I hope someone responds to this. I've been on for days. Searching for someone to get me some advise. After reading so many people's problem. I got tired last night and finally went to sleep. I couldn't get out of the bed this morning and don't tell me cause I went to bed late. I just didn't want to get up. I kept dreaming. I still didn't want to get up after hearing the phone again for the third time. It was 12:45pm I decided to get a bowl of cereal. So here I am writing. I haven't wanted to go to work for 2 weeks now. Monday will start the 3rd week out. I had be diagnosed with bipolor but I'm not a manic. I am so lazy (so the psych says). I gain so much weight since he had me on Limactal, Geondan, (was on Effexor, I couldn't talk straight). I can't remember but there were 6 of them. I relapsed from 8 years of sobriety in April and then I took myself off all the meds. I am today sober 5 months. I didn't really get drunk or stupid. I didn't even get sick or a hang over. I just had to spite myself and everyone in the fellowship. My family doesn't know. Anyway, I've been back to work after being out 3 months, and working long hours. 8am - 7pm. Heck I'd work longer if they let me. And I work. Non stop. Maybe that's mania? Now Christmas and having to please the family. I don't want to get up to go to work on Monday...oh woman at work wants a present from me. I'm not buying everyone...and I feel others are special too. Too much thinking. Now Christmas went over fine. My parents, they didn't get drunk. And they didn't brow beat me. So why don't I go back to work on Friday. I need a doctor's note. I go to the doctor he prescribes Xanin...and an antidepressant that the union won't cover so all I have is the Xanin. I take the Xanin at night and in the morning and I slept the day away. These aren't any good. So I don't take anymore. But the doctor says go to work on Friday...after New Years (week#2). Sure New Year's was good went to a friend's house. Stay in the house all day New Years' day. Didn't go to work on Friday. Today is Saturday and I'm sleeping the day away again...except to write and hope someone will give me an answer or talk to me atleast. My therapist (I called her the day I went to the doctor and I called the psych. (he's on vacation, too.) she said she could see me this week (week#3). Oh, I'm already planning on not going to work on Monday so I can see the therapist (and maybe be able to get some meds from the psych). Why can I just go to work and then make the appointment for the therapist on Tuesday..she may not have an available appointment for me on Monday but I'll stay home just in case...and then when I talk to her I'll say why don't we do it tomorrow. AUhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggg!
Please help me! Wow that was alot to say. I hope that I gave you enough information.
Please help me! Wow that was alot to say. I hope that I gave you enough information.
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Answers
The reason that no one is answering you is you're not actually asking a QUESTION. If you need to post about your experiences just so that someone else in the world can see what you're going through, you'd be better off to join PsychCentral and post on the forums, instead of in a place specifically for asking questions. Despite this, I'll try to respond.
Congratulations on 5 months sober. I was alcoholic for a few years with potential to continue to abuse, so I understand what it's like. Wanting to keep your self busy can have something to do with that as well as depression, to keep from thinking about it. I refinished furniture when I was getting sober. But you've gone beyond that to not being able to get out of bed. I didn't get out of bed until 3:30pm today. The past two weeks have been really hard, the holidays can be very stressful, especially when there are strained relationships with family. You've mentioned that your parents drink as well, so there is a family history there. This is something you should be discussing with your therapist if you haven't already.
You were right to question the number of drugs you were taking, especially considering the side effects such as weight gain from antipsychotics (which can lead to diabetes, not to mention how it makes you feel emotionally to be overweight) and difficulty speaking, which you should not have to deal with on a daily basis. But going off all your meds is probably not the answer. You have symptoms of depression that can be effectively treated with medication, if you stay on it long enough, at the right dose, and give it a chance to work. You should also be reading up on what the medications are used for, how they affect he body and mind, and what their side effects are while you are deciding whether a medication is right for you. I have had weight gain problems, lack of sex drive, and sleeping 12 hours a day because of some meds. I am more proactive now, and have got my self down to one med (an anti-psychotic that also helps me sleep), but may need to go back on an intidepressant because of how I've been feeling over the holidays (suicidal, hiding under the covers).
