Avatar Posted by loserinCCS 69 days ago (Question)
I am jealous of everybody around me! As I’m writing this all I can think of is how I wish I were somebody else.

I have a degree that seemed a good choice at the time, but I haven’t been able to get a decent job that pays well. It has been ten years since I graduated and I have nothing: I do not have my own place to live, I have not been able to travel anywhere and I am have been cash strapped for the longest while.

I am not an intelligent person; I am always saying stupid things such as: ¨India is in Africa¨ I feel so incredibly stupid all the time!!!

I am not even remotely attractive. I have an under bite, sideburns, acne both in my face and my back (together with the accompanying scars), a bad case of hirsutism, stretch marks, chicken pox scars, chicken legs, a condition called brachymetatarsia (http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2263/1819913210_595beb1386.jpg?v=0), no neck, no cheekbones and very greasy skin.

I find myself envious of people with better skin, normal bones and little to no body hair. I can actually stare at normal people for hours. I can surf the Internet looking at photos of people who are normal. I cry every time I look at myself in the mirror and wonder why on earth I have so many flaws. I understand people are supposed to be flawed, but EVERYTHING about my body is flawed!

I am so disgusted my body! I am so disgusted at myself for caring so much about my appearance, but I cannot help it! If I were intelligent and had a decent career, I might not care so much…but even at that I am a failure.

I had to ask for a loan to go to college, and after I graduated I just had one job offer and ended up teaching to pay back that loan. Something I hate because my mother was a teacher and I dislike my mother and do not want to be like her. I learned that I had learned nothing at college. I made very serious mistakes and said the most idiotic, stupid and moronic things! How I wish I had never taken up that job. Not one days goes by where I do not think about that job and the mess I made of things.

And back where I live things are not very good either. Every time I hear my drunken ass father and my mother talk, I want to get out and never come back. I am so angry at them; I never want to see them or listen to them ever again! I want to live alone and forget they even exist! I even have imaginary conversations where I tell my mother I want to kill them!

I feel trapped, at my age I should be living far away from my parents’ house. I have no life! I have no money and no chance of ever getting out of my parents’ reach. I want to disappear and never come back. I have learned nothing from my parents, I resent them so much! They never taught me anything that was worth learning!

I resent people who have it all: beauty, brains, money, and freedom! I hate everybody who can travel and buy a place to live and who enjoy life! I know it is childish to voice my thoughts this way, but…damn it, as I was growing I was told things were going to get better and that if I went to college I would get independence and that was a blatant lie!

People say that getting a degree and education is the main, and sometimes the only reason to go the university, am I wrong in thinking that university is just a way to get a degree so you can get a job and financial independence? How can people chastise others for thinking that getting a good job and having money is more important than having an education? Is that why I do not get a good job and am so depressingly dependent on my parents? Why should I continue studying or value education when I don’t have a place of my own and no money?



Answers

Written by bellacutie 69 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

You definately sound very upset and stressed out. I agree it is scary that getting a degree sometimes doesn't guarantee a good job. What kind of degree do you have?

I won't get into that appearance isn't everything because I don't think it would soothe youright now. Being pre-occupied with the way you look isn't good either. I looked up both of your medical conditions. In regards to hirsutism - it's recommended that you go to your doctor and get bloodwork done to check your hormone(testosterone) levels checked - yes women have testosterone too and excessive amounts can cause too much hair in unwanted places. This unusually high level of testosterone in females can be why there's exsessive hair growth. Have you been treated for this?? A person can also get laser therapy to remove unwated hair, although it costly. Treating it medically is the better solutiion. For the other bone problem it does recommend surgery is some cases and also orthotics - this wouldn't stop you from being successful in life. I would say with certainty that the acne is also related to the hormone problem in your case and is treatable.

Almost everything you describe being wrong I could offer a solution - I could give you more later if you like. I could give you many solutions which could improve you outward appearance and make you feel better psychologically. But I still think you are suffering very low self esteem which could only be partially improved with the help of medicine etc. The other part of improving the self esteem process would need to come from you and counselling. Your doctor should also screen you for depression. You also should deal with your hostilities to your parents. Your hormone levels could also cause you to feel more agressive, so please have your doctor check them.

I disagree that you're stupid because they don't give diploma's to people with low intelligence. I just think you're very frustrated with everything right now. Yes I think you should continue to finish your education. If you're questioning whether your field of study will be fruitful later, this is something you need to discuss with the career advisors at school.

