Avatar Posted by Claire4Ever 1002 days ago (Question)

SORRY THIS IS A LOT TO READ! IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO READ IT THAT WILL BE GREAT BUT IF YOU DONT..... i understand. People already ignore me anyways... ): ): ):


I'm 14 years old and im going into my freshman year of highschool. (9th grade) I'v HATED school ever since i've entered my first year of middle school and ever since i've been miserable! It's not that i hate homework or math classes or stuff like that, it's just that im SUPPER shy, i cant make any friends and i feel like im alone in this world. No one likes me and i feel like a loser. It's NOT like im ugly or fat or really annoying and weird, It's just because im shy and i hate that about myself. I can't go up to someone and say: "Hey! What's up? What's your name? Wanna hang out some time?" Everytime i do i just embarrass myself.
I did have a friend that was very nice to me and i enjoyed her company and i loved hanging out with her everyday after school. We were REALLY close friends for about 6 moths. We did EVERYTHING together. Suddlenly one week she started ignoring me, started hanging out with other groups of friends and told me she didnt want to be my friend because i was too shy. So then she ditched me for popularity! This happened in 8th grade (not too long ago) and i started crying so hard. She was my only close friend and i felt like no one liked me anymore. Than people started calling me a awkward turtle. She started making rummors about me and started looking at me in the hallways gossiping to her friends how im so shy and that im a loner.
Now im scard to make friends because i dont want people ditching me for popularity or ditching me because im too shy. I have nightmares about highschool and how my friends are going to ditch me again for the same reason. Everytime i have thoes dreams it makes me want to not go to highschool even more.

SO... i took some advice from people on the internet on these answers and people told me to join a club and i would make friends very easily. So i tryed doing volleyball tryouts. Im not bad nor im i great at volley ball but i was mainly there to make friends.(volleyball tryouts are all day for 3 days) By the end of volleyball try outs everyone had made atleast 5 friends and i was still the person who was sitting in the corner alone cause i didnt have the gutts to talk to soemone. Plus i didnt even make it into the volleyball team which was even more depressing.
My parents have no idea how i feel and they think im crying because i didnt make the volleyball team but im actully crying because i didnt make a single friend while at volleyball tryouts. I really wanted to meet people so i could hang out with them on the first day of school but i failed that and now everyone there knows im a loner.
I feel like my life is over or feel like running away from home on the first day of school cause i just cant stand the thought of going to school and having no friends. My parents want me to see a therapist but i dont even think she'll understand how i feel. I just need help and advice.

PLEASE! I'm begging you! Your the only last source of help that i have right now!!!!!!!!!!


Answers


Chemar
1002 days ago
Hi

sorry to hear you are having these struggles

i agree with your mom that you should start therapy. A therapist is trained to help YOU work through things yourself. They work with many people and have gained understanding by much experience. Ask you mom to find a therapist who has experience with teens. Just give it a try and see how you feel after a few sessions. If you dont want to go back, then at least you will have tried!

I do want to encourage you not to let what has happened with that friend rob you of yourself. Sadly, your story is very common. Young people can be very cruel to each other with what they say and how they act toward each other. But remember it is THEM that have the problem when they act this way, not you. So even if you are shy, that is not something to be ashamed of. Many people are! and they are often the nicest people in the world!!

Keep your eyes open at school for other people that look shy or lonely, and start being a friend to them. Dont let the "popular ones" make you think they are better than you. They are not!

maybe also start looking for hobbies or things where you can develop talents you may have. You will start meeting a different kind of person, who shares your interests and start developing self confidence as you do things you love.

hope that helps a bit :)
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bella
1002 days ago
Hi ((Claire4Ever)),

when I was younger, I was just like you. I was painfully shy until my early twenties, where I finally learned to manage it. Unfortunately no one reached out to help me. I think you should listen to your mom and visit the therapist - she can help you cope with this. I wish I had the opportunity to speak with a therapist when I was younger because I missed out on the whole school experience. Like you I dreaded going back to school.

High school is the perfect opportunity to branch out and develop some social skills - there will be lots of new faces and the old faces won't be as prominent. The biggest hurdle with shyness is getting over the fear and the negative self talk. It's also important to learn new social skills - how to greet people, make conversation and looking pleasant around others. It's better to talk to people who seem nice and fail than not try at all. You can visualize and practice what you'll say in front of a mirror or with your mom. At first you can pretend like an actress, until you get more comfortable. Tell your mom how you feel - she may have struggled herself when she was younger and she can give you some tips.

