Avatar Posted by anonymous64 21 days ago (Question)
Over a year now I’ve had thoughts about my father, and I don’t remember what triggered it but I had a vague memory one afternoon that led to questioning. It was incredibly vague, actually, of myself in a bath. I could see that the water was barely filled and lukewarm, so I can only imagine I was very little. This memory jumps quickly to someone stepping into the bath with me. It’s a male, and I won’t automatically assume that it’s my father because I can’t recall ever seeing his face. I only remember his lower half bending into the tub and sitting behind me. He pulled me in his arms and set me in his lap. I can’t remember anything after this. At one point I recalled thinking that there had been a certain pressure from behind when he sat me down, but I don’t believe that’s true.
When I had that memory, or that thought, I related it immediately to sexual abuse and I started pushing myself further away from my father. Thought of someone touching me (both genders) is revolting, but especially if it's my father and I know that's because of the thoughts.

Anyway, as I was struggling to figure out what it all meant, I started looking up repressed memories, and I ran across one sight that mentioned something about ‘False Memory Syndrome’, and now I’m more convinced that I thought this because of an animosity I have for my father. But as I was reading about the syndrome it didn’t explain anything about “loving, caring fathers” only bad ones where the daughter or son resented them because of how they were neglected, and I was never ignored by him. He's never disciplined me, he's constantly telling me he loves me.
This is becoming disabling to our relationship. I can’t tell fact from fiction. Many instances he has done things to to make me uncomfortable or question and I just want answers. Please someone? Give me your honest opinions, and thank you.



Answers

Written by Chemar 20 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

phew...this is very hard because there really is no way we could possibly know whether this is a repressed memory of abuse or not.

It seems you have a good and caring father? tho you say "...Many instances he has done things to to make me uncomfortable or question...."

I am not sure what you mean by that tho

also your comment "Thought of someone touching me (both genders) is revolting, " ...do you mean sexual touching or affectionate?

I also wonder how old you are?

sorry to answer with so many questions but I am trying to understand more.

if this is impacting your life and your relationship with your father very negatively, then it may be wise to seek out a therapist who has experience with repressed memories etc and try to work thru all this with their help

Written by anonymous64 20 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I'm 19, and it's little things, like one time my dad came into my room (and I'm a light sleeper so it woke me up) and he started spooning with me for a little over thirty minutes. He was breathing very heavy and kissed my neck. Another time I was sitting next to him on a double-seated recliner and he put his hand on my leg and it was normal at first but his hand slipped between my inner thigh and he didn't instantly pull it back, you know? Stuff like that.. and he also gets upset when I don't kiss him on the lips. Up until middle school that was just normal for me, but when I started having those thoughts I would kiss him on the cheek instead and he would get very upset.

Well I've never had a boyfriend before, so I'm not sure about sexual, but in high school I made out with a boy, and when we finished I felt like I had to leave right away. Like I had to get out of there.

Affectionate touching I can't stand. I don't want people hugging me, putting their hands on me, I'll even distance myself if I feel someone's too close. If someone even brushes my leg, impulsively I'll cringe from it and move.

My dad was very good to me, but he wasn't perfect. He gambled all of our money away, he was filed for sexual harrassment at work years ago, allegedly he slapped my mother around a few times though I've never witnessed it. Also, the fact that he has never disciplined me over the years, but had with my brother, unsettles me a little. He doesn't treat me the same way he does my brother, and that could be because I'm a girl and that I'm the youngest but I don't know. He gets very angry with my brother, and he'll argue and sometimes they've even gotten into fist-fights over things, but when I do something wrong, or when I act out towards him he won't do anything. I should probably see a therapist but talking with someone about it, one-on-one, the idea scares the hell out of me. Thanks for responding.

Written by Clyde 20 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

If he did do what you said he did in your last post, then it is sexual abuse, and yes, I would definitely see a doctor and tell the authorities about it.

Best,

Clyde

Written by justme2 17 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Just because your father favored you does not mean he would not sexually abuse you. False memory syndrome is usually tied to a therapist/psychiatrist encouraging memories that are not true. A spontaneous memory like you describe is probably not false. (I never see faces in my memories.) I found a therapist through a rape crisis center. They are used to dealing with sexual trauma.

hugs

justme2

Written by Thisisit 13 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

What you described in your 2nd comments was very disturbing for me to read. I'm a father of 3 sons and 1 daughter. While I am in general a very affectionate person by nature, the situations you mention sicken me. That would never, ever happen between me and "my princess." Those are not "normal" actions for a loving dad (nor moral, but that's another story).

Talk to someone you trust and good luck.


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