I guess im reaching out for help here. I have in the passed six months reached out over and over and really still gotten nowhere. I am a man (well maybe that is going to far considering) and i am 28 years old. I have a fiance and a 5 month old daughter.

I have had and lost almost 10 jobs in the last 2 years. Sober, high, it doesn't matter. I have gotten to the point where i cannot figure out what is wrong with me. I look hard for jobs, i interview well, i get hired and then two weeks later IM fired.

I am on medication but I can tell you that after once again getting hired and then brushed off this week that i was reduced to a hyperventilating pile of mush and could only seem to remark "oh my God".

Every other though I think is about suicide. The problem is that I feel like I can't do it to my beautiful daughter- But at the same time i feel like my daughter and fiance' would be better off without me. We already lost our home and had to move in with her family. My family won't help us AT ALL.

I just don't know what to do. If i go to the psych ward im afraid it will cause problems and they will take our child. If I lost her, There would be nothing left to stop me. It would not be long before i disapeared.

I go to these employers, tell them Ill do anything to take care of my daughter, show up when Im supposed to, and most times do the job well. I have bad teeth and am not very attractive. It seems like it doesn't matter what i say or do or how hard I work, within' a month they are letting me go.

With each one more job I lose or don't get or get lead on about my mental health and confidence reduce just a little more. I feel like I am nothing and noone because no matter how hard I try I cannot support my family.

I want to die.




Answers


Chemar
1536 days ago
Hi

so sorry you are going thru this

when you get fired from the jobs, is a reason given?

You mention "sober, high..." Does that mean you sometimes go to work when high or drunk?

Please remember that nomatter how much you feel your partner and daughter are suffering now, it is nothing compared to what they will go thru if you were to take your life! Have you been to http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

here is also a free and anonymous phone line you can call to speak to someone 1-800-273-8255 and also 1-800-784-2433

Are you in therapy? Getting help from social services?

I do hope you will be able to find a job that allows you to feel fulfilled while earning a living



bella
1536 days ago
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. This is a tough time economically for many people, but I'm sure your fiance would rather have you there with her and jobless rather than losing you. You're honest in realizing there's a pattern for you. Have they ever given a specific reason for letting you go? You mentioned you have bad teeth. I know we try and be positive and say, looks shouldn't matter, but truly there are certain base standards in appearance that are necessary. Whenever possible it would be a good idea to fix your teeth. This will make a huge difference in your appearance and self esteem. Another theory is the job market is down and they have to let employess go.

You owe it to yourself, family and especially your daughter, to keep going and make the best of this situation. You don't want to leave this legacy for your daughter. Please take a look at website above or call the emergency numbers that Chemar gave you. The important thing, is to wait, when you have these desperate feelings. It won't always be this way!!

You mention you lose jobs whether high or drunk - you should stop all drug and alcohol. I think you're trying to self medicate. Go to your family doctor and tell him/her how depressed you are - if you can't afford a doctor, access one through social services. It may be as simple as starting a new medication. I lost my brother to suicide almost 2 years ago, so this is a very passionate issue for me and one of the reasons I help out here.

Go to your doctor and get help for your depression. Commit yourself to your fiance and daughter - they need you more than any job. Please go to your doctor - this is the first step. Keep us posted and hang in there.



Iamnobody561
1536 days ago
You f'ing people make it sound SOOOOO EASY! "Go to your doctor". I don't have insurance and have been fighting for medicaid for months. I can't go to a doctor. I have no money. This is unfortunately the USA.

Fix your teeth. Okay. Got $10,000 I can borrow? Neither does ANYONE ELSE.

I have had 2 years clean TWICE. This last time my depression became so unbearable that i picked up aagin. Then I get on meds and get sober again, and still I cannot keep a job, nor see a doctor regularly because i do not have insurance, nor fix my teeth cuz im not rich, but at least I feel a little better when working a program. Not that me FEELING BETTTER is going to feed my daughter.

I've had it. Lord please take me home. Please. I don't want to come back. i just wanna come home. J**** will move on and actually maybe be happy. G**** might actually end up with someone who can take care of her.

Please God?



Bear890
1536 days ago
At least you are living with your fiancees family. Although you say they are not very helpful, they *probably* wouldn't throw you out on the street, so you are ok there for a little while I hope?

Keep trying for jobs, it keeps the money coming in and the more you try the more likely you are to succeed. What about calling your former employers asking them why they fired you? You have nothing to lose, and you may learn what not to do next time.

You could try looking at yourself and how you come across to others. Perhaps you can be a bit rude without even realising, something like that, - Just an idea! Your family and friends may be able to give you honest advice about where you may be going wrong in your jobs. It may be that you aren't doing anything wrong, and that your employers have placed a lot of importance on something as silly as teeth.

I understand that the more times you get knocked back it does chip away at your confidence, but keep trying. An employer out there may understand your problems and see eye to eye with you.

Are you sure that your medication is the right one for you? I'm not sure if you are able to see your doctor or get any kind of prescription, but you can try changing meds to see if you get better results. The right medication can build up your self esteem (for me it was citalopram to treat depression). What do you think?



bella
1536 days ago
Sorry you got offended and please refrain from bad language. Are there free clinics you could go to. Yes I agree with Bear890 - thank God you have the help of your fiance's parents. You need to be on the proper medication. I live in Canada and sometimes forget that not everyone can just go to the doctors for free.



