I am not sure what to do with my life anymore. I loathe my mother. I have no feelings for my father. Especially since he was gone for my entire life and then showed up expecting "the red carpet treatment", as he said. My siblings could care less if I was dead or alive.
I have never loved anyone. Nor have I ever been loved. Seems it was decided that I was only good for one thing. Funny how you can be nice to everyone you meet, even ones you dislike, and yet you get shit in return.
My only friend is a boy who lives in my old home of Arizona.(I've moved thirteen times) Although I listen to every issue he has, when it comes time for me to cry, the boy doesn't want to hear it. Then again, nobody ever hears me. They tell me to toughen up or to stop whining.
You see, my mother hates my guts and has told me every day since I turned 13 that she couldn't wait for me to move out. The ironic part is that she pulled me out of school, never taught me how to drive, and basically made it impossible for me to find a job. Now I am a prisoner in my own home, here for her petty amusement. And that's when my step-father isn't bitching at me. My last step-father was abusive, although he never hit me. Only the others in my family, as I hopelessly sat by. Unable to do anything.
I suppose what all my bitching comes down to is that I am so utterly alone. At 18 years of age, I could die today without worrie. It feels like I have seen everything the world has to offer, and it ain't pretty. I'm tired of trying to reach out and feel someone. ANYONE. In the end, I'm still the good, quiet, nice girl who just sits around waiting for help. Which is funny because I had tried to kill myself before as a way to ask for help. But my mother refused to take me to more then two therapy sessions where I was "diagnosed" with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Please. Somebody help all of this pain go away. I don't know how much more I can take. My sanity is hanging by thread.
Notice: Psych Central Answers shut down to new questions on January 11, 2013.
Looking for a place to ask your question? Sign up today for our community (you'll need a separate account than the one you use here), and ask away!
Ask and answer questions about mental health and relationship issues in a safe & supportive environment. If you ask a question, you will have to answer someone else's first, in order to give back to others here.