6 months ago i split up with my boyfriend of 4 years. it was my decision but i was still devestated. I had moved away from home, to the other side of the country at 17 to be with him and it upset my parents that i was leaving. he became abusive and i was controlled in everything i did. Everyone was happy when i left him and i moved out of my flat that i shared with him and into a single bedroom (that was actually the diningroom) in a student house. i was ok for a while but i just couldnt seem to cheer up.

Its 6 months on from the split im not ina different house with a bigger room and just got a new amazing job. but im not happy. i come home to a room alone at the end of everyday. my brother gets to go home to his girlfriend and his baby boy, my parents have eachother and im alone. My new boyfriend, who i am head over heels in love with, lives far away and i dont get to see him as often as i want. Im terrified of loosing him. About 3 months ago i fell pregnant with his baby and we decided to have a termination. I dont think its what i really wanted. I knew it would dirupt his life so much and would cause family problems for him and i couldnt do that. i think i did it for him. Ever since then i have been seriously depressed. i dont sleep very well at night. i cry almost everyday. i get chest pains basically everyday where i cry so hard. i feel like everyone is leaving me. i hardly talk to most of my friends. i dont even know why.

i find myself taking energy tablets most days just to help me through as i dont have the engery anymore.

why am i so unhappy? i have a good job and a loving boyfriend but i just cant pick myself up. i feel like im wasting my life.


Answers


bella
1507 days ago
Hi Lauradawn,

you've been through a lot the last 6 months and I credit you for leaving an abusive relationship. Abusive relationships are very consuming, meaning it takes a lot of energy to stay in them. Often the victim ends up alienated from friends and family. It takes a while to heal from bad relationships.

I'm wondering if you moved on to another BF too soon?? To be honest I think you're mourning the loss of the baby you terminated. You said you did it for him - which IMO wasn't right. It doesn't matter if his family wasn't okay or if he wasn't okay - you had the right to have this baby. I think you really need someone to talk to about this.

Before when you were in the abusive relationship, I'm sure it was all about him and not about you. Now you're in another relationship and again, you're concerned with what your BF wants and not what you want. You need to think about what you want for once. When a pregnancy is terminated your body stills goes through hormonal fluctuations afterwards, like a regular full term pregnancy - you may be experiencing this. Take some time to recover and think about speaking with a therapist. I hope you feel better.



lauradawn
1506 days ago
I wasnt really alienated from my friends, i dont think. Since i split with him i have spent so much time with them and i have been able to go to town and stay at theirs which i wasnt allowed to do before so we all became closer afterwards. But when i finished my degree in June they stopped talking to me slowly and i didnt even get any messages from them for my birthday.

i dont feel like i got involved with someone else too soon. i didnt like being single i am someone who suits a relationship and my new boyfriend is amazing. He has told me that i need to talk to someone but i find it really hard to sit in a room with someone i dont know and talk to them. I find it so much easier writing, which is one of the reasons i found this site.

So much has gone on in the past 6 months, ive even had problems with things such as my card being cloned and every penny i owned was taken.

thanks for replying to me.



Chemar
1507 days ago
Hi

just like women can suffer post partum depression when they have a baby, so a termination or miscarriage can also cause it. That is what you may be experiencing. Your hormones were in pregnant mode and then suddenly no more...this is known to cause emotional upheaval

then added to that is the fact that it sounds like you may not really have wanted to terminate...with all the emotions that brings!

Did the place where you had the termination offer any counseling? that would be very beneficial to you, as would a visit to your doctor for a checkup. be sure to tell the doctor the symptoms you have been having. if you are part of a religious group, try also talking to a spiritual mentor as abortion often is followed by feelings of guilt and worry.

I hope your boyfriend is being very supportive and sensitive to your feelings, and that things will get better for you. Congrats on getting the new job.



lauradawn
1506 days ago
He is really suportive for me. He is always there when i need him, even if he is only on the end of the phone. the place i went did have a counciling service but i cant sit in a room with someone i dont know and talk to them, especially about something so personal.

Thanks for your reply.



Chemar
1506 days ago
I do hope you will see your doctor Lauradawn

they may need to put you on hormonal therapy or a short term med until the depression lifts. We obviously cant diagnose you over the internet, even tho some who answer here are qualified, but it really sounds like the symptoms you have are related to the termination, which followed after all the other trauma in your life. I know you say it will be hard to talk with someone you dont know, but keeping it all inside is only going to keep compounding its effect on you.

I am not sure if you are a praying person, but maybe try going to a quiet place and release all this to God.he loves you and he alone truly knows and understands what you have been through