witch will just LISTEN to me, is acceptable collateral damage. the girlfriend is even worse than my brother. She is an adulteress. She cheated on her husband, and walked away from her 3 children, to be with my brother. She was still MARRIED while shacking up with my brother for 8 months, and yet _I'M_ the screwup. The bottom line is, get out, and get out NOW. Go live with your father. Go live with a friend. Go live with anyone aside from your mother, or she will suck the joy right out of your life. Living well is the best revenge. Go live, and let her and her wallow in misery. Maybe she'll realize what she's done to you, in time, maybe she won't, but it's not your responsibility to stick around and take her crap.



cealie
1461 days ago
I'm 53 years old and my mother is 89. I've detested her all my life. I just had a conversation with her where she repeated the same complaints and laments that she always does. But what sent me out of state at the age of 20 was the unrelenting screaming, accusations, insults, guilt trips, rages, throwing out my most cherished possessions, constantly telling me how worthless, stupid, empty headed, selfish, egotistical and cynical I was. I've been hearing about what an idiot I am since I can remember. My mom could scream for hours about what an idiot I am. I can remember my father defending me ONE TIME but he didn't want to get her started on him. I think he was relieved that I was the object of her rage. Anyway, I don't know what to tell you my dear, except to love yourself in spite of her and try to understand that she is a sick person. God can only help us with the damage they have done, damage that I'm still trying to undo. I probably should not have written this after talking to her because she can really suck the joy out of me. I was in a good mood before talking to her. Protect yourself most of all, she'll be all right in spite of any guilt trip she throws at you. If you're strong like I was when I left, she'll be telling you "I love you" every chance she gets. It was the first time she ever said that, and I was not impressed. It was too late. The bitch.



StuyJongKim
1460 days ago
I am a Christian, a believer of Jesus Christ, and he has brought immeasurable joy to my life. He is there for me, always, and more than brightens up the dark stains on my pysche that my mother leaves for me, unfailingly, everyday in my life.

My mother is a menally sick person with an anger problem. She used to love me very much until when I was about 7-8 years old, its hard to remember. She would beat me numerous times, severely, with a metal clothes hanger until I would admit that I either did wrong, or my father came in. I was showering one day when she barged in the bathroom and demanded if I had shampooed my hair. I replied that I had, and she smelled my hair. Decreeing that I hadn't, she proceeded to take a metal clotheshanger and beat as much life out of my naked body as she could. I was left in extreme pain, naked and bruised and sored in the bathroom.

She would take every advantage she could to do me or my father in, bugging me for any tidbit of information that I could supply for her malicius mind, than exploding into me when she found it. She once kicked my father in the chest so hard that he nearly died from the pressure and has had trouble breathing ever since.

She would not cook, clean the house, do the dishes, in short, she did NOTHING for the family, sitting there like a BITCH with no qualm of draining our familial deposits with a bellicosial tempre. Things came to a standstill, an ear-shattering climax, on one night when she took a hard green vial of green tea extract and threw it at my face, slamming it into my temple with such force that I nearly blacked out. My father threatened to call the police, and she seemed to cool down from then on.

She sprouted aagain once night, beating my brother and I up for forgotten reasons. A few minutes before I wrote this, my brother had come home with numerous scratch- marks on his hands. These were not serious, and my father dismissed them as minor injuries while playing outside. My brother is an eight-year old boy, and I am fourteen. My mother got angry that his hands were damaged (minimally) and started to yell at him, asking him who had done such a thing. He didn't know this, it was probably a minor scrape sustained from a fall. She, however, thought that he was lieing to cover up the responsible culprit and started to beat him. I was immediately moved to his defense, and came between them. I called her a crazy witch, which is taboo standards by Korean Culture, but I didn't give a SHIT, I was so angry for my little brother. She sttarted to beat me, then disowned me with an ear-splitting roar of hate. I started to cry, and the Holy Spirit of the Trinity comforted me. I quietly left the scene, and now am writing of this barely 15 minutes from when it happened.

She'd throw things around, breaking expensive glass and porcleain, however through all of this, Jesus Christ has not left me. He is still here for me, and for you, too! He has helped me through this dark time, and I am eternally grateful for his love.

I was very disturbed by accounts abovethat state that they were once a Christian, but turned away. Please, go back to Christ. He loves you and wants to take away your pain, but cannot do that unless your belief in him is reaffirmed for a stronger healing.

