Avatar Posted by sher27122012 148 days ago (Question)
To whom it may concern.
My dads a strict arab while my mum's english.They've been married for 32 yrs!And have had ups and downs like in any other marriages.Growing up in Jordan with my mother and my dad's family was somehow hard,while my dad worked abroad.I was probably the age of 7,8 while i started realizing that my uncle(my dads brother)was somehow in a relationship with my mom,he'd always tell me to call him dad and give me stuff to send to my mum,later years passed by where we all moved with my dad so things got calm.Returning back to Jordan at the age of 16 i met a friend which i began dating he was 17,had difficulties we broke up and made up for 2 years and my mum knew about him unlike my dad because its not acceptable as muslim arabs,but of course most girls do date.One day my mum and i with my younger sister decided to go shopping noticing my mum 42 yrs old flirt with approximately a 33 yr old married man,with time there relationship grew,she'd take us with her while she and him met for coffee,i wouldnt say anything it just didnt concern me by then,and sometimes she'd drop me off my bf's house and go meet with her man.The relationship then ended 4 years later!!at the time me and my bf had broken up after 3 years i was 19,i met a guy who was in Jordan for the summer vacation he lives in Palestine we started dating for 9 mnths,then broke up with him because i loved my ex.I got back with my ex after 5 months.The guy i broke up with started calling my mum and id find out alone id see on her phone calls and id notice deleted messages for almost 6 moths so when i confronted her she told me he's only checking on you,which i didnt believe because if it was true she would've told me and not kept it a secret and delete all messages between them!I told her he has nothing to do with me and has no reason to keep in contact with you either she said she'd delete his number and tell him not to call anymore.took her phone days later noticed his name deleted.3 months after thats 2 months ago i wanted to make sure they werent in contact again i took her phone and dialed his number,saw it was saved a girls name!I didnt care as much.So last night i got her phone and saw a conversation between both of them and it wasnt innocent they're planning to meet and the've sat together before it is so disgusting i cant stand her,how could she look in my eyes or my dad's eyes while stabbing us in the back,i told my bf because i cant stand living with a mother like that so as soon as possible he gets money and we get married am 21 now and cant deny her truth,and if my dad finds out he'd probably kill her,we take things like that so serios especially for a strict father.Cant believe how a mother of 7 children would do so i dont think id ever forgive her pleease help i cant confront her she's been like that ever since,ive lost all respect for her,i think my boyfriend and i should just do the impossible to get money and marry so we just leave,she might go meet him today!im so disgusted and depressed!! Cant wait to leave its affecting my life in every way,even my boyfriend is so disturbed ! :'(


Answers


Chemar
148 days ago
Hello

I am sorry you have had to discover this about your mother and your ex. I agree it is very wrong of her. Honestly, if it were my decision, I would confront her directly so that she would at least know the consequences of her actions. As you are old enough to live independently, it may be best for you to make those plans, tho I caution you not to rush into marriage just to escape from home! Be certain you want to marry your boyfriend first.

I also want to mention, even though I understand why you did it...that going through someone else's phone or other personal effects is wrong! It is invading another person's privacy and usually ends up with lots of hurt and strife, just as you have discovered. It also means that you have left the moral high ground, and so if you do confront her, she has reason to point to your own actions.

Anyway, I do hope this whole situation gets resolved for all of your sakes.
- 1 +



bella
148 days ago
Hi - I agree with Chemar, you should confront your mother about the affairs she's had and the one in the present. I'm surprised she would do this, given the strict beliefs of your father. Also agree you shouldn't jump into marrying just to get out of your house. The main decision to get married should be made logically and because you both love each other. Your mother needs to decide to be faithful or get divorced. Best of luck.
- 0 +



msr2000
148 days ago
Confront, but be nice about it.
- 0 +



Mememini
145 days ago
Confront her directly
- 0 +



Celine
137 days ago
From what you are saying to me it seems like you are being completely irrational. Firstly she is not a good mother if she is secretly meeting up with her daughter's ex boyfriend, this is wrong on every level are you joking? It is terrible. I would get really cross with my mother and tell her that if she doesn't brake up with your ex she will have to brake up with your dad. Secondly, darling put yourself and your happiness before everyone, no matter how selfish this may sound! Do not get married with your boyfriend ONLY BECAUSE you want to escape your mother. Make sure you are hundred per cent sure before you take such a huge step. You are only twenty one are you ready to spend the next sixty years with your man? If the answer is i dont know, maybe, well he will change, then do not get married until you are hundred per cent sure. And talk to your mom, and ignore the comments about invading privacy. She has invaded your life, so you have the right to invade her privacy. I feel sorry for you. Stand up for yourself girl! Your mother should get divorced, AND stop dating your ex. Oh my God. What she is doing is immoral, incomprehensible and purely sick, disgusting.
- 0 +