I have never heard of the medication Xanin and can't find any information on it on the internet. Are you sure you're spelling it right?
Lamictal is used to treat bipolar disorder, as well as being an anti-epileptic. Effexor is an antidepressant and anti anxiety medication. Geodon is used to treat psychotic states involved with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I suspect that the prescribing doctor may have been using the medications to reduce side effects of the other medications as well as treat symptoms, which may be why you were on so many. If you really don't want to be on so many meds, your best bet is to start off one at a time and see what symptoms still need treatment after a while on one med. Your willingness to live with the side effects of medications really depends on the severity of your original symptoms and whether one state of being outweighs the other - would you rather have to work off a few extra pounds and watch what you eat, or be unable to get out of bed and go to work every day? It seems an unfair question to ask someone who is suffering, but you must decide that you are worth the effort, in the end.
Best of luck.
I have to agree with pinklotus.
reading your post is more like a blog,,,,a blog for help...get a therapist ...your post is way to big for broad for most of us to digest and answer to ... I can relate to you on some of your points in your little book you wrote,,,but wow,,,way to much info,,,like I said see a thearpist...
Alprazolam (Xanax) is a benzodiazepine used for anti-anxiety. It that what you mean? It seems your mind is in overdrive and needs to slow down in order to tackle one problem at a time. It is a type of anxiety. When this happens to me, I have to remind myself to stop, sit, and just breathe for a while and not think of anything. To go for a walk in nature. To learn to relax. Just know that you are not the only one to experience these symptoms. Learn to accept the process. Medications take time to take effect. At least a couple weeks. If nothing improves, then return to your doctor and examine other alternatives. Keep the search steady but don't panic. Hope this helps.
By readying your post it sounds like your mind is working overtime. Is it difficult to slow down your thoughts? I noticed that you may be taking xanax, which can be an addictive substance. Did you tell your doc that you are an addict? Is this your psychiatrist that prescribed this? If so, that is very concerning.
From my experience a good sign that you are dealing with a mood problem is that you need medications (such as a benzo-xanax) to regulate your mood. Are you being honest with yourself regarding your sobriety? Your post is confusing about whether or not you are sober. Pill (prescription, such as benzo's, narcotics) and alcohol abuse are a common sign that there is an underlying mood disorder. Get to your therapist and be honest with him/her.
Thanks. I guess I was over reacting trying to express how I felt. Today is a good day. After I had a chat yesterday with someone on PC I decided to take a shower and go pick up a friend. Today I got up and went to breakfast, took a walk in nature then went by the horse stables and watched the horses. It's a nice day outside. Now I'm back in the house in the chair and here I am.
Thanks about the advise of the T. I will call her tomorrow and set up an appointment. I don't want to resort to meds again. And I only took the Xanix once and I didn't like sleeping. (I can sleep the day away without them). I guess my body isn't used to drugs since I've been without the for so long. Even with my slip I really didn't get hooked again. But still I don't want to take any drugs...but I will go to the psych and tell him what happened to me over the past 2 weeks. I've doing so well, going to work everyday and now bam...no desire. I actually woke up two days ago....I shared it somewhere else, saying "when is this life going to be over". I have to look at that. Today was a good day. The air outside was so fresh, I could smell it.
My mind is probably working overtime....but I'll wait until I see the T and the psych before I take anything to calm me down. Actually I feel calm...thanks again.
checking in to see if anyone else has any input....
Could you print this out and bring it to your T?
Best,
Clyde
I don't like this site. I get better input elsewhere. I'm depressed and you can't read throught the "blog". Sorry I reached out.
hi kittenkirk sorry how u feel. when i read your msg it seemed like an overdrive, but it's ok to have them. i wish i could print my mind like u did. don't feel bad for reaching out. what input could i give u? just want to help,stitlskin