He is the solution. Please accept him. This is a message of Hope! This is a message of courage, and a beloved trumpeting of the righteous and unafraid.

Christ said, "For God so loved the world, that he sent his only son to die for them, that whoever believeth in him shall receive eternal life, and the kingdom." That son was the Christ, and he can cleanse your pain.

This is THE solution. All you have to do is believe in him, BELIEVE in his love and sacrifice for you when he died on the cross to pay for your sins. Believe that he loves you, and can take away your pain.

Christ said, "Ask and you shall find, knock and I shall open." So knock and find his love. Ask for his grace. And receive the holy power that can transcend even a mother's animosity into Christ's healing power.

I hope that you accept this message as a message of rejuvenation. God bless You.



Life2Live
1351 days ago
God bless you. I know God has great plans for your life, I am amazed at your courage (not trying to sound like a cliche). I am a Believer too, and I know the emotional pain you have suffered, please hang in there, God will bring you relife soon. I really pray you will be able to get away from her or the Lord will break her( not literaly, but if thas what it takes so be it, but you don't please take anything into your own hands, she is NOT worth it) in a way only God can. I will be praying for you.



daniella
1452 days ago
Hi everybody, I know how you feel and I share your emotional pain. I also dislike my mother. She drove my father to suicide, she tried to do the same with me, but I am strong minded and brave, so she didn't kill me, but it took a lot of courage and hurt to get a mind of my own. Now I have my own daughter,she is 8 month old and I am so happy that the Universe has given me a chance to be a good mother to my little girl. I will love her and respect her and guide her throughout her life. Good luck. Love. D.



persephone
1446 days ago
I definitely recognize many terms regarding my mother: warped sense of reality, manipulative, critical, berating, obsessive, controlling, no privacy. I remember her telling my sister and I (since we were in elementary school) how she "never wanted kids" and "I'm going to kill myself, then you'll all see". What is a kid supposed to say to that? She was obviously unhappy in her marriage and took it out on us. She often told us she got married because all her friends were getting married. He was always working nights and finding jobs out of state. Lucky him. She was allegedly very pretty in her youth so we had to live up to her standards. When I developed pimples in middle school instead of being supportive or finding a solutions to prevent them she told me to wear make up. When left the house without make up she said "Don't you feel sorry for the people who have to look at you?" like i wasn't embarrassed enough in middle school. If I wore my hair down she would comment "Don't you know you look better with your hair up?" we were not allowed to wear jeans (only "fast" girls wore jeans, boys will get the wrong idea.) She was obsessed with every fad diet and herbal remedy to stay thin, but never exercised and didn't cook.

Any ideas we had were too risky and shot down. Learning to drive, going to college, etc. I now see she lived in fear (of us leaving) and change was too upsetting to deal with even if it would be for the better. We learned early not to share details of our lives with her. Just give her the bear minimum she asked about, never bring up a topic or engage her in conversation. Whatever you would say would be wrong or a bad idea. Growing up we couldn't go anywhere because we could be "kidnapped, raped and murdered."

Maybe if she realized how fucked up she was in the head and tried to fix that instead of being so vain. After suffering through her menopausal mood swings, I moved out at 22. My friend helped me find an apartment, which like other apartments and eventually my house she couldn't be bothered to see before I signed papers. But there were guilt inducing phone calls from her regularly and desperately long messages wondering why I never answer!

Over the years she got meaner and more critical. She didn't take care of herself or the house (despite my pleading and offers of help) and when she finally went to the doctor...cancer. She moved in with me and didn't like my cooking or my car when I drove her to Dr. appts. or the laundry soap I used, etc. She brought her hoarding problem to my house and in a matter of weeks the guest room barely had a path from the door to her bed. When i wasn't taking her to treatment or working full time or being berated I had the super fun task of sorting through piles of junk in the house I had escaped from. Even sick she was still a control freak and fought me tooth and nail about throwing anything out.

Now I stand in that house and all I can think is this crap meant more to her than we did. I really hate her. She didn't care enough to get help. Now that she is gone, what have we really lost: she taught me to be a doormat, not speak my mind, stay paralyzed in fear, be ashamed of my body, and hope some man likes the way I berate him and makes me his wife.

It is a relief to read other experiences here. Thank you for sharing your alternative, bittersweet relationships. I was not finding any comfort in the grief journey crap or sympathy cards, not able to relate to those types of memories or feelings. I think I separated myself a while ago from her. Wish I could help each of you.

