hi, im 20 yrs old.this is the first time im actually posting something like this online and i guess im just driven to dispair cause i cant feel like i can talk to anybody about it.
my long term fiance broke up with me three months ago and we were going to get married this august. he broke up with me for some other girl and he married her earlier this month.i didnt see any of it coming because he was sweet n loving to me till d very end so its been three months now but im still in some kinda shock. i am a musilm n come from a very religious family and i hold high values on culture n religion but because i really loved my xbf and we were going to get married i even had sex with him. i was his first too (or so he says). i also found out he lied to me about a lot of things after he broke up with me and i just cant understand any of it.
i planned everything with him, my whole life and future..i forgot to add something.i had to leave to do my degree in some other country and he was at home when he broke up. but it wasnt really long distance cause he would come to visit me and i would go there every three months and i hang out with him all the time..we chatted on the phone..everything was perfect. we planned our wedding,decided our honeymoon destinations and everythin and now i heard he took his wife to the exact place we wanted to go to on our honeymoon...it quite literally broke my heart to a million pieces. and i just dont know why this happened to me,.
ok so moving on...at d start everyone was really supportive and wanted to talk and help me out. my mom flew here to be with me. but now everyone just asks me hows things and looks at me their faces clearly saying pls say yes m fine, enough of this already! like my sister even told me its been ages i should move on now but i stil HAVEnt.
i am a very studious and disciplined person and have been teased a lot by my friends n siblings for it but now i have been cutting classes and my grades have droped and i havent told my parents about it. i just dont feel like doing ANYTHING...even picking up the phone to call home is like a huge thing for me..i cant sleep..its 2 am here and i have classes in d morning but im still awake and already thinking of cuttin the morning class...i cant concentrate, my mind wanders off to how things wer before and i just well up each time.its just pathetic, i know.this is embarassing to say but i even lost the urge to take showers or jsut simply look nice and clean.or even to make the effort to put on my eyeliner or brush my hair.i jsut wanna slouch around on my bed and do nothing. and then i hate going out now and i gained weight...m eating all d time now. and this would shock a lot of ppl who know me because i dont eat that much before. im very self consious of my body and image.now im eating like a pig on my bed and just simply wasting my life away with pathetic thoughts of wat if i had done this right with my bf or wat if i hadnt said dat or wat if wat if's. its driving me nuts...
my long term fiance broke up with me three months ago and we were going to get married this august. he broke up with me for some other girl and he married her earlier this month.i didnt see any of it coming because he was sweet n loving to me till d very end so its been three months now but im still in some kinda shock. i am a musilm n come from a very religious family and i hold high values on culture n religion but because i really loved my xbf and we were going to get married i even had sex with him. i was his first too (or so he says). i also found out he lied to me about a lot of things after he broke up with me and i just cant understand any of it.
i planned everything with him, my whole life and future..i forgot to add something.i had to leave to do my degree in some other country and he was at home when he broke up. but it wasnt really long distance cause he would come to visit me and i would go there every three months and i hang out with him all the time..we chatted on the phone..everything was perfect. we planned our wedding,decided our honeymoon destinations and everythin and now i heard he took his wife to the exact place we wanted to go to on our honeymoon...it quite literally broke my heart to a million pieces. and i just dont know why this happened to me,.
ok so moving on...at d start everyone was really supportive and wanted to talk and help me out. my mom flew here to be with me. but now everyone just asks me hows things and looks at me their faces clearly saying pls say yes m fine, enough of this already! like my sister even told me its been ages i should move on now but i stil HAVEnt.
i am a very studious and disciplined person and have been teased a lot by my friends n siblings for it but now i have been cutting classes and my grades have droped and i havent told my parents about it. i just dont feel like doing ANYTHING...even picking up the phone to call home is like a huge thing for me..i cant sleep..its 2 am here and i have classes in d morning but im still awake and already thinking of cuttin the morning class...i cant concentrate, my mind wanders off to how things wer before and i just well up each time.its just pathetic, i know.this is embarassing to say but i even lost the urge to take showers or jsut simply look nice and clean.or even to make the effort to put on my eyeliner or brush my hair.i jsut wanna slouch around on my bed and do nothing. and then i hate going out now and i gained weight...m eating all d time now. and this would shock a lot of ppl who know me because i dont eat that much before. im very self consious of my body and image.now im eating like a pig on my bed and just simply wasting my life away with pathetic thoughts of wat if i had done this right with my bf or wat if i hadnt said dat or wat if wat if's. its driving me nuts...
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Answers
Hi Lyza!
Everyone has their ways of dealing with loss and grief. Don't feel that your way is wrong, or not correct. You are a person who was hurt by his betrayal and his leaving you, which is very understandable.
The best thing to do, is to seek help with a counselor or therapist who could help you deal with this for what it is or may be (and I am thinking probably depression, as you did).
You are very courageous for putting all of this out in the public, but you are also courageous because you want help, and you know you need someone to help.
You are a good person, and you will do well. Please seek help soon, so it will get better for you sooner.
Best,
Clyde