Chemar
1536 days ago
all states in the USA offer medicaid for families with minor children who are below a certain income level

the department of children and families in your area should be able to help.

They provide medicaid for the child and also cover both parents.



weareallsomebody65
1535 days ago
I am so sorry for your pain. I am sure your fiancee loves you. I am sure it is difficult to live with her family. I know society tells us the man is supposed to support the family. Take a look around at the parks and notice how many dads are there with thier kids. More adult males are unemployeed than females. If you have been able to get a job them don't worry so much about your teeth. Your attitude and perseverence will outway your teeth. How precious to have someone around you that loves you. Your daughter needs you to read to her to love her and maybe by your example and love she can have a wonderful life. Please dont beleive money is the only way to happiness. Look at what you have in front of you. I grew up with everything a child could ever want or need, except love and acceptance from my parents. All I ever really needed was there love. There acceptance for me, an imperfect child. None of us are perfect and if someone says they are they are lying. I have been able to keep going by remembering someone is always worse of than I am. Maybe you did nothing wrong with your employeers. Perhaps they hired you because they saw potential but somewhere down the road because of the economy they just couldn't keep you on. I know many people are going to school, living on pell grants and student loans until they figure out what to do. I hope the best for you. Love your family and don't give up on them by giving up on yourself.



lostbutfound
1527 days ago
I don't have the answer or the cure for this but i do understand what you are going through.

I lost my job in early 2009 i couldn't find a job for anything, I have no parents or relatives to help me, and i was losing my family slowly. I have a 18 month old daughter and she means everything to me. I can't count the nights i stayed up and couldn't sleep the times i broke down and wanted to die because i couldn't take care of her or my wife.

if things couldn't get worse my wife divorced me and that was a huge blow that knocked me down. I not only thought about suicide but i attempted it.

It was a fail attempt, i shot straight forward toward my heart and some how i screwed that up to. When i woke up in the hospital the first thing i thought to myself was i can't do anything right, i can't even kill my self.

after rehab i started to see a doctor who told me i had to see a shrink. the shrink treatment did not help cause the bottom line was, all i could think about was no matter how much you build me up and how safe i feel talking after the hour is over i go back to my terrible life.

he then recommended me to a counseling group with others who where going through the same thing as i was. Thats when things started to turn for the better. I met people that i could relate to who where going through or had been through what i was in.

i eventually got a job its not the best job and its no where near what i used to make but its a job and i can't complain.

All i can tell you is that it will get better, you have a wife and daughter that are still there for you. Your efforts in finding a job and trying to keep that job are great qualities but we sometimes just hit a strand of bad luck but once you jump out of that strand and on to a new one thats when things will change.

just don't go down the road i went. after i lost everything i couldn't even kill myself and now i have a state parenting counselor with a police officer that attend my visits with my daughter because of my actions in the past and they see me as unstable and dangerous.

I live for my daughter, im not the richest guy and i can't buy my daughter everything in the world but i am still her dad and i try to be there as much as my ex and the state will let me.

I never thought of how bad it would be if i would have succeeded in suicide. the questions my daughter would have to answer, why don't you have a dad? then my daughter would have to reply my dad killed himself when i was 1 and i never knew who he was. in my case my ex wouldn't say great stuff about me so my last days would be remembered as a fail husband who couldn't take care of his family and killed himself, and his daughter never got to know her dad.

I have to be here cause if my ex chooses another person to be with and he isn't fit to raise my daughter or even if he turns out to be a pedophile omg, i have to be there to protect my baby but i couldn't do that if i wasn't here on earth.

my life in no means is great but my daughter will know who i am and she will know no matter what my status is or how much money i make or what ever i become i am her dad and i am always there for her to love and protect her. that is something i could never give her if i was gone.

I hope this helps you a little or if it doesn't at least go look for a group you can talk to where people are in the same situation as you are. because i know your daughter wants you to take her to her first school dance. even though she can't say it i know that's what she wants, and you have to be alive to do that.



drjean
1474 days ago
Dying won't solve your family's problems, it will only make them worse.

Work on becoming stronger in the relationship. If that is built on good behavior and love, you can weather anything. Consistency is probably a good thing for you to work on.



lisakayb99
1406 days ago
I am sorry for what you are going through. In my state we have the Healthy Indiana Plan which is different from medicaid. You pay based on your income. As little as 6.00 a month. Does your state have that? Or in my town we have a health clinic it take forever to get into, but if your teeth bother you, maybe they could help you fix them. Also maybe write dentist in your area , tell them your story if this effecting your self esteem maybe you would find one that would help you pro bono, they can write it off on their taxes as charity. I do also understand about the job, I feel the exact same way. 4 years ago I accidentally wrote some bad checks on my own account, and did not find out about them until I was arrested for them. And even though I can prove it was accidental and that I took care of them, no will hire me in my field because of access to personal information of others and this is considered theft, dishonesty etc.. these were misdeamenor charges but our town judge is not into expunging records. I have a job now, but I will soon lose it when the background check comes back, and I had found the honesty was not the best policy in my other job searches, I have completely exhautsted my unemployment account. And the patience, kindness, and charity of others is running thin. I feel like I want to die too. I know this doesn't help you find a job. But you are not alone.