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. -Oscar Wilde



ladsfamily
1315 days ago
Whoa!! Persephone, Freckles, and others!! I am somewhere between saddened and overjoyed to read these posts!! Sad because our Moms were not as the TV versions, and overjoyed because I am not alone.

At this point in time, my Mom is 81 and dying from cancer. Like Persephone, what am I going to lose? The standard grief and sympathy wishes don't help me at all. "They" can't "get it".

To be fair, my Mom married and lost her first baby at age 19. That has to be hard. I try really hard to give her a "pass" on that. (It was totally the Doctors fault. In that day, you didn't question the Doctor). However...

I was constantly reminded I couldn't replace Dean. Who can compete with a ghost? She told as early as 7th grade that "my first baby would die". This became routine. When I got a performing arts scholarship to college (piano) she said "Go tell someone who cares". When I wanted to get another job in my 20's (I worked in a factory setting and was constantly molested - no sexual harrassment in those days - the 1970's) she told me I looked "too stupid" to get another job. When I finally married and did get pregnant (I had sworn to end my lineage) she told all my relatives to "not get me anything". She would not look at any baby clothes, told me not to decorate a nursery. She told me "why bother. You won't be bringing him home from the hospital anyway". Who says that to an 8-month-pregnant woman. I'm the only person I know who didn't get a baby shower.

Not just the baby business. Prior to marrying (at age 30) I tried to have a relationship with her. Took Mom out to eat. I was served Coke in a glass that was cracked and chipped!! Could have cut my lip, tongue, let alone harbor germs. Sent that glass back. Next glass of COKE had fresh lipstick-prints and MILK DROPS from the rim!!! I sent that back. Mom gets mad at ME saying she will leave right then if I don't "stop it"!!! WTF???!!! Stuff like that all the time. Just supposed to be a doormat and take whatever you get. Just like Persephone said.

I had a 4th grade piano performance on stage. When finished, all the parents in attendance clapped politely (as good parents do). Not my Mom. So, I obviously failed at performing. Off stage, I thought maybe I looked cute, at least. I asked "Does my hair look pretty". She shrugged and said "It's looked better". So, I can't perfom AND look like crap.

I went to therapy when I was pregnant. I did not want to be like my Mom. But guess what!! I did not EVER want to treat my child badly.

I'm 57 now, and pretty happy. I love my child and my husband. I have a decent job. I do not love my Mother. I feel obligations to her, but I do not love her.

So, to the young ones out here, hang on til you are out of the house. I don't know how, I don't care how, just hang on. After all the things I told my therapist, she was amazed I had not killed my own self. So, if I can hang on, so can you. Once you are out of the house, either have a distant relationship, or none at all. It's not your fault. They were the adult. They should have acted like one. So, hang on and don't create a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And, if you have to, walk away and don't look back. And don't feel guilty, either.

All the best to all of you.



yoyokimono
1434 days ago
I literally can't stand my mother and it's been getting worse since I graduated from college. I've always been a little on the heavy side, but her belittling comments about my weight is so harsh and painful that I can't stand being in the same room with her. She acts like I enjoyed being fat and that I don't know better. Everything she does make my blood boils, so prejudice toward her own daughter. And unlike my two sisters, I'm the object of her conversation. She thinks all I do is eat and eat and eat and nothing besides that. I'm a disappointment to her because of my weight and I just don't give a damn anymore, I've lost my respect for her. And that's just plain sad.

I know that I need to lose a couple of pounds, but just the sight of her and her nagging makes me sick. I don't understand why my mother can be so plain mean. During high school, I've had several mental breakdowns and went through depression because of her. I've become stronger only through the fact that I literally don't care about what she says anymore, at the stake of not having a relationship with her, at the stake of not getting into raging arguments with her about my weight. I try to avoid her and pay no attention to her even though we live in the same house.

Why is she like that? I've tried to talk to her reasonably to tell her to get off my back and let me deal with my weight problem by myself. And it'll be quiet for a couple of days before she makes a nasty comment about my weight again. Does she not understand what she doing is not helping, but rather physically and mentally damaging me and our relationship for life? I don't know what to do. It's hard because my cultural society put alot of emphasis on respect for one's parents. But I'm having a hard time having respect for my mother. And it's ruining/effecting my relationship with the whole family, because my father and sisters don't know who to side with.