When you go, look to join clubs where you excel - get involved in your school community. Make it your goal to make a few new friends and invite one of them over to your house. Learn how to look confident - this means not looking down when you walk and looking pleasant. Humor is one of the best qualities to have.

People sense when someone wants to be left alone. I regret not enjoying my high school years and I hope you'll be able make this a great year. You have a good mother and you should take her up on the offer to see a therapist and tell her exactly how you feel. This is a controllable problem.
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shooting-airplanes
1002 days ago
Hi there :) When I was your age, or a bit younger I was exactly the same. I was very quiet, setback and didnt really have any friends. You are still young and you definitely want to have a good highschool experience. Try to be friendly to everyone, dont force it just ask casual questions to everyone, ask how their weekend was, ask about homework or anything. Slowly you will become more comfortable and others will open up to you as well. At your age people, girls in particular may be very judgmental. Take it from me, as you get older it will get better but you have to make some kind of effort, just simple talk :) I wish you the best of luck
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askelizabeth
1001 days ago
Hi there. I can relate. I had the same problem in school. Kids can be so mean and they get in there clicks and won't let nobody in. I hated school. I would get physically sick when I started back to school each year. The one good thing I did have was a relationship with God, and I prayed a lot. Once I got involved with the youth group and the activitys, I made some friends. No I wasn't friends with every one but I made a couple of really good,honest, and caring people who are still in my life today =) and I thank God for that. Talk about a long one, bare with me, I think I can be of some help. Please keep reading. 1st I have suffered with deppression since I was a teen, but did not get treatment till I was in my 20's. I wish I would have told my parents how I was feeling. It's important that they know your struggeling honey. YOU MUST TELL THEM! Don't rule out therapy so quickly. No it's not for everyone, but it does help some people. Can't hurt to give it a few sesions. I have a 16 year old son named Zach, and I swear your note could have been writen by him. He sees a therapist and has gotton on a low dose of Celexa (anti-depresant) and it is helping some. Anti- dep. arn't usually given to kids under 18, but there are exceptions to every rule. You need to know your not alone, there are others at your school going through the same thing. Talk to your school counclor- alot of times they can be of help. Have you thought of joining the yearbook club? where you go around and take pictures for the yearbook. Thats a great way for conversation to get started. I wish you all the luck, and if you would like to talk further you can e-mail me or my son Zach, We both have been in your shoes. It's a lot easier to talk on the computer than in person at times. Just be careful on the computer. If your lonley your appt to be to trusting at times. Don't give out personal info to those you don't know or trust. If you belief in God, Pray about it. I will leave you with our e-mails if you choose to talk. Mine is liz.mccown@yahoo.com My son Zach is z.ferstle1994@gmail.com. Good luck to you. Liz
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Niparpon
1001 days ago
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estars9
998 days ago
hey,

i know exactly how you feel. my first year of highschool i lost my friends to this other girl. she stuck gum in my hair and i looked to my friends and all they did was laughed and pointed at me. i walked to the nurse in tears. after that they called me names and would always say hurtful thing. then i began to isolate and i bacame very depressed. i tryed to kill myself in tenth grade and ended up in the hospital for 9 days where i was diagnosed with depression and was given medication. my next year in 11th grade i didnt have any friends and then my big brother left to join the army. i was scared he was the person that i looked up to but most important of all understood me! i was really scared of loosing him and i was always thing of what if...? what if this, what if that. and i jus couldn't take it so i tryed to kill myself again. this time i ended up in the hospital for 15 days and i was also diagnosed with bipolar and was given more medication. since that day when that girl stuck gum in my hair my life has just spiraled down. i coped by self harming and hav struggled with it since. i am now going into 12th grade and i still struggle with it! i think i've rambled enough... :) i just wanted you to know that no matter how rough it gets it always gets better!!! you know what from what i've read you sound like a nice young lady. and so what if your shy thats there loss! and from what it sounds like you dont sound that shy! if you can get on the internet and tell strangers your story and ask for help well that doesnt sound shy! :) maybe the volley ball thing didn't work out so what. try other clubs. ones that dont cut you from a team! try something like a science club or sadd club if you have it. theres lots of clubs where you can make friends. and dont worry i have trouble making friends also. the number one rule that i'm slowly coming to follow is that you " CANT CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS OR SAYS ABOUT YOU! ITS ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF THAT MATTERS!" let people say what they want. you just keep your head held high because if they say things about you that just means the have low self confidence! lol :) anyway to cut this short just dont listen to them. and just know that you CAN make friends. and the road does get better. your life is how you make it and NO one can ever change that!!!! if you ever want to talk i will listen.