If you didn't say you had so many physical problems I would almost think you have a body image problem. But I think you should get medical attention for the hirsutism and see how you can improve your physical appearance and then see if you start to feel better about yourself. I could even tell you how to improve your 'chicken legs' - let me know. Please visit your doctor and see what he/she can do and then think what improvements you can come upwith too. You can help yourself and feel better instead of feeling like you have no control. Best of luck to you. :) Bella

Written by loserinCCS 69 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I am not in college.

I graduated ten years ago. Istudied modern languages and then I stayed in school to get a minor in translation. All in all I spent 7 years in the university.

As for the doctor, I went to the gyno a couple of times when I was 13 because my periods stopped, but now they are fairly regular. They have been regular for more than 15 years.

Written by bellacutie 69 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think you should go back to your doctor and have your hormones checked and see if they can treat the hirsutism - the excess testosterone could also be making you feel aggresive. Just because your periods are normal doesn't mean that everythings normal. Even if everything is okay you should be getting a regular gynecological exam when recommended.

All I can do is advise you in treating your sad feelings and to work on your self esteem in addition to paying attention to what you can physically improve. You would need to get some advice regarding the best career path for you. Good luck and I hope you have some good luck. Have you applied to be a translater in a government job?

Written by loserinCCS 68 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Work for the government? No thank you!

I live in Venezuela and the government is the source of most of our economic problems.

As for my career, I have NOBODY to talk to as I've already graduated and my parents are pretty stupid!

Who can give me advice? Nobody!

Written by Thumbelina 68 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Dear LoserinCCS,

I have a problem with something in your post. It's the fact that you call yourself Loser. Then, it goes downhill from there.

Since online we have the problem that we cannot see you or see what expressions are on your face or hear the unhappiness in your voice, we have to go by the words that you type into the computer. My dear, 99% of the words that you have typed are negative. They are negative towards you. If you had a friend and she was talking about herself the way you have just written to us about you, what would you tell her? Would you have anything constructive to tell her like Bellacutie just told you, or would you say to her, "OK, if that's what you think, then go feel sorry for yourself because I can't help you to change your mind."?

Bellacutie said you are frustrated. Yes, you certainly are. Things look terrible when one is as frustrated as you are. There are two main areas that you need to focus on.

First: what can you do to improve what you see as problems with your appearance? You can try some of the things that Bella suggested. Have your hormones checked out. Have a doctor give you a thorough physical exam. There are lots of things that could be going on that do not necessarily have anything to do with whether or not you are having regular periods. You could be having thyroid issues. I have a thyroid deficiency. It causes lots of problems. Get yourself checked out by the doctor to make sure your physical health is ok.

Then begin with your appearance. There are lots of things that people can do to camouflage their flaws. Clothing options and makeup techniques. See someone about your acne.

The next thing, and the most important one, is work on your attitude. You expect your life to stink. So, it stinks. Most of the words you have used above are absolutes. Things are never absolutely good or absolutely horrible. They are usually somewhere in the middle. You can identify several things you want to change about your life and list them according to importance. Then, concentrate on accomplishing one at a time. One of the things that should be at the top of the list is a new, higher paying job. And I would suggest that you learn to appreciate the job you have until you find another. Hating it just makes you more miserable.

I really do understand the frustration you are experiencing living with your parents. But complaining about it so vehemently simply makes it worse. If you make your plans, you will have something to look forward to, a plan to make big changes in your life, and a future. Best of luck to you.

Written by loserinCCS 68 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Doctors are expensive and I am not going to waste money on a physical when I could spend it on more important things.

Of course my life stinks, it is not a matter of attraction...when I graduated I was more optimistic, but things have gotten worse. How could I know feel that my life stinks?

Written by bellacutie 68 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think we did our best to give you many different suggestions and I'm fresh out of new ideas. You are very negative and need help. We're not doctors or psychologists -just regular people who offer to help. Maybe you need to start looking at what's positive in your life instead of everything bad! GL

Written by Clyde 49 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I dont like the idea either that these people are trying to help you and you are being facetious in your handling of this. You ask for help, they try and give it to you and you shove it in their faces.

Maybe you should actually look at the YOU in the mirror, find out why you are mad, not just the outside of you, and get some help.

Best,

Clyde


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