Okay this is what happened. I recently got arrested with a large quantity of cocaine. I have less then a month until I attend court. I'm facing time in federal prison. I really messed up.
Im not allowed to attend my brothers wedding now in another country. I still have to tell my family what happened and that I can't go. Im going to devastate my family and ruin
Xmas and the wedding in the process.
I have so many overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, hopelessness. Im a really depressed. Im not able to eat or sleep.
I have so many fears about my future, fear of the unknown. I'm afraid to lose everything: my family, friends, my girlfriend, my cat, my house.
I'm worried about surviving prison. I don't want my loved ones to stress about me. I'm worried for my parents and how they will cope with this.
I feel terrible for what I've been doing to my community. I hope to one day become a positive to everyone.
Ive had suicidal thoughts about just ending it all but I know that won't help.
I'm trying to put some kind of plan together where my gf can take care of my house and cat. So I can still have something when I get out. I dont know how long Im going to get and if she'd be able to wait that long.
I really want to be strong and make it through this. I feel I'm beyond anyone's help. Its hard to even find examples of stories worse off then mine. I wish I never got involved with drugs!
I know I'm severely depressed because of all of this. Should I speak with a mental health professional about depression? Or does it count that I'm a criminal and I'm supposed to suffer for what I've done? Now, in prison, and eternity?
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