i am really depressed, so i think anyway. i really couldn't care what i look like and i find it hard getting out of bed knowing its a new day, i am 13. i self harm and a few months ago my friend took me to a councilor, i didn't find it comforting and i wish i never went, i had to tell my mother about my self harm issues and it wasn't exactly the best thing i had to do. my friends are really supportive, but sometimes they are to pressuring and while they are trying to support me they hurt me, i am better when i am alone. most people at school pay me out because of who i am, what music i listen to and how i dress, also because most people know about my self harm, and i don't know how they found out. about 3-4 months ago a new kid came to our school, he was really nice to me and we've become really close, we're basically best friends he is fairly depressed himself and he feels very alone and scared, he told me i am the only person he trusts and i respect that a lot, and i really do love him alot, he is always there for me, as i am for him. but a few days ago he told me he was going to commit suicide, it was in maths and he was crying and we we're just passing notes like we always do, so we can do our work and not get in trouble. but when he told me i didn't exactly know what to say, and i repeated a few things people had said to me when they learnt i tried to commit suicide myself, i made him promise not to do it because i needed him here and i loved him. i got sick the next day and i haven't been to school since i keep asking my friends if he's at school and if he's acting normal because i can't contacted him as his phone was stolen, they tell me he is fine but i am still worried because he good at hiding his feelings, i am relieved he is alive and kept my promise I'm just worried that he needs someone and i have let him down because i am not there, i also keep having these dreams they are all the same but they have a different scene and way of things happening, the dreams are about him, we will be at school or it will be a weekend and there all about him committing suicide, its terrible, i wake up crying and in a cold sweat because i always find him dead or he dies in front of me,in my arms or just before i get to him, i am really confused about the dreams and i would like to know what they mean aswel as some advice on how to deal with both myself and him being depressed and suicidal.
thank you
thank you
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Answers
gabi, I'm glad you wrote. It's important to reach out to others for help. Depression tells you lies...and it also confuses your thinking and invades your dreams, as you have seen.
Can you share more about the meeting with the counselor? It's good that you have friends, and please do tell them you want their help but might not be able to accept it all the time. That will help them hang in there with you, rather than abandon you (which the depression is telling you is what you want.)
It's difficult to form a good relationship with a therapist from one visit. I'm sure it was hard to go, too, and even harder to talk about everything going on inside your head. But it is what you need to do. Talk therapy with a doctor or counselor will help you begin thinking right again, and help pull you up to where you will care about yourself and your friends and enjoy life.
You've tried the dark path and you aren't happy, please do give the counseling a good effort (the rest of the year?)
Take care
drjean
Hi there Gabi,
I am glad to see that you are dreaming about your friend, cause that means you do care about him. Caring is a good thing in a relationship. While the suicide thing is not so good, at least you are trying to talk him out of it.
You may want to meet more with a counselor than one time. Tell them how you feel, and discuss about how your friend is doing too, and how it makes you feel. This of course, is bothering you.
Best,
Clyde