I hope I made myself clear. I feel bad for feeling this way toward my mother, but I'm glad that others have similar experience. Thanks.

Fml she's talking about me right this minute. It's so frustrating.



drp
1347 days ago
These posts all have one thing in common - a mother who is lashing out at her child. I have know a lot of mothers and the unhappy ones do just that - I find that they have one thing in common: They are mothers and that is all. The women that have married for the sake of marraige and children and have never developed themselves, or accomplished anything on their own. They need to keep their children dependent on them so that they feel like they have a purpose (worth) in life. I was born to a woman who was literally raised to marry (well) and have children. Because she was treated like a princess, spoiled, and groomed to catch this wonderful provider, she never learned to look outside of herself, for one thing, and didn't have the faintest idea how to raise children, for another (thea princess caring for a child? More like the child giving something to her). She had her first child, who was a sweet, docile thing that made her feel strong and capable and smart. Then she had me, who outsmarted her at every turn. So, she started making up things to tell people so that they would think me pitiful, because that is how she wished I could be, so that she would feel superior and add to her sense of self-worth. The many talents that I had were quashed with barbed remarks, with her going to my father and getting him to put me in the place that she wanted me to be in, to belittle me, and finally to send me away to college at 16, so she could have only the children that made her feel good about herself. It was not until I was in my 20's that I realized she had a brain and that she had been deprived of making anything of herself. Thus, because she had no aaomplishments, everything that I accomplished was turned into something worthless so she could feel better about herself. I was also overweight (my father was a type II diabetic and was raised on a high carbohydrate diet that he passed on to us) and, like the previous post, she constantly tells me that I have to stop eating. Because of her lack of education, she believes everything she sees on TV, an does not realize that weight problems are often caused by *not* eating, as your metabolism shuts down. But -- she is the mother so she knows more than those of us with a 'Dr." in front of their name (this she makes fun of, as well, like it is something that they just gave me for showing up and paying the money). It's hard not to associate with her, as I do have compassion for her. After all, she never had anything but being a wife and mother (not that there is anything wrong with that, but she never accomplished anything on her own). I really think that these behaviours grow out of frustration and anger at their own lives and the results of the choices that they made. Like the first post, I find that my mother also has a distorted view of reality and every piece of true information that comes in is just distorted and integrated into her distorted view of reality, like mirrors in a funhouse. She has what she thinks I am (or wants me to be)and no amount of truth will ever change her mind. She still thinks that geckos walk on two feet and have an English accent! She is not stupid (unfortunately) but she just lashes out at me because of her own jealousy and unhappiness with the way her life turned out. You just have to see her for what she is and realize who you are. If you can do that, the mean spirited treatment will not affect you. If the cutdowns have a basis, all the better. You can improve ourself. But for *you*, not her - no amount of improvement (and no amount of confrontation or talking) is every going to change her mind. Her distortions are her reality and no amount of facts or revelation is going to change it.



brenton
1423 days ago
to be honest i'm the same.

i hate my mother, and she sucks the life out of me just when things get good. she's a horrible piece of shit, utterly selfish, who will take anything good away from you when have it, and slam u with shit when u just want to be away.

i can't even write properly she makes me so angry. every time i build my life from the ground up, she comes in just at the last minute when i'm trying to work out what to do and ignores me, punishes me in some way, takes my energy and joy. and throws it away and gets on with her own life to leave me with the wreckage.

i swear to god i hate her.



rath223
1417 days ago
friend,

do not hate yourself it is not your fault and regarding your mother i believe our situations are the same how have you dealt with it your whole life i am 16 and i already cant handle it anymore and now my sanity is being questioned by my close ones and me myself, i believe i am mental stable witch makes me worry even more for my own fate....how have you coped for so long



