let me start by saying i am 18 years old and have had this obsession since i was 14. ive seen several different therapists and counselors but nothing has helped. i also take lexapro.

now you might think im crazy or just want attention(everyone else does, but i want a baby. yes, i know im WAY too young and im still in school and babies are a very big responsability. a child is a human being, not just a something to play with and dress up. they cry, poop, and need food. they need you for everything. and it cost so much to raise one. i know im not ready for that. i just turned 18.
but for some reason, i feel like i need it. i envy pregnant women, teens, and the way they are living the life i want so badly. for some reason, i get upset after being near a little baby, toddler, pregnant women, or watching little kids play across the street. i get pulled over to the baby sections in stores and like to wish i was there getting something for my child. i have ghost pregnancies often(when you have symptoms of a pregnancy that isnt there), just about every month before i get my period. i look up things about pregnancy and children. i watch shows like 16 and pregnant, teen mom, birth day, i didnt know i was pregnant, make room for multiples, a baby story, etc.

im engaged to my boyfriend of 2 years and we are living on our own together and very much in love. but theres one thing that gets between us. my stupid, crazy obsession. he hates how im always upset and im always looking at the babies, children, and pregnant people who we see at the mall or wal mart. he says i have a baby radar. its like they all come out and follow me. like they are just trying to make it worse. he wants children but we are too young and dont get married till october.

i just dont know what to do. i want this to go away. i want to stop crying over someone elses children and life. i want to get better to save my relationship with my fiance. im tired of putting him under more un needed stress. what should i do?


Answers


Chemar
617 days ago
Hi

I think it would be a very stressful situation for you to have a baby at this point of your life. The reality of taking care of a little one is very different from the fantasy and being obsessed about it to the degree that you sound would not be healthy for you or your boyfriend and especially for the child.

As with most obsessions, the best way to deal with it would be with a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist.

Also, before you ever consider getting pregnant, please discuss all medications you are on with your doctor as some can be harmful to the fetus.



bella
617 days ago
Hi - I agree its important to take reliable birth control since you're on medication. If thinking logically doesn't help, then do consider therapy as Chemar mentioned. The motherly instinct can be very strong but you need to think logically its not the right time. Are you finished your education? Its also very important to be financially stable, because having a baby and not enough money can be very stressful. Do you think volunteering to work with babies would help? I was thinking you could volunteer to cuddle with babies at your hospitals neo-natal unit.

You're also forgetting to enjoy this stage of your life - normally there's the courting stage, the engagement stage, newly married and settling in....then possibly children. I think young people should be given a programmed baby doll, that cries every 2 hours and you have to take it everywhere you go. Does your fiancé want kids? Cherish this stage of your life and in time, you'll experience motherhood. Even the perfect circumstance still have stressful times being a parent - its truly the hardest but most rewarding job. Live in the moment, not in the future. Best of luck.



lilmisslindz
614 days ago
I am now 21 my son is 3 years old I was a teen mom and I think you need to start thinking about why you feel this way.But I think you honestly are just in need of feel accepted and love and children give that feeling. But I think you need to understand to put a child in your life with out the finical needs is childish and unsmart. Think about that child not yourself.



AlmostThere
610 days ago
You sound like a 6 year-old. "I want a baby! I want it now!" This is not the maturity level of someone ready to become a mother. A baby deserves to be brought into the world by two loving parents who are ready for parenthood: know who they are, know what their parenting beliefs and styles are and if they agree on discipline, punishment, etc., that are financially ready for children, have the support of family and friends, agree on the importance of religion in their child's life, sports, education, and so many more things.

Another thing you say is that you want a baby, you say nothing about having and raising children. Babies grow up, they don't stay babies. Children are selfish, demanding (I want it! I want it now!), time consuming, expensive and they try your patience on a minute to minute basis. A child does not fill a void in your life, they are too busy needing you to raise them. They need mature parents, not parents who "grow up with them".

Could it be that you have not discovered who you are, you have not found your dreams and you don't have the lifestyle that is is rewarding to you and your finance? If so why not?

Too many children are abused by young parents who wanted a baby, ended up with a screaming, runny nose, whining, demanding, challenging, uncooperative child they are not prepared and not mature enough to handle.

Get over yourself and your wants and think about that unborn child and your finance. Give yourself time to grow up and blossom. No one is telling you not to have a baby, but everyone is advising you to wait to have a baby. It's not now or never. Rather it's not now, but in five years.



Thisisit
606 days ago
I'm not advising not to have a baby. But the conditions need to be right. IF you and your fiance are on the same page here (which it sounds like you aren't) IF you and your fiance are financially ready (which seems unlikely, but I have no idea), and IF you have spoken to mothers you're close to (including your own) about the awesome responsibility, then God bless you for wanting to mother a child! I WISH ALL MOTHERS WANTED CHILDREN THIS BADLY! I think others here are forgetting that it's only a recent phenomenon in this country that people wait until at least their mid-late 20's. The generation and two before us often had children at 20 years old... and since we believe our advice is worth giving here, I guess we think we turned out pretty well.

Look everyone. The "cookie cutter" way isn't always the best way and it's not always the way for everyone. This might be the best thing for bitty94's long-term future and happiness. Just because she would be in a small minority in your opinion doesn't mean she should be dissuaded. Who are we to understand what will maximize her long-term life happiness.



Starfall
598 days ago
I guess the advise I could tell you is for you to go try and babysit or do any type of work involving kids for a long time. I think that you're currently glorifying the idea of kids and while children are pretty amazing they also involve HUUUUGE responsibility and can also be annoying as hell. I think the experience might open your eyes to the fact children aren't sparkly trophies that stay cute forever and ever for every moment of their exitence. Babies aren't things that you can just get and eventually discard when the responsibility and stress gets too much. They're people who require love and great attention. And as one poster said, it's really a matter of what's right for the kid. If you're really that set on getting a kid now just get your mindset into thinking that there are still certain steps and lessons for you to learn and experience before getting a baby. You'll get there. Don't rush what would be good for you and the baby.