Hi

I am a 16 year old white male and live in South Africa, I have severe depression. I was born blind but regained some of my vision, I am in a blind and partially sighted school that delivers a very small variety of subjects to choose from which is a problem because I have no idea in what direction my life is headed and what I want to accomplish.
Last year I had my eye on a very talented girl but my so called friend who denied feeling something for her stole her from me, I'm over her but he is the schools "jock" and excels in every thing, I really loved her but he reminds me of what I could have had with her and I hate him for it, I went for another girl this year but she thinks her life is messed up while it seams so perfect.
My father like so many other is a do it right or don't do it at all and he wants so much from me but I can't give it to him. I am a compulsive gamer as it is the only way I can release my stress and relax, but when I screw up in the eyes of my parents the take my power cable and other things in an attempt to punish me, they have complete control over me, and they are literally smothering me.
My sister is a smoker, doesn't have a solid job and dresses like a wore but some how she is the only one that knows my pain, if I try to talk to my parents the turn the whole thing so that it makes me look and feel like the bad guy. I hate the image I see in the mirror and I lost the last bit of confidence I had after a girl dumped me. I just want to ge away from this endless circuit I have fallen into, I want to leave but no military will take me because of my sight, no police force will take me, and no gaming corporation like Ubisoft, EA, Square Enix or any other will take me because of lack of resources.
I really don't
know what to do anymore, I hate this loop I have fallen into, Please help


Answers


bella
566 days ago
Hi - how are your grades ATM? Gaming should be a small part of your life, only after doing all your school assignments. If you want to be a success then devote the right amount of time to your education. Its also not healthy to sit playing games too much - bodies are meant to exercise. What else interests you besides the military and police force?



Bluemuse37
566 days ago
Hi, jurie. I noticed a lot of similarities between you and I in the way that we feel... the bottom line, I think, is that we don't know how to value ourselves and any setback is pretty monumental in terms of how we endlessly diagnose ourselves as well as our internal dialogue. There is one thing I'd like to say. You are so young! You also have a unique perspective in life because of your personal issues. Also, rest assured that at 16 - having no idea where you would like to "go" or "be" is as natural as not knowing how to speak when you are born. People that think they know what they want at your age usually change their minds a LOT as they grow into adulthood. You are NOT alone in this though I sense a pure feeling of loneliness and misunderstanding on your part. Love is one of the biggest lessons and heartaches for someone your age. I, too, have suffered this because I think we are placing our value on something that is completely OUT of our control. Instead, like Bella said, you should focus on YOU! You should be the top priority and first person you think of everyday... not to become egotistical, but rather you realize that nobody else is going to give you the feelings you need to fill that void. Just joining this sight is a step... looking for answers. Many don't. One last thing: depression may follow you for your lifetime if you have the propensity to be depressed. I do not think this devalues you but rather strengthens you, whether you belive it now or not. Commit yourself to just one healthy new thing in your life that you do everyday. I don't care if it's taking a walk, reading this website, whatever you can find within yourself to invoke bravery. I have a feeling that you are a very deep thinker, questioning a lot, right? Sometimes you have to resign to the fact that some of your questions will not have answers, so turn to us and keep trying. The key is always trying... even on your worst day, if you don't get out of bed, but you pray or you repeat something positive to yourself like a mantra, you are moving forward. Please take the advice that being as young as you are, you have more choices than your realize. You are never imprisoned unless you are the one creating the prison... limiting yourself. You will one day find someone who is much better for you than these girls were, and you will be able to identify the goodness in other girls because you have had these experiences. So, be thankful for being so young and facing these issues. You do more than over 90% of the people I know, and that was admit to how you feel about this other guy (who by the way has no power over you) and admitting that you feel like you lost something. Many people are too proud to admit either though we have ALL been in situations in which someone has hurt us, whether they know it or not. The answer lies in you, jurie! I will pray for you and your talents to be made known to you in time. In the interim, patience, strength and humility... plus GROWTH are happening and will catch up to you... right now it may not seem so, but one day your experience will be your guide.. maybe starting now? Bless you and hope our responses help you to think about YOU... no one else is going to give you what you need; it's inside you already. Thanks for listening. Please keep us updated with your life and progress. I feel your life is only going to get better because you face your fears and know how to ask for help!! Remarkable for a boy your age! Respectfully, Bluemuse 37



irishclover
565 days ago
Even though it's hard and may seem like a horrible idea right now, you need to tell your parents how you are feeling. A parents natural reaction is to parent instead of listen. When you are in a calm state and they are in a calm state, you should talk to them. Let them know how you are feeling. Share what you're experiencing with them. When you come to them as an adult perhaps they will begin thinking of you as one. Lots of adults like to play games, many many adults. It doesn't mean they're immature. I'm not sure of the culture in South Africa but I hope all the best for you. Communication is key :)