bcsurvivor2006
1403 days ago
Just like most of you,I found this when I googled "I hate my mother" lol.There is no possible way I can write all the things that I have endured at her hands because it would be a book.Her and my Dad divorced when I was 4 and she was addicted to pills and alcohol.If not for the fact that my Grandma lived next door,I don't know what would have happened to me.She constantly brought home men and slept with them and once when she wouldn't answer the front door my Granma put me through the bedroom window,right in the bed with them!I would cry and beg her to stay home with me but she never would.When I was 10,she married one of those drunks she brought home.She was already 40 years old and she got pregnant with my brother.When I was 11,my stepfather started molesting me,I was so scared.When I was 14 I finally got up the courage to tell her.She reacted by putting me in a psych unit for 3 months and when I got home,I wasn't allowed to wear shorts,tank tops or anything that showed my arms and legs.She said that I was leading him on and my fault.That hurt me so bad.She divorced him when I was 17 and married.She hurt her back at work and she wanted me and my husband to live with her and help her with my brother since I made him lose his Daddy.I am now 38,been married 21 years and my kids are 19 and 13 and we live with her.I left 2 years ago because she pulled my daughters hair.She refused to let us have our furniture,clothes or anything.What really sucks is that I had breast cancer,had both breast removed,a year and 1/2 of chemo and suffer from constant chronic pain.Of course,dummy me moved back in so she could come back home from the nursing home.My brother is now 28 and addicted to drugs,which she provides to him,she says she doesn't want to see him in withdrawl.She expects me to cook for them and clean the house and I'm just not able anymore.There are days that I hurt so bad I can't get out of bed.They don't try to help themselves.They eat something and throw the paper in the floor.She poops in the floor in the bathroom and messes on herself all night and she won't wear Depends.She sleeps on the couch and stinks up the whole house.We can't have company and we stay in our bedroom 24/7 as does our son.I have finally come to the point that I have to leave,I am never going to get better phsically until I have some peace.The only thing stopping me is that it costs so much to move with the deposit,first and last months rent and utility deposits.I could never treat my children the way she has me.



Pickles
1373 days ago
You know, I visit sites dedicated to I Hate Mother and I always see silly posts telling us to understand our mothers and seek therapy with our mothers and blah blah blah. Are you kidding? We're not talking about a woman who sticks her foot in it during an emotional moment. Angry people like us have relentlessly ABUSIVE mothers, do you understand? I dont think that you do, because you see, the word 'mother' conjures up all kinds of images of nurturing, matronly mamas who kiss our boo-boos awwwwww. And furthermore, what is this mania for 'therapy' all the time? Is there an unwritten rule that states we have to have these women in our lives? Just because I am genetically linked to someone, does not mean I owe them my presence. I always, always have the option of indulging in a good, old-fashioned DISOWNING. Try it, you won't regret it. You won't one day awaken and cry, "Oh what have I done!" Take your leave and be done with it!!



ramblingsidrumpo
1302 days ago
My mother died over a year ago but I hate her more than ever.I guess it's because what she did to me left a lasting impression on my mind and,consequently,there's a part of me that I don't like and have never come to terms with.She was violent,manic depressive,and a very negative person with a poor self-image.I could take all that and feel for her,except that when I finally confronted her with my memory of how she'd traumatized me with her anger and violence toward me as a child,she denied any wrongdoing and called me a liar.In recent years I've begun to suffer with anxiety,which I believe I'd supressed for many years before facing the truth of my past,so I have a number of reasons to hate my mother,and have given up trying to forgive her.I just can't do it.



selfnewborn
1182 days ago
hii, i read almost all of your unswer, i dono if anyone would ever read mine since this uestion is prety an old one, anyway, tht's true, i googled it ' i hate my mother', and then i foudn this website, and i just felt realeased how some of u explained this situation , and i can say it's a quiet reseanoble explanation, which makes me feel better about my self and about the hall thing.

i'm not american, i live in an arabic country, so mantalities are diferent, but i can tell u tht mine is like yours, but my mom is soooo different from me.

this person who gave me life was waiting for me and wishing to have a girl, i'm the only girl she hase, am the last one, i have four older brothers, a 40 y o brother married to a wife who i don't like at all, and hi mand i started arguing about me geting out and trying to have fun, so he started saying there is no girl in our family tht goes out like i do without beying married.... anyway, so he's saying all theses things to me, only father who stood by me and defended me, but mom kept silent as usual.

i have a second brother who is addicted to cannabis and who never sticked with a job longer than 3 months maybe, he always had fights with both my parents since i was a little girl, i used to hear loud fights and bad things going on, but mom always helped him out, she gave him alot of chances even tho, he was a morron and stuped and never learned about life and how to get into it.

i have this third brother who now is setteled down in paris and he's the favourit one, mom just adores him, she really really adore shim, respect him, cherich him, protect him, ..... he buyher presents, pay her bills in the supermarket, travel ith her, buy her things and when i have a fight with her he show her how to treat me and how to make decisions about my case. sometimes all my brothers , i mean especially the first one and the third one, are like the ebst friends of mom and they start lke this conspiracy behind my back, they lways talk behind my back, and actually mom and the third son are always getting alogn with eachother, and they sometimes talk behind the older brother's back, and he's like daaa, i love y'all , let's go get her, the bad sister....

