Avatar Posted by Govinda 108 days ago (Question)
My family has recently fallen under hard times. My father has been unemployed for about a year, and my mother has no job. Sometimes, I'll come home from my sumer job, and she is in an upset mood, or is just plain depressed, and she takes all of her anger out on me, calling me a waste of her life, and that I make her want to commit suicide. This has happened on multiple occasions, even before when my father had a job. Her verbal abuse has caused me to feel suicidal myself, and I never feel as if I'll ever be who she wants. I feel like I've been nothing but trouble to her, and I've thought of killing myself or running away. Since her latest outburst three days ago, she hasn't spoken to me. I feel my mother is very serious about what she says, and that I'll never have a good stable relationship with her, what should I do?


Answers

Written by bellacutie 108 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

Many families are in tough financial positions right now, but this doesn't give your mom the right to mentally abuse you. These are horrible things she's saying to you. Have you told your father what she says to you and could he convince her to get help? How old are you? I don't know exactly what goes on between you and your mom but I don't think anything you do, would warrant the terrible things she says to you. I think she has serious psychological issues and it's not your fault, so please try not to let it affect your self esteem. Suicide is never the answer to lifes problems. If she threatens suicide again maybe you should call 911. If she's serious about the suicide then calling for help would save her - but if she's giving empty threats then calling 911 will smarten her up(to not do that again)

I think you should talk to your father and tell him exactly how she's been treating you, so hopefully he can get her help. If that doesn't work, is there any extended family who could help you? When you go back to school see if you could talk to a school counsellor. Just do your best to avoid conflict and don't get into verbal battles. Does your mom have any substance abuse problems? Hopefully when you're old enough you can move out on your own. Remember there's no problem worth killing yourself over. Best of luck, Bella

Written by Govinda 105 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I've told my dad what she's said, and he's even heard some of it, and he basically tells me to shrug it off and get on with life, which is easier said than done of course. Mum is clean regarding substance abuse and alcohol, and I'm 16. No extended family would be willing to help me out, because they've already heard bad stories about me that she tells them, never really the good things that I do. Thank you so much for your insight, I'm going to do my best to follow it.

Written by Edahn 107 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

I think you should remember that this is her issue, not yours, and that you do not have to take it personally. You may want to read about Borderline Personality Disorder, since it sounds like she might have that.

You might also want to pick up a book called The Mother Factor. Skim it at your local bookstore if you don't want to buy the whole book. It talks about abusive mothers and how their affect their children. It'll give you some insight into your own character and help you avoid some problems later on in your relationships.

The main, though, like I said, it to remember that this is HER thing and not a reflection of you or your personality. You seem to me to be a good, kind, thoughtful person. Keep your emotional distance when you know she's on the warpath and you'll be alright.

~E.

Written by Clyde 92 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Why does she say that? Do you have any reason why?

It most definitely is her issue and not yours...at least not yours in a reflection of how you feel about it when she says it.

Try to distance yourself from it as much as possible and find someone to talk to about it as well, to relieve some of the pressure.

Best,

Clyde


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