im a 33yr old lady.my problem is tht i still cant get over my ex-lover.my love relation wit him strtd 8yrs ago.he was 3 yrs younger to me.i met him whn i was having a problem with a guy who was madly in love with me n he was emotionally blackmailing me to get married to him.i never loved the other guy.i was scared to reject him ,but didnt want to accept him cos i nvr loved him.but he took the proposal to my parents n made it a big issue.i wanted my boy friend to marry me.but he refused it saying he is not prepared for a marriage n tht his paraents wd nvr agree to our marriage.he said he wd nvr go agnt his parents.he forced me to marry the other guy promising tht he wd continue the same way.the other guy is my husband now.i cdnt hv sex with him or adjust with his family.i was drowning n i couldnt even concentrate on my job.i begged to my bf to accept me.finally he asked me to wait for him n told tht he wd take me.i waited for him 3yrs without evn allowing my husband to touch me.aftr 3 yrs he came to see me.v hd sex.i thought he came to take me.but whn my husband came to kno abt it he ditched me saying he dont wana continue it anymore.my husband asked himto take me with him.but he rejected.he stopped contacting me completely. whn i came to kno tht i was pregnant i some how contacted him.but he asked me to abort it.he convinced me to do it saying he wd always be with me.i evn attempted suicide.but he didnt evn seem to care.i was very sure tht he was a flirt n he hd many other realtions too.but i reached a stage tht i cnt live without his presence.n i was ready to compromise anything for him.i wished for his child a lot.he promised tht v wd hv our child.idont know y i believed him.i waited for 2 more yrs restraining frm sex withmy husband.but my bf kept on having online sex chats with me.5 yrs passed my parents were so upset thinking i hv problem with conceiving.finally i decided to go for a child,cos i cdnt see my father sad.my husband is a gem of a person.i love him a lot but not in the way i love my bf.i kept on continuing the other relation.i started getting depressed ,whn he restricted the realtion to just a sexaul one.he wdnt evn care to satify me in sex.he wd leave once he is done.i sort of hate sex now.i just need his love.thr was no news frm him for 2 months,later i came to kno tht he is gona get married.i still dont know how n whn tht girl came to his life.he said he was forced to marry her.evn the day before his marriage he wanted to come to c me.few days aftr the marriage he wanted to hv sex with me.i cd feel his love while we hd sex tht day.but just 5 months aftr their marriage his wife got pregnant.they have a child now.i cdnt accept it at all.i met him on ths vacation.(we live in different countries)but he treats me like a slut now.just use me to satisfy his sexual desire.he dont evn care to satisfy me.he wont call or take my calls nw.most of the time he shouts at me saying he is busy.but whn he is in good mood he wd say that he wd always continue with me n tht he loves me.im so depressed ,my father is very sick n i hv to join a very responsible job next week.im not able to concentrate or prepare for it.i feel stressed n tensed.i cant stop crying.above all im dying out of tension.i dont know what to do.i feel like going back home to my parents,leaving the job.my husband i s always thr to console me.but it doesnt help me.i end up calling my bf just to get hurt.i really wana overcome ths stress n depression.i wana get over him.please help.


Answers


bella
1900 days ago
I'm going to be conpletely honest here - where do morals and respect come into the equation here?? I think this is a clear case of severe addiction to your BF, confusion, low self esteem and depression. I wish I could deliver this post in a more delicate manner, but I'm not comfortable with blatent cheating situations - so I apologize if some of this is stingingly truthful. This is how I see what's happened:

1. You let other people pressure you to marry someone you didn't love and withheld sex from him. You cheated and lied to your husband and had a continuous affair.

2. You let your BF manipulate you and convince you to abort your baby.

3. You have hurt your husband severely. Have you thought about how HE feels?

I recommend that you cut off all contact with him completely, especially since he is married with a child. You should go to your doctor and tell him/her about your depression and get into counselling(for the addiction). Get yourself together and start that job - working will take the focus off yourself. Wait until you feel better to make big decisions like moving to your parents or divorcing your present husband. When you feel better evaluate your morals and lead your life accordingly.



Clyde
1888 days ago
Wow!

I do think you are depressed, and I do agree with Bella, you shouldnt of aborted the baby, just because this guy is basically pulling the strings and using the both of you--his wife and you--for his gratification.

What about your husband? You got married to him for a reason, didnt you?

I would recommend seeing a doc for the depression and thoughts and a therapist as well.

Cut off all contact with this guy who is just using you.

Best,

Clyde



Clyde
1888 days ago
Wow!

I do think you are depressed, and I do agree with Bella, you shouldnt of aborted the baby, just because this guy is basically pulling the strings and using the both of you--his wife and you--for his gratification.

What about your husband? You got married to him for a reason, didnt you?

I would recommend seeing a doc for the depression and thoughts and a therapist as well.

Cut off all contact with this guy who is just using you.

Best,

Clyde