I need advice on what to do

Posted by violetskye 85 days ago (Question)

Ok so I will just tell you the background story so you understand where my question is coming from. So I used to be bisexual but I hid it from my father. Then on June 23 I decided I no longer was bi. However on June 26 my older brother got mad at me and told my father I was and that my friend was. ((I hadn't told him that I was over that phase and that my friend was also.)) My father wouldn't look at me for two days. Then I was told I was not to contact my two friends or visit them. I have been in my room mostly for the past two months and I have gotten paranoid. I think that I am being watched ((even now)) and I often dont sleep at night because of it. I dont trust anyone anymore because of the incident and I dont tell anyone anything thats wrong with me, in fear that it might come up in an arguement. I hate leaving my room because I think its safe and I no longer take joy in doing anything. My family does not know this for I act like I'm happy in front of them. My hands also now shake on their own and sometimes I cry out of no where. What do I do?

17 Answers

Answers

Written by bellacutie 85 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

What do you mean you 'used to be bisexual' and 'I hadn't told him I was over that phase'. Is it that your father is worried you're having sex with your friend? Are you being pressured to give up being bisexual - are you gay and worried about backlash? You don't need to worry - I'm not homophobic. Let us know :)

Written by violetskye 85 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

My father is a very strict christian man and I do think that he thinks I was having sex with her but we would never look at each other that way.

Written by Edahn 85 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Violet,

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough time right now. It'll get better, though.

Your sexual identity is YOUR BUSINESS and YOUR DECISION. As much as your father would like it to be his decision, it isn't. I'm not suggesting you fight with him about it, but you should be clear in your own mind about what's right and what's wrong. He can think what he wants, but it's your call in the end. It sounds like there isn't much disagreement now anyway.

Second, what you're going through right now is normal. Behavioral psychologists would call it Stimulus Generalization. That basically means that you've taken the quality of betrayal in your brother and applied it (generalized it) to ALL PEOPLE. Can you see how you've done that? Once you see that, your issue is over because you can see how your fear is UNNECESSARY. There is no reason to believe everyone will hurt you, it's just a little thing your mind invented to keep you EXTRA SAFE. But you don't need that extra safety and it's obviously been oppressive at this point. So, you can let the fear be there in the background and just go on with your life. What I'm telling you to do is to recognize that you don't need that level of protection and ignore it. YES, YOU CAN DO IT. How do I know? Because I've done it myself.

The last thing I think you should do is have a conversation with your brother about what he did and how disappointed you are. You can tell him that he will have to earn your trust back and that you consider what he did to be very hurtful. You can request an apology from him too. You may also want to have a conversation with your dad and clear the air. You can tell him that you're not bisexual, and that you didn't sleep with anyway, but that that's a choice people make on their own anyway. Then call up some friends and go out for a little while, even, remember, if you're UNNECESSARILY AFRAID to do it. Do it anyway. Fear is not so scary when you stand up to it.