Avatar Posted by Mariette 72 days ago (Question)
Hi my boyfriend left me about a month ago. He used drugs, but i stayed with him and told him i will stay with him no matter what and will love him no matter what and help him in the best way i could possibly think of. We dated a year, i tried everything to help him but he hid it so well so i don't know whether he stopped it or not. But the thing i was so sad is the fact that after all i have given to him, stood by him, helped him and gave him love, he told me he isn't happy with me and he dumped me. I am soo sad i can't explain to anybody how sad i am, coz this was the relationship in which i gave the most and spent the most energy in, but he shatterd my heart saying that. The worst of all is i found out that after a month he is dating another girl she is 9 years younger than him and a stripper and apparently he is so happy with her and he loves her. how could that be? Why would he do that to me? Why do i feel so awful knowing he is dating a stripper? I smsed him again but he just kept ignoring me why does he do that, didn't he love me at all? What was wrong with me, i gave him everything and instead he loves a girl now that's the complete opposite of me. I am so heart broken, i don't understand it, what should i do? Should i feel sad cause i lost him? Did he just use me? Please someone help me to understand what i did wrong>>.


Answers

Written by Chemar 72 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi, I changed your title slightly as it was glitching into an older post with same title.....

Mariette, I know you are hurting but I do hope you will see that you havent done anything wrong. Sometimes people's feelings for each other just change, especially when they are young. I know it doesnt make things easier for you, but hopefully by not blaming yourself it will help you move forward.

I hope the hurt will soon ease, and that someone special will soon come into your life

Written by bellacutie 72 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I understand how disappointed you must be. You ask, should you feel sad because you lost him - no I don't think you should feel sad but you do anyway - right? It's very normal to feel sad when you've put so much effort into a relationship. He knew you didn't approve of his drug usage so he most likely got tired of that, even though you were gentle and patient. People on drugs really aren't capable of handling relationships anyway. He most likely is looking for intensity by choosing a stripper and it most likely will be a turbulent relationship because he's on the rebound.

Usually partners of substance abusers either end up as enablers or rescuers. Please be careful with your next relationship to avoid feeling like you're okay with helping your partner to fix something. Some people get trapped in those patterns so try to be aware this may be a possibility with you.

He didn't break up with you because you're flawed - he's the one who's flawed. Best of luck in healing - don't spent alot of energy pining over him - he's not worth it.

Written by conjohnlevay 72 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I felt so sad when I read what you wrote. I have been in a similar situation in the past and I know that you are hurting so badly. Please don't ever blame yourself or feel that you did anything wrong. The only thing you did was to give of yourself to someone who you loved. Sadly, he didn't appreciate you. You feel so badly about the stripper because you, my dear, have morals and values and a heart of gold. The stripper, on the other hand, is most likely into drugs also and obviously has no morals or values. He thinks she is so cool because she is so different than you. But I think in time, he will realize what he lost and how stupid he was. He is at a point in his life where he doesn't want to settle down. He wants to be wild and crazy, with no thought for anyone else's feelings. Let him go. But please, don't ever take him back when he (and I believe he will) comes crawling back to you. (If you do, for your own safety, please have him checked for STDs). I know how hard this is for you. As I said, I've been there. But please don't ever lower your standards. You are better than that. You deserve to be treated like the good person that you are. Try to keep yourself busy with other things to get your mind off him. The busier you are, the less time you will have to think about him. Go out and do things with your friends and hopefully you will meet someone new who will know what a wonderful girl you are and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. My thoughts and prayers are with you, my dear.

Written by Clyde 50 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I agree--sometimes things just change because of a way a person begins to feel.

However, this guy treating you the way he has, shows that the being wrong is with him, not with you.

You definitely can and will do better.

Best,

Clyde


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