anyway, i have a fourth brother who has been somewhere like rehab coz he's a junky, and he used to hate his parents, i dono abt now, i never spok to him.

so my story with my mom is little bit different, coz this one is always trying hard to keep her image clean, so she uses my words against me, she know how to manipulate the other brothers so they would hate me and help her beat me and break me down.

since i started talking, i stoped beying her beloved lonly daughter, she hates how i say 'no' and ' i think" and " you did tht ...', she just dont like me anymore with my new person and new personality tht i built on my own, she never was there, when i first had my period, i remeber she kindof had fun with the maid, i wanted that to be a secret but she took my panties and started analysing things with her, tht hurted me so bad, not back then but now when i remembered it.

when i was a student in her school whenshe used to teach frensh, i had this difficulties coz of the teachers who hated her appareantly and threw it all on me, i told her that but she never beleived me until she saw the bad marks and the bad results, then she understood tht the teacher, means her colleagues weren't so nice with me.

i always get wht i want like shoes, jeans, make up ..... only if i tell her my friend got it too, or her neibhour got it to her kid..... so tht she would feel secure by spending the money on my satisfaction, only if she knows others have it too, and not like any one, just the friends tht she's inmpressed by and respect.

when my brother got married, she became so cloose to his wife and that bitsh used me as a way to get closer to her, and she's sooo stuped and she let her to show her how educate me , how to spend the money on me and how to treat me.... until they got on a fight once coz the wife stoped respecting her mother in law, i think mom got wht she deserves for leting me on a side and listening to tht intrude.

we started having thoes huuge fights like 6 years ago or more, now i'm 22 y o, and we still have big fights, until i collapse, tht's when she's okey, when she sees me cry and break down, i always end up having this nerv attack or something. then she starts saying, i love you, don't do tht ..... and we fight over something else againe and againe and againe, this will never ever stops.

the probleme is tht she thinks am the devel and am a bad a girl and tht i hate her, and she always tries to show me who's the boss.

she's always guided by her son in france, and she even tells him about the secrets i share with her, which are suposed to be secrets.

anyway guys, i'll sleep soon, i choose to get over it and move on with my life, i stioped loving tht woman on our last fight, coz i'm fed up, i'm so fucking tired, and i only need patience, i still got this last year in university then i can get a joband move out, if there wasn't my dad, i would be in a mental hospital, he always helped me out.

everytime i come back to hom on vacation, i can't stand it beying arround her, she always starts fights with me and provocates me, and do anything to make her look like the victim;;;;

soo i decided to forgget abt her, ure stories helped me to decide this and other things, thank u all for sharing, i hop u'll read my unswer too.

i would love to keep in touch with one of and share our sad and happy moments. thank u bye .

xoxoxo



msmotas1
1177 days ago
I am happy that I found people like me on intenet, I didn't know that is possible to have a crazy mother like I do. I feel confortable that it happens to people, I am not a chosen one. She lives in another world, a world of hate, and messed up with my mind since I was born. I did accept her world for a while as the reality and I became a teenager with fear of everything . Now I live 500 miles away from her. Just speaking to her ( to be honest i just listen her bullshit)on phone is enough to me. I am lucky that she loves her house and cats more than her children, so she never come to my home.



karxarias
1160 days ago
Its helpful to see all these posts.. i am studying for some exams that if i pass then i'll become a police officer which means i will be independent for the rest of my life economically even with little money. so i can get away from that fat bitch.if i dont succeed i'll just get my money i have on the bank in cash and leave the country so i can go somewhere else and start a new life..



karxarias
1160 days ago
my name george and i am 19 years old (previous post)



cutelittlenemo1
1156 days ago
Thank god I found this forum, i am about to have a nervous breakdown. On the verge!

My mother had me when she was 16, I am a male. I lived the majority of my childhood with my grandmother. My mother was always stubborn and she married my father and had me without telling her family. When I was 5 she unexpectedly came and took me away from my home with my grandmother. From that moment on my life was hell. My mother would lock my younger brother in a bedroom all day and night long, tied to a chair with no light. This went on for years. We were homeschooled because "the outside world was dangerous and dirty". I was frequently stripped and held down and forced to wear diapers at age seven and tied in a high-chair, I believe to humiliate me.

