Avatar Posted by oiggir77 75 days ago (Question)
I am 32 years old. Was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 16. I have regurally taken 600 mg of Lithium Carbonate since then. I have also regurally excessively abused alcohol,pot,cocaine and LSD. I have ruined every relationship I have been in due to my extreme ups and downs. The last two years I was involved with a mentally abusive controlling woman. We abused cocaine excessively for the first year. Split up and got back together with no drug use again. I was still drinking until I had a blackout and snapped in front of her kids.After that I stopped drinking. I hadn't smoked pot or anything illegal in a year. My mood got better but the damage between us was done. About a month later she shut me out of her life. She is very angry that I am on medication and continued to drink. Now I am alone, extremely depressed and slipping with my sobriety. I have been having a lot of suicidal thoughts. More detailed than I have ever imagined. My career and goals have withered away, my family is concerned but not very loving, my kids are getting old enough to not need me around. I am just very very depressed. Each time I try to communicate with this recent ex, she degrades me and tears me to pieces emotionally. I can't even stand it. Where do I start to get back on track. I don't want to die but I am not seeing a way out.


Answers

Written by Thumbelina 75 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I am very glad that you have written to us.

I am also bipolar and was misdiagnosed for 20 years as unipolar and treated with antidepressants alone which only caused deeper depressions when coming down from mania. I have never done any illegal drugs with the exception of smoking some pot when I was in college. I did not smoke much and it was only recreational and was a long time ago. Before I was correctly diagnosed, I did abuse alcohol for many years but took myself to AA and quit abusing alcohol.

Today I take a mood stabilizer (Depakote) and a small dose of antidepressant (Effexor ER) which together control my bipolar very well.

Your question is where do you start to get back on track. I will honestly tell you that from everything I have seen in my lifetime of meeting and getting to know many, many individuals in both substance abuse programs and mental health programs that the best thing you could possibly do for yourself right now is find the very best inpatient treatment center in your area and go there. Tell them exactly what you have written to us and tell them about the suicidal thoughts you have had and tell them about the alcohol. Do not leave any detail out. Since you are what is referred to as a "dual diagnosis" (both substance abuse and mental illness) it would be best for you to go to a mental health or behavioral health inpatient treatment unit. If you are in a large city, ask around for the best one available. If you are in a small city, ask for the closest one to where you are.

If you are serious about getting well, this is absolutely what you must do. If you cannot identify specifically where to go immediately, go to the nearest emergency room and tell them that you are bipolar and are suicidal, and that you must get help.

I wish you the best of luck, my friend.

Written by bellacutie 75 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I agree and you recieved very good advice from Thumblelina. It's very important that you stop drinking and doing drugs. I realize you're probalbly doing it to escape and self medicate but this will exacerbate your BP. Don't tolerate your ex treating you this way - be nicely assertive. Cut of communication if she doesn't improve. Here is a good website and always know suicide is never the solution. http://www/metanoia.org/suicide/ Good luck,Bella.

Written by Chemar 75 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

you have received such good answers from Thumbelina and Bella,and I do hope you will try to implement what they have suggested,

I am so glad Bella also linked that site for you!

I also know of a very caring group where you can post for additional support re your suicidal feelings

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

hoping things get better

Written by Clyde 74 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I also am glad you posted to Answers, and hope you are doing better.

You can also go to http://www.psychcentral.com if you want to find another forum to talk at as well.

I think it is extremely important that you stop with the drug use and abuse.

Can you find a local therapist or counselor to talk through your depression with?

Please realize you are really not alone. I hope you know that.

Best,

Clyde


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