my email is estars9@aol.com

your friend estars9 :)
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lalalovesyuulots
904 days ago
hunny u DONT!!!!!NEED THERAPY

thats bull .. i was like u i would sitt in every class and walk the hall ways SCREAMING indside i hated my self and life itself. i new there was no way to change i would never leave my hell whole of shyness and tht school.

but luckily my mom made me switch skools FINALLY!
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lalalovesyuulots
904 days ago
i wrote more kick ass stuff but it was too long appernetly lol
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charebear
848 days ago
i know how u feel im in 9th grade and i hav friends but i dont trust them since in middle school my "friends" were so mean and took advantage of my niceness. im at a boarding school with waaaay different people than i am used to and i havent gotten used to any of them. if u wanna talk or something, im here 4u! (its way easier talking online than face 2 face if that helps u with anyone) oh and the girl that was mean 2 u is missing out. the mean girls r often the ones with the most insecurities, tho it seems hard to believe.
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Blocker06
478 days ago
Hi

Just telling you that, you dont need to be shy you don't need too feel woried

man c'mon im the same age as you I also have a shyness problem but I told

my Mum and Dad they have understood and helped me in every single way

tell your parants and they will help you!!!!!!!!!

-Blocker06

p.s That girl who ditched you is a bitch!!!!!!
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r0nald0
328 days ago
Hey man, the thing is, you have very low-self esteem. The thing is, you need to go up to a person, and talk to them, and at the end if you like what has happen, you would be like "That wasn't so bad!" and from that point on, you will go over to many people. I never had been in this situation, just like you have been. Another thing, you probably need a girlfriend/boyfriend. Don't go to therapy or other groups. They are all bullshit. Therapist is like a mother, asking you questions about your everyday life, what happens at school, and why you feel this way. I'm no therapist, but I'm pretty sure, I can do a very good job, for FREE. The best situation, is your parents and siblings. Than if that doesn't work, then the key word is "TIME", friend, time.
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Karen97
258 days ago
I feel the same.. i hate being a loner.. & i thought i was the only girl who will be so lonely.. one of my classmates told me that i was a anti social , that they think im not into getting along with people. But no , i am not a anti social. Im just very shy , and i dont talk that much. They called me a loner and i felt kind of sad...

Ive been a loner since 8th grade, and now im in sophomore and all these 3 years.. ive been lonely.. i feel like crying. No one ever talks to me.. except for this one guy in my class. Hes really kind that hes talking to me, and i really like him. Especially at lunch time.. im always eating and sitting alone at a hill in the shady tree. Ive been sitting there everyday.. everytime i see people with their friends. I feel so lonely , seems like i want to kill myself

But i cant do that, my goal is to graduate and have a best carrer in the future.. for some reason.. i wished that if i can only have one single friend.. :(

I just feel so sad every single day, but when i reach home .. i feel so relaxed and stoped thinking about school. Im a smart girl , i wear glasses. But im not ugly not that fat tho , im 100 pounds and my height is 5'3 .. I just wished that all loners in my school can make a group and get along together. I see a little bit of lonely ppl at my school.. but still... I feel so sad D:
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juswannabeme
209 days ago
I have been going through the same thing...sometimes I feel so lonely and rediculous I can barely hold back my tears.when I finally had the nerve to tell my mom how I felt she basically told me what I already new,not to let it bother me and to make new friends but she didn't understand either.ever since I was little I've been shy and quiet now it feels so much worse since everyone is becoming popular and loud and seem to have so much fun while I just sit and think about how rediculous I look.it is such a dipressing lonely feeling.yesterday I felt so lonely I prayed and prayed so sinserely and honestly to HIM and I had a much better day to day. I have sord of realized that all though I don't want to be the supposedly boring quiet girl that is who I am. Maby I need to be this way to show others they arrent alone.there is a perpose for everyone.live and love that is one:) I hope that this is helpful to you and anyone else who needs it.
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ShyBookworm12
134 days ago
I can relate to what you're going through because the same thing is pretty much happening to me and it bugs me too that I'm gun-shy. I mean I used to be pretty good at socializing with people but over the years, I've started unconsciously pulling away from everyone.... Anyways, I think you should take it one day at a time and slowly speak to the people around you. Like, for a example a girl that's known or you've seen to be kind to other people. Just you know say hi and try to occasionally make conversation. Anyways, just know if you ever need anymore advice we're all here -V
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