My father was an alcohalic "yes man" who was bipolar and simply a huge pussy. Both my parents are highly intelligent in different ways. My mother is extremely manipulative,calculating and I believe she thrives on getting attention negative or posative. She never finished grade 9 though and never worked a day in her life. Shes smart, but in a sneaky way and she easily fools people into thinking shes a great mother , appearances can be deceiving. My father on the other hand, he is very well educated but when it comes to socializing, he is not able to do it. He never had any friends and cant communicate properly, he is also a pathalogical lier and would throw anyone, including his children under the bus to save himself.

Both are SICK and I hate both of them with a passion, I often wonder WHY the FUKC was I given these parents and this life...why couldnt I have been born to a loving family that would appreciate me?? They conn people and defraud people and yet fool everyone into believing they are wonderful!! My mother wore surgical masks and latex gloves and wouldnt allow us to have anyfriends because they were "dirty" we couldnt go outside OR even go to school. Finally in grade 6 was my first day at public school.

My parents divorced when I was 13 and my mother got into an even worse relationship..imagine finding the lowest excuse for a human being you possibly could ever look for...well my mother found him. A convict,alcohalic,borderline retarded,criminal Charles Manson lookalike double. She brought him into our lives and my brother,sister and I were subjected to horendous abuse at the hands of this mad man while our 'mother' sat by and did absolutely nothing to stop it. The amout of hatred I have for this bitch for ruining my life aswell as my siblings lives I cant begin to tell you. We were cheated out of our LIVES!!!

My sister is now 24, she has three children from three different fathers, she is beautiful and has a degree in psychology but could never get it together because of her past I believe. She is now on welfare and single.

My brother is a complete failure in life and impregnates anyone he comes in contact with, is an alcohalic homeless bum who turned out exactly like his parents but stupider. I am 29 and went through YEARS of struggles, creating surrogate familys whereever I could, moving doezens of times and having psychological health issues from the trauma I endured. I became a male prostitute and was raped on many occasions then i got my life together and made alot of money, bought a condo, nice car ,nice clothing and showed everyone I made it and was NOTHING like my family. I gave BOTH my parents a second chance, I took my mother on lavish vacations, bought her expensive gifts, anything she ever wanted. My father and I have a weird relationsship, he had many nervous breakdowns and he acts like hes retarded but really isnt, he just enjoys pumping himself full of pills so people will feel sorry for him...he is two faced and I had to cut him out of my life. My mother promised she would never betray me again, she said she changed. I was sexually assulted while on vacation last year, I was given a date rape drug, I ended up in a forign citys emergency room and I was placed in the trauma ward against my will because I was groggy and traumatised. After I calmed down the doctors said they would release me but wanted to make sure I would be safe because I was soo upset. Obviously, I was just raped! So they said they would keep me another day for observation, I said no....they agreed to let me go if one of my relatives phoned the hospital and released the hospital from liability. SO I phoned my father and he was too drugged up to even talk so I told him off and hung up. Then I phoned my mother and she said....get ready...... "im not talking to ANY doctors, I understand you were raped and I hope they keep you in the hospital for good" ??????? Where the hell did this attitude come from? After everything I have done for her I thought she would be there for me.. but she screwed me at the one time I was the weakest...this is what she LOVES to do... humiliate people and make them feel inferior to her because she is the devil...she has such a horrible life she needs to drag everyone down with her. So I told her , that if she made me stay in the trauma word alone for another few days I would NEVER speak to her again... she said "i dont care" and I hung up. My boss phoned the hospital and DEMANDED I be released , I was being victimized again because they locked me in a room with no windows and I was alone. So they drew up papers and I was released 2 hours later. I am suing the hospital now. I have not spoken to my mother since and she is trying to turn the rest of my family against me. I really can relate to ALL of you. Some people are so manipulateive its hard to describe them because people will think YOUR the crazy one.....NO NO NO....my MOTHER is the crazy one and she is truly messed up beyond words.

