I have read through many of these responses to depression, especially concerning those with suicidal desires, and like them I see no real point to it all. My ex-wife is just about to be remarried and seems to have it all, yet all I do is end up forking more money to her so that she can absorb my friends, my son, and my life. I can't stand to be around other people anymore, nor can I bring myself to even go through the motions of the things I used to enjoy. I have been without any companionship for two years now, a truth that depresses me for its loneliness yet gladdens me for I know that I will be safe from traitors and backstabbers. I guess, unlike most suicide survivors, I've tried to kill myself twice and I regret that both occasions were unsuccessful. Is this all there is for me, to work and be alone until either I die of one of my addictions or I just fall apart? I don't know, and I'm sorry if none of this information is actually helpful, but I've decided that if things don't change for me by the time I'm twenty-eight then I will tend to it myself. I refuse to live life in this squallor, with no reason to come home except to guard my possessions because they're apparently important. Quality of life is more important than quantity, and I'm not going to perpetuate this fraud simply to please others.
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