Just want to know if anyone has experience with suicide.. I'm 35 y/o and have 2 daughters ages 14 and 2. I've just had so much bad luck in life that I'm feeling like I just want to be done. I'm not religious at all and I am very close to my family. I would hate to hurt them but I feel dead inside. Don't know what to do anymore.


Answers


smmath
1000 days ago
i really don't want you to die. think about this children who have parents who commit suicide are more likely to attempt it. why do you want to die? have you talked to a mental health person, they can really help you



bella
1000 days ago
Since you asked if anyone has experience, I'll share mine. I lost my older brother almost 4 yrs this April and this causes an immense amount of mental anguish to family, especially the children. I'll be honest - this isn't a legacy you want to leave on your kids and family. Its the main reason I answer questions here - to help someone who may be on the edge. I agree with the other poster - your kids will be thrust into mental pain too. Think of the legacy of pain, as a heavy backpack on your kids back - they will forever carry this pain. This is the clear truth of what suicide leaves behind.

I'm sorry you're in pain and you need to reach out to all the helpful resources available. We all have low points where we feel exasperated and void of strength - this is when you need to be patient and get help. You need to keep living for your kids and yourself - life is a journey that needs to be completed, not interrupted. These low points will pass. Are you in treatment for mental illness? Here's a compassionate website to look at:

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/



justtired
1000 days ago
Not in any treatment. So I should just go on feeling dead inside? I feel if I write them a letter explaining myself they'll understand. If my family and friends really love me they would understand why I feel I have to do this.



Wiz
999 days ago
Life has a way of testing you and it is not fair.

Live for your daughters.

Don't quit on them.

I have felt like giving up but I just didn't want to let any one else put me there.

But bottom line, YOU can make every day happy or YOU can hate every day.

Do you wake up and smile at your kids or are they a burden. You are becoming a victim, and you are letting others control your life. Take it back. It is your life. Succeed don't be the victim.



justtired
1000 days ago
I'm just tired of life. I grew up in a loving family. I had a happy childhood. I have many friends and I have my kids. When I was about 22 I was attacked and my teeth were damaged and a metal plate was put in my face so I don't feel attractive anymore. This has affected my relationships since. I was arrested and charged with a felony assault for punching a guy once who threatened my life. I dropped out of college to help a past girlfriend of mine get through college and when she did she dumped me. My closest person to me was my mother who just recently passed away. I can't find work to provide for my daughters. I'm just tired of life at this point.



bella
1000 days ago
I'm very sorry for all the pain and disappointment you've gone through. Do you have a wife - are you living in the family home? I'm very sorry you lost you mom and you may be still grieving. I understand many men associate lack of financial stability with low self worth but that's not fair or correct. Over the past few years, there has been more suicides and murders because of the incredible burden that comes with financial stress.

Please reach out for help to find solutions. I'm also sorry you don't feel attractive because of the facial injury but honestly a good woman won't care about this. Look at JR Matinez on Dancing With The Stars - he severely disfigured but still manages to be optimistic. Lets deal with your problems by reaching out for medical and social assistance. A note does explain but it doesn't soothe the long term pain. Your kids don't care about you not having money or looks, if it came down to losing their dad completely.



justtired
1000 days ago
Ohh. I recently found out I may have some serious health problems and my girlfriend and babys mother just broke up with me.



bella
1000 days ago
What are the serious health problems? Sorry your GF broke up with you. I empathize you've had some very significant bad breaks and yes life sucks sometimes, but you can't give up. You can reach out for help and persevere in spite of these bad life breaks.



justtired
1000 days ago
I'll wait till tonight before doing anything to hear your suggestions. I love my daughters and family very much and would like to find another way but right now I don't see any other way.



justtired
1000 days ago
I won't speak to anyone else. I'm just hoping someone can tell me something worth living for. Life used to be fun. Now I hate waking up.



bella
1000 days ago
I'm happy to talk to you and you can also join the forum section by clicking on Community but suicidal posts that indicate intention aren't allowed. I'll be straight with you - its easy to live when life is going great, but when things are very bad life's a challenge but you can't bail on life. Get in touch with some constructive anger and fight to keep going. I'm in a very difficult marriage and I have a 14 and 10 yr old. I refuse to let anything make me give up and I want you to feel the same. The webiste I gave you in a good one and you can talk to them also. Can you at least tell your doctor you're feeling depressed? Keep talking here.



justtired
1000 days ago
GI problems. May have cancer. But why can't I give up? I'm sure my family and friends don't want to see me sick or sad.



bella
1000 days ago
Have they done a biopsy and confirmed its cancer? True family don't want to see someone they love sad or suffer but they also don't want you to give up. Can you speak to those family members. With GI problems, they need to do a biopsy - either a scope down the esophagus or the other end (sorry TMI). If someone does have a terminal illness, then this is something they need to speak to a doctor about. You can't just bail if you might have cancer - they have better treatment today.



justtired
1000 days ago
It's ok. I can see there's no help. I'll stop posting. Thx anyway.



bella
1000 days ago
There's help if you're willing to take it - here or IRL.



justtired
1000 days ago
I don't see any hope. The illness is just the tip if the iceberg. And who says I can't bail? It is my life.



