6 months ago i split up with my boyfriend of 4 years. it was my decision but i was still devestated. I had moved away from home, to the other side of the country at 17 to be with him and it upset my parents that i was leaving. he became abusive and i was controlled in everything i did. Everyone was happy when i left him and i moved out of my flat that i shared with him and into a single bedroom (that was actually the diningroom) in a student house. i was ok for a while but i just couldnt seem to cheer up.
Its 6 months on from the split im not ina different house with a bigger room and just got a new amazing job. but im not happy. i come home to a room alone at the end of everyday. my brother gets to go home to his girlfriend and his baby boy, my parents have eachother and im alone. My new boyfriend, who i am head over heels in love with, lives far away and i dont get to see him as often as i want. Im terrified of loosing him. About 3 months ago i fell pregnant with his baby and we decided to have a termination. I dont think its what i really wanted. I knew it would dirupt his life so much and would cause family problems for him and i couldnt do that. i think i did it for him. Ever since then i have been seriously depressed. i dont sleep very well at night. i cry almost everyday. i get chest pains basically everyday where i cry so hard. i feel like everyone is leaving me. i hardly talk to most of my friends. i dont even know why.
i find myself taking energy tablets most days just to help me through as i dont have the engery anymore.
why am i so unhappy? i have a good job and a loving boyfriend but i just cant pick myself up. i feel like im wasting my life.
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