I have read through many of these responses to depression, especially concerning those with suicidal desires, and like them I see no real point to it all. My ex-wife is just about to be remarried and seems to have it all, yet all I do is end up forking more money to her so that she can absorb my friends, my son, and my life. I can't stand to be around other people anymore, nor can I bring myself to even go through the motions of the things I used to enjoy. I have been without any companionship for two years now, a truth that depresses me for its loneliness yet gladdens me for I know that I will be safe from traitors and backstabbers. I guess, unlike most suicide survivors, I've tried to kill myself twice and I regret that both occasions were unsuccessful. Is this all there is for me, to work and be alone until either I die of one of my addictions or I just fall apart? I don't know, and I'm sorry if none of this information is actually helpful, but I've decided that if things don't change for me by the time I'm twenty-eight then I will tend to it myself. I refuse to live life in this squallor, with no reason to come home except to guard my possessions because they're apparently important. Quality of life is more important than quantity, and I'm not going to perpetuate this fraud simply to please others.


Answers


organusmax
2086 days ago
I'm really sorry that you feel being at the end of the rope. You mentioned your ex-wife getting remarried and that you have to pay her money. Alimony payments? I take it that you parted on really bad terms. I also get the impression that your wife left you in a manner you consider "betrayal" or "backstabbing". If she's indeed a traitor or a backstabber, then do you really think she's truly happy? She may have it all, but I don't think anyone who got it all at the expense of hurting others will be genuinely happy. If the dissolution of your marriage could be blamed on her, it is likely she'll just repeat the same mistake over and over again. How do you know her future spouse won't share the same fate with you? Good marriage takes everything that is incompatible with what you describe as "traitor and backstabbing" tendencies. It takes trust, respect and acceptance of the other as you are. Just because you could not trust your former wife, she didn't respect you nor accept you as you are, does not mean you won't find a woman who will respect you, who you can trust and who accepts you as you are. It's possible. But you have to give it time before you'll find her.

As for suicide, consider the notion that suicide is a permanent solution to a problem that is temporary. Your problem isn't lifelong, it has only recently occurred it seems. Imagine someone destroying an entire city just to get rid of a single cockroach? Sounds like overkill to you? Well, that's pretty much the equivalent of suicide on the macro level.

I can understand that you feel pain. But there are options other than killing yourself to end that pain. You can try to decrease your pain and/or improve your coping resources. I know you implied that you feel alone, but do you have any friends or close persons to you who you can talk to about your problems? Even if not, you could try something that seems totally out of character, like starting a new project, picking up a new hobby or something like that. Also, you stated you're unwilling to perpetuate the fraud just to please others. The impressing I'm getting is that you're not fed up with life in general. But in particular with the life the sole purpose of which is to please others. Could you envision a life that leaves more room for pleasing yourself or doing what satisfies you? What do you think could be done in order to get from here to there?



Clyde
2085 days ago
I am sorry to hear you feel this way too. Suicide is definitely a permanent thing to a more temporary issue.

Is there any new hobbies, places, or things you can do that will help change your perspective on your life, such as not handing out all that money to others and spending some on your own self?

Best,

Clyde



lrussell69
1131 days ago
28? Your wife left you because she's not a lesbian (doesn't like pussies).