Okay so,
When I was younger (2) I was molested by my babysitter for quite a while until my mom found out. When she found out she went to court and he was sent to prison for 12 years, he just got out a couple months ago.(April,20)I know he's out because the prison sent me a letter in the mail. Well anyways, I'm writing this because when I found out he was out of prison I'm suddenly very scared he wants to come after me even though I cant even remember what all he even did to me. I feel like I shouldn't be affected by it because it was such a long time ago. I'm 14 turning 15 next month. I just don't understand it. I told my mom I was scared and she said for me not to worry and that he has a restraining order against me, but I keep telling myself that a piece of paper (restraining order) isn't going to keep me safe. Should I be this affected if i cant even remember it? Is this right? Well thanks for reading I appreciate it. I really do.
When I was younger (2) I was molested by my babysitter for quite a while until my mom found out. When she found out she went to court and he was sent to prison for 12 years, he just got out a couple months ago.(April,20)I know he's out because the prison sent me a letter in the mail. Well anyways, I'm writing this because when I found out he was out of prison I'm suddenly very scared he wants to come after me even though I cant even remember what all he even did to me. I feel like I shouldn't be affected by it because it was such a long time ago. I'm 14 turning 15 next month. I just don't understand it. I told my mom I was scared and she said for me not to worry and that he has a restraining order against me, but I keep telling myself that a piece of paper (restraining order) isn't going to keep me safe. Should I be this affected if i cant even remember it? Is this right? Well thanks for reading I appreciate it. I really do.
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Answers
(((got2))) I'm so sorry that that happened to you. Yes, it's quite normal to be afraid at this point. (The restraining order is against him, btw, not you. He is prevented from coming near you. If you see him, he's too close and you should call the police if that happens.)
I guess your mom could find out what types of counseling he may have received in the prison, and that might calm your fears some.
You can take a martial arts class, and learn self defense so you won't have to fear and will know you can take care of yourself pretty well should someone try anything. How does that sound?
You can't live your life in fear of this man. If you find you can't get over this fear and it affects your life negatively, you will probably want to get into counseling to help you. A therapist can help you not only know how to be and feel safe, but also make sure that , even though you don't recall what happened, that it isn't negatively affecting you anyway.
Good wishes hon.
drjean
Hi there (((Got2)))
Sorry that things like this happened to you. As Jean mentioned, yes, it indeed is normal to feel afraid at this point in time.
If you do feel entirely afraid, which is so understandable, counseling may also help you, so that you may feel somewhat better.
Best wishes,
Clyde
I agree that it's very normal to be scared. And most likely the notice that he is now out of jail brings up old feelings, even if your memories are not as precise as the feelings. Therapy could be very useful to deal with those feelings. It makes sense that as time passes and you become more mature, you'll find it useful to "re-process" it. On the practical side, after having been in prison all these years, I would imagine that the last thing he wants is to go back. Coming near you at all would probably send him back; he probably wants to avoid you like the plague. I'm not clear on whether the restraining order is because of something he did or threatened to do, but I'm guessing it's probably a normal precautionary measure. If this is so, I think the likelihood is very much against his returning. I know it seems as though, if it happened once, it could happen again. But I would guess the odds are very much against it. I would guess that your fear is more a product of the old situation. But if your fear is making your life difficult, please do get some more direct help. Best of luck to you.
Hi {{{got2}}}, I too am so sorry for your pain in this matter. Everyone's suggestions are very good. Just let me share a couple more from my family's experience. The offender is supposed to register in the town where he plans to reside. You should be able to find out whether or not he is returning to your town by checking with your local police station. They are supposed to register with their local police station within a couple of days of being released. If they don't, it is a violation of parole. It might help you to know just how close or far he is living from you and you can avoid that neighborhood or have someone accompany you when you must go there. I think the suggestion to take a self defense class is excellent. It is empowering to know how to know you can fend off an attacker. Plus, the mental and emotional methods of focus taught in class are valuable in teaching us how to turn from fear and face life with courage. It takes time and effort but is well worth it. You also learn to sharpen your own instincts about your safety in any environment. The physical exercise is heathy as well. If the cost is a bit high, bring your letter to the head instructor, explain your situation and perhaps you can be given a partial scholarship. There are schools in my area that do this for military families and people with special situations. I think you would qualify in the special situation category. Or there may be some service you could perform to help offset your expenses, such as updating their database or wiping down the mats with disinfectant on a regular basis, etc. The idea is to get those with the right kind of positive power (police and martial arts instructors, etc.) to teach you how to be powerful to keep yourself safe. If you have faith, praying for guidance is very good as well.
I wish you well in your journey to overcome fear.
inkspring/JourneyUpward