Avatar Posted by mcg 262 days ago (Question)
Ever since I can remember my parents have sort of disliked me. At first I thought it was me exaggerating; or that all parents were like this, until I decided to tell my best friend's mom. She was horrified.

I am now 18, living at home while attending college.
I am trying to make it into the film business. I want to be a director/ editor.
My parents often tell me it's stupid. They don't support me in anyway at all.
Often telling me I should just join the army, and that's all I'm good for.

I've been used to the insults, until I went to a friends house over summer.
I was shocked by how nice the parents were. I was there for over 2 weeks.
And everyday the parents greeted me, often saying I was like a son to them.
They enjoyed all my films, were interested in how my life was and treated my friend exactly the same.
When I got home.. I could see the major difference.
My parents were appalled with me returning.
Often they would start the day off by saying they were annoyed already with seeing my face.

The insults finally pushed me to the point of tears one day.
We were having our monthly family dinner. And my mom
commented on how she wished she never gave birth to me.
I began crying at the table, I couldn't hold it in this time.
she turned towards my little brother.
" Don't you ever be like him, he is a failure to the family, he is lazy,
immature, irresponsible, And look how pathetic he looks, crying like
a girl, we might as well call him our daughter"
Yes that was my mom who said that.
I went into my room. And never did they apologize.
It just got worse.

I ended up dropping college because I couldn't handle it.
I was kicked out of my house.
And for a few days I had no where to stay.
I then went to my friends house a few towns away.
and stayed there for 2 weeks.

My parents then called saying they were sorry.

I came back home, and for awhile they seemed nicer.
But then they changed back within a week.

then grandpa died. I loved him so much..
It was a shock, I was heartbroken. And my mom being superstitious,
said it was my fault. That God was punishing me by killing her father.
She said that with tears in her eyes.. so she actually believes that.
I don't know if any of you have ever been blamed for a death of someone
you loved. But ever since then
I have wanted to just die. I wanted to kill myself.
I thought maybe if I ran way or if I died. maybe my parents would feel better..

The most recent hurtful thing they told me
was " Join the army, and if you don't come back, atleast you did something with your life" ( they said that with the understanding that I might die, and they wouldn't really care) I don't want to do anything in the military,
I want to go to college, I want to do something in film.

This whole thing is effecting my relationship with my girlfriend.
I'm always sad, and end up getting mad at her.. I'm not hateful like they are..
I never say anything mean. I never argue back with them.

I don't know what to do?

they are providing for my college.
But their hateful remarks are ruining me. At night time I often cry.
Almost every night. Sometimes while I'm driving home because
I know they will be there..

Are most parents like that? I don't know.. Are you guys like that to your children? Everyone else I look for answers from just tell me " grow up "


Answers

Written by Rhiannon 262 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

This isn't normal. My mother was a similar way with me. I guess me getting molested made me less of a daughter to her. I don't know, we don't talk that much these days. I always call on her birthday and at Christmas which was my dads birthday.

I got on so well with my friends parents, and ended up staying there more than I was at home. I ended up getting married early so that I could leave home and boy was that a mistake. That was the way it was done back then though. Women were not encouraged to go into college or get a career, it was children and a home that was the pinnacle of a womans success...bah!

Never lose site of your dreams and goals. I tell my grandson that no matter what others think or feel, he can achieve anything he puts his mind to. He's only 13 but I can see the world at his feet and he deserves every success he can achieve...and so do you!

Leave them behind, cover yourself in a solid purple bubble and let their insults slide off. It might be difficult at first but if you think of it as teflon for insults you will see that they just slide right off and leave you clean...

Forgive them because they haven't got a clue, and obviously your mom is just the same as her mother taught her to be...forgive and let go of your anger and replace it with determination for success...apologise to your girlfriend, don't become an abusive partner, be who you want to be not who you are being forced into being...Good Luck!

Written by ChristiG89 261 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

First I would like to say I am very sorry anyone has to deal with such horrible people. Parents should not put us down, but be the ones to pick us up when the world kicks us down. That being said, your parents do not have to be your family. You said your in school? Thats amazing! Find friends and create close ties with your community. Start volenteering, maybe be a mentor to an underprivilaged child. Many lower-class children face the same difficulties you are facing. You could be someones savior. You can also go away to school. I mean granted its a much more difficult lifestyle working and being a student, but for you it may be worth it. Again, I am truly sorry for what you are experiencing, but it will make you stronger if you let it. I really think it would be a good idea for you to get involved in volenteer work. It can help give you a sense of self while helping the community. Hope that helps

Written by Edahn 261 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Dude, I'm sorry.

I would probably severely limit my interaction with them. Is there somewhere else you can live while going to a college? Apartment? Student housing? Can you get a job and become self-sufficient? It'll suck at first, but it gives you freedom from your parents, who sound kind of sick to me, actually. By sick I mean mentally ill and needing lots of therapy and life coaching.

You're in a good position, though. You see that this stuff is WRONG, which means you're not just reacting to it, but responding maturely and with sophistication. That's good!

Don't take their stuff seriously. You might have to mourn over the loss of your parents' love, but you'll come out a strong and nurturing person. :)

*manly hug*

Written by Clyde 256 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I too, am very sorry to hear about this.

I also would recommend limiting my time spent with them. Why spend time with them when they are just going to hurt you.

Please, however, spend time with your siblings, so they realize that you are not leaving or not loving them.

Best,

Clyde


Log in to answer or register here.