I am not sure what to do with my life anymore. I loathe my mother. I have no feelings for my father. Especially since he was gone for my entire life and then showed up expecting "the red carpet treatment", as he said. My siblings could care less if I was dead or alive.

I have never loved anyone. Nor have I ever been loved. Seems it was decided that I was only good for one thing. Funny how you can be nice to everyone you meet, even ones you dislike, and yet you get shit in return.

My only friend is a boy who lives in my old home of Arizona.(I've moved thirteen times) Although I listen to every issue he has, when it comes time for me to cry, the boy doesn't want to hear it. Then again, nobody ever hears me. They tell me to toughen up or to stop whining.

You see, my mother hates my guts and has told me every day since I turned 13 that she couldn't wait for me to move out. The ironic part is that she pulled me out of school, never taught me how to drive, and basically made it impossible for me to find a job. Now I am a prisoner in my own home, here for her petty amusement. And that's when my step-father isn't bitching at me. My last step-father was abusive, although he never hit me. Only the others in my family, as I hopelessly sat by. Unable to do anything.

I suppose what all my bitching comes down to is that I am so utterly alone. At 18 years of age, I could die today without worrie. It feels like I have seen everything the world has to offer, and it ain't pretty. I'm tired of trying to reach out and feel someone. ANYONE. In the end, I'm still the good, quiet, nice girl who just sits around waiting for help. Which is funny because I had tried to kill myself before as a way to ask for help. But my mother refused to take me to more then two therapy sessions where I was "diagnosed" with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Please. Somebody help all of this pain go away. I don't know how much more I can take. My sanity is hanging by thread.


Answers


bella
1502 days ago
I know it's hard to tell at the moment, but your life won't always seem this way. Suicide isn't the answer and we need to find an alternative way to deal with this. I think the first thing you should do, is see your family doctor. You might need some medication and therapy.

What age did your mom take you out of school? You need to start being more independent and the way to do this, is to finish your education so you can get a job. Are you willing to try that?? Do you have any aunt or uncle who would be willing to support you with learning how to drive? Could you live with a relative?

When I was 18, I thought much differently than I do now - I changed for the better and so will you. Problems seemed monumental to me when I was 18. You need to feel better and come up with a plan to leave your mom since she's not supportive to you. If you feel in danger please call a crisis line.



Chemar
1502 days ago
Hi I agree with Bella

it would be wise for you to try to get your GED (you can study online and from special library books for it and take it at many locations)That will hopefully open up more job opportunities for you.

and yes, try to find someone else to teach you to drive, and hopefully to give you a place to stay while you work on moving forward with your life

I am so sorry your mother isnt supportive of you. You do need to be in therapy for the BPD and she should be enabling that for you.

if you are feeling suicidal, here are some helplines that you can call free and anonymously

1-800-273-TALK(1-800-273-8255)

1-800-SUICIDE(1-800-784-2433)

Teen Hotline-

1-888-747-TEEN(1-888-747-8336)



ihateeveryone
1502 days ago
you hate youself and everyone(as you see from my user name)too? i do.i never seem to fit in and when i do my dumb ass senses make me somehow do something stupud and of course i no longer fit in and i never fit back in. of course. just the stupud little girl in the corner.. do you feel my pain??



ihateeveryone
1502 days ago
i agree with bella



pink5034
1502 days ago
Show / Hide



bella
1502 days ago
This is a worldwide website, where the members belong to all religions not just the Christian religion.



ratsalad
1419 days ago
The world is a big place, with many people living in it. Your world might really suck right now, but on a globe of the entire planet, your unhappiness is happening in an area the size of a pin head with a tiny number of people. I would say, stick your pin in other parts of the globe and try your luck there before giving up hope of finding happiness. After you have tried all other places and people on the for friendship with no luck and are still suicidal, then it is time to do all those things that you have been afraid to do in life. Afraid to skydive because you may die, now is a good time to try it. Scared of rock climbing because you may die, now is a good time to try it. Scared to go scuba diving because you might die, now is a good time to try it.. Who knows, you may enjoy it and half way down you may change your mind and pull the chute, and life may be fun again.