I am now married and my new family agrees with me, NEVER NEVER NEVER speak to ANY of my relatives...I hate them all and they use me only for money. I left the country and am never going back. They have no way of contacting me and I wish them all happiness but they are the kinds of people that will DESTROY you if you associate with them. I hope all of you find happiness. Just because we are related to people, doesnt mean we have to associate with them... WHY?? If they are evil and dont have your best interests at heart...then SCREW THEM!!!!!!! Life is too short to waste on fools, even if they are your own family.

vladimir romanov cutelittlenemo1



maltyfoo
781 days ago
I thought I was the only one with a terrible mom. It's nice to know that there are others who are on the same page as me. My mom played favorites when I was growing up and was verbally abusive and unsupportive of me and my goals. I use to hate my sister because of this, but now that I'm older I've learned to take a step back and reflect. I realized that none of it was my sister's fault and it was my mom. The women has never even thanked me or said she was sorry to me. I can tell she isn't proud of me, she was openly talking about how much of a loser I was to my grandmother when we were visiting. I don't even want to be home when she is around or on her day off. I try to arrange outings and my job schedule around avoiding her. The woman is an unstable sociopath and nobody believes me. They all think she's sweet and fun to hang out with. Of course! Shes a 54 year old child! She most recently hit my dog in the eye with the back of a butcher knife. I was also abused as a child although she will never admit it. My sister is the only witness. I feel so helpless. I can't change her or talk to her at all. Whatever I say, she doesn't listen.

Because of her parenting, I am now a socially awkward 26 year old male. I don't talk to anyone new since high school. I have no one to open up to because they don't understand or believe me. I hate myself and don't have fun. I don't enjoy much, it's whatever helps pass the time. It is very hard for me to verbally and physically express myself. The only feeling I can easily convey is anger, that's the only side people see of me. They see me as a quiet timebomb. People don't like me because of how I am, It is very hard for me to meet anyone. But she makes me so angry. My entire life, she was the cause and not my sister. I hate her so much, its always on my mind so sometimes it'll slip and people will judge and think worse of me. My anger has so much control over me.

I heavily used drugs for two years. It was my only way of coping and escape. Now I'm free of them and want to try therapy. I don't know what to do. I want to leave, move out as far as possible but I don't want to leave the few friends I have because I'm afraid I'll be even more alone. I love my friends, they're all I have. But I cannot even show them that. I don't know how to and all I do is yell at them a lot. I'm so grateful that they put up with me, but they can't help me with my situation.

Well, I hope the rest of you and working it out.



MrChickenCoffee
770 days ago
As far as my knowledge is, the solution I know is: Pity your parents/mother/father for denying the truth and looking down on others, and always be courageous in standing up for the truth, and be kind to your parents regardless.



arkansas
684 days ago
They say that as kids we always have to thank our parents for giving us life.. no matter how they treat us.. I have the same situation . I just hate my mom. She is very immature, irresponsible., alwaya whining how my dad didnt gave the life She never had a job by the way. It was just our dad who did everything. Since I was a child, I would everydays see them quarrelling about money , about how dad not giving her enough, not allowing her to do waht she wants. She never cared for us. When we get up for school she is still asleep..we would go to school hungry, when we arrive from school she would prepare store bought food that may be edible but not hearty. Whenever our dad would buy us things for school she would whine and complain why she cant have it too. She loves shopping so much, though she shops only for herself, and since most of use were girls we would use what she has ,, and she would go freaking mad. I started to resent being at home so at age 16 I asked my dad if I could rent a room with my our siblings..since we all wanted to live far from her. she would visit us everyday and expect to us to give her something from our allowance. (we were just students then..and she is our mom) Our dad asked as to go home since he can no longer afford it. we again have to endure my moms whining and complaining..out of desperation of not wanting to endure it.. I got married early at a very young age ,, to be free from a house where shouting



arkansas
684 days ago
and fighting is a past time. I got so lucky cos I was able to find a very good man who gave a life that I could never complain about. But he has to be assigned somewhere so I have to go back to my parents house to live with them for security reasons..after 10 years of being away from them..Then my miserable life started again.. ther never was a day taht shee complains about not having money. being always very tire of household chore, being bored.. I got her maids to work for her.. I gave them extra money for expenses, and my siblings too who happens to be living away from her and just sends money to shut her up..And its all not enough.. still she complains on how we live our life bertter than she does..well if you are a good mom why would you complain that your kids are living better thatn you do.. She would complain how we are not giving her not enough money.. though she just gamble or go shopping..she has incurred some debts which we are very surprised of because she never gave us anyhting in her entire life of being a mom..her everyday life include watching tv, getting a massage , talk to her friends, wathch tv, go shopping or visit her sister. she has way better life than us.. we are working our asses off to give them something but the only appreciation i expect them to give us was never given..is it really our responsibility to give them a better life ?