Long time, no write. I have a question about a talk I need to have later this week.
So Im an 18 yr old girl, and alot has happened in this last year. I had a very miserable year, and so did the boy I dated (lets call him Drake). Throughout the year I had extreme trust issues and a hard time sharing anything when it bothered me. At the beginning of the summer I started pushing everyone away, and Drake got close to another girl (and i half thought they were dating behind my back) and everything got terribly out of hand for both Drake and I's depression. So at the end of the summer I dubed that we take a break in our relationship until we got our acts together.
I dont know why but I thought this would help him. I thought it would make him find a way to fix all that was going on in his life. But, obiviously, I was wring. He plunged downhill and pushed anyone who showed concern out of his life by acting like an asshole, especially me (He explained this was an act to not drag people down with him). He didnt want to be close to anyone. After this month, although he had worsened, he told me more about things that bothered him than before, and I put my entire heart into hoping and trying to encourage him to improve. A few days ago I found out he was dating the girl I thought he could have been cheating on me with. I felt as though he had been completely been lying to me this entire last month or so about pushing people away and all the troubles he was having. I felt as though it was all an act to get me out of his life.
The comlete mind rattling misery that came from this made me realize how much I had pushed everyone away since the summer and how I was the one that was in the worst downward spiral (no wonder he wouldnt listen to my concern).
Ive talked to him about how I felt he was lying to me, and about my grand realization, and I finally want to open up (despite my nature) and tell him the entire story of why I chose to take a break and what I thought I was doing to help him and so forth.
The thing is, part of the information is that I still loved him since I said to take a break, and was hoping he would improve so we could continue our relationship. But now he has a girlfriend. How am I supposed to be a good friend and apologize for how Ive acted the last few monthes if I cant explain that? I could tell him about it..... but Im afraid he'll be angry with me or that he won't want to hang out still because of my feelings.
What should I say to him? He has been my best friend for 4 years now, so its not like our only known relationship was our dating one.
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