Chemar
1000 days ago
Hello

you ask why you should keep living? Your children is why!!

Imagine what it would do to them is you take your own life! nevermind the rest of your family.

I would like to suggest a forum where there are others who can answer your questions Hello

you ask why you should keep living? Your children is why!!

Imagine what it would do to them is you take your own life! nevermind the rest of your family.

I would like to suggest a forum where there are others who can answer your questions http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

They are survivors of suicide themselves, or family members of loved ones lost to suicide.

Here is also a helpline if you need to talk to someone (800) 273-8255



justtired
1000 days ago
Tried the forum. Can't find my posts. Just more aggravation. Nevermind.



bella
1000 days ago
Did you belong to Neurotalk or the PC forum?? I tried my best to give you many reasons to keep on going - not just the fluff a hotline would. When you say there's "no hope and never mind", this leaves us hanging. Obviously you posted for a reason and we gave them to you. Yes its your life, but if you bail, you're imposing your sadness on anyone who loves you. You'll be the person who killed himself - not the dad, the son, the brother - they'll feel shame, anger and frustration you left behind. We're here to help those who are willing to accept it.



MEdwards
1000 days ago
Sir, I want you to consider something. The only reason you think that letter of yours would make sense to your family is because it makes sense to you. I can all but guarantee you, no matter what you write or how well you express your thoughts, your family will never understand what you've done or why you've done it. They will likely spend the rest of their lives wondering how they could've helped you and why they didn't pick up the fact that something was wrong. Your daughters will spend the rest of their lives without their daddy.

I want you to go into your room and find a picture of your daughters. You are holding the most precious reason in the world in your hands by picking that picture up. If you can't do this for you, do it at least for them. Don't deprive two little girls of their father.

There is help out there. There is a way through everything. This is not the way.



Chemar
999 days ago
I am seeing your posts and replies to them on the forum justtired



justtired
999 days ago
I'm trying guys. I'm still here but I don't feel any better. I wake up and cry all morning. I haven't eaten in 2 days. Why is this happening? I used to be full of life. Now I can't get out of bed on my own.



Chemar
998 days ago
Justtired, have you been to see a doctor? You may be suffering from a chemical imbalance causing these intense depressed feelings, or something else triggering all this. Also, during the winter time, with less daylight and sunshine, some people suffer with a condition known as S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and it can make existing depression even more intense. Light Therapy (daylight lamps) can really help with this.

If you are not eating properly, this can also add to your depressions.

I am thankful you are also talking to the group on NeuroTalk



justtired
998 days ago
Went to see doctor last week. Told me I may have cancer. I've tried to do everything to feel better and I don't. Been laying in bed hoping to find the strength to keep on but I can't. I'm so tired of feeling like this.



Chemar
998 days ago
Justtired, yes, I know the doctor told you that it *may* be cancer, but have you seen anyone about possible clinical depression, which is often caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, something that being on the correct medication can help? It really sounds like you may be suffering that, and that all the other stuff is intensifying it. Can you make an appointment to see a psychologist, explain it is urgent.

Please remember suicide destroys more than just the life that is taken....your children and other family will live with the pain of that all their lives! Please keep talking to the members at NeuroTalk too.

I know you said you are not religious, and I don't believe religion holds all the answers, but I do believe in God and that a relationship with him, even in the hardest of times, can make a major difference. I am praying for you to find hope.



justtired
998 days ago
Thx. I'll try to look into it.



Jeremy
997 days ago
Taking your life is not a good option. Take it from someone that tried it at age 21. I overdosed seriously bad and I can tell you what I experienced. I remember taking all the different pills and eventually the incredible pain in my stomach. Eventually I blacked out only to awaking to my heart beating erratic. I remember my heart stopping and my spirit began to rise out of my body only to reach the point where I would begin to separate at the my head and then my mind would panic and my heart would kick in to overdrive. Well this happened about 3 times before I blacked out again. I awoke to complete blackness and I was aware I had a body, my thoughts and I was conscious of it. No feeling, no light, no sound, no smell, no heartbeat. I mean there was nothing. Well needless to say I was afraid and said a small prayer and said to myself I will lay here till I go to sleep and if I’m still here when I awake I’ll deal with it. Well eventually I passed out and woke 3 days later to find myself back in the world of light. Now this could have been an extreme case where my nervous system was in complete shock and all my senses shut down. I did seek professional help a week later. The doctors said I should not be alive with what I took. I come to believe I did die and was somewhere else with nothing in existence but my pathetic consciousness. I believe there is more to life after we die and the choices we make in this world effect us in the next life. Karma is a b****. I am now 37 and wish I could say my life has changed completely, except it hasn’t. Though, even as bad as things can get I no longer consider suicide an option.