Would someone kill me? Please...

Posted by iwishiwasdead 111 days ago (Question)

I'm sixteen. I've been depressed and suicidal for about two years now. Apparently I have something wrong with me. I have my moments when I'm pretty awkward. I think it has something to do with my ocd. Not only the kids in school, but also my parents make fun or talk about my weirdness behind my back. I don't mean to act awkward it just happens. I'd do anything to be normal and have friends.

I don't know why no one wants to be my friend, or even have any kind of relations to me. I dress nice, I have nice shoes, and I clean up pretty well. But I guess that doesn't matter. As long as you don't have nice long hair, do drugs, or get fucked up you wont be liked.

I hate my parents and my parents hate me. I know they are embarrassed of me because they've said it many times. My dad curses at me, beats me, and destroys my things. My mom thinks I deserve what I get. I blame my parents for how messed up I am.

I want to kill myself but at the same time I don't because I'm a Christian. The Bible basically says that if we take our own life we'll be denied from the kingdom of Heaven or something. So that is why I wish someone other than myself could take my life. I've asked God many times to just take my life/kill me... but as you can see I'm still alive.

Nothing has been getting better for me. I'll probably kill myself by the middle of next year reguardless of being a Christian. There's only so much I can take between problems with my parents, problems at school, my own problems; mood swings ect.

13 Answers

Answers

Written by amandatory 110 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

I think you should talk to a professional about this, maybe a psychologist, especially if you are suicidal. the best of luck to you.

Written by bellacutie 110 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

I'm sorry you feel so sad right now. Are you on any medication or seeing a therapist for your problem? If your parents(Dad) physically abuses you, then you need to tell someone about this. Is there a relative you can trust and talk to?

No matter what suicide is never the answer. Here is a good website:

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

You're right about the cool crowd - often times they do drink, do drugs and make bad moral decisions, so don't worry about blending in with them. When you go back to school you should go and speak to your school counsellors and tell them about your home life/problems.

What are your OCD symptoms like - can you give us some examples. If you can't get support from your family, then you need to get it from officials at school, when you go back. You need to realize that you can learn to live with and manage OCD. There is a new book called 'Life In Rewind' by Michael Jenike and Edward Zines. It's based on the life of a famous football player who has OCD - he was incapacitated by his OCD and had to count to 1500 before he did anything, which meant he didn't do much in his life, until he was successfully treated with behavioral therapy and medication. Your life doesn't have to be ruined because of your OCD - you just need help from the right people. Here's a website for OCD:

www.OCDGETHELP.org

It's very important that you never give up hope. You can also visit the OCD forums at psychcentral.com and talk to people there. I hope you get help and feel better soon. Hugs, Bella

Written by iwishiwasdead 103 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I'm really sorry for the late reply, I forgot my password for this site.

Depression has really been taking the most of me. I can't remember anything...

I'm not on any medication, and I'm not seeing a therapist.

If I was to tell someone about my dad, my dad would get in trouble. If my dad gets in trouble and gets sent to jail or something, I don't know what would happen to me and my mom because my dad is the only one bringing in income to our household. And just many other family's we are having trouble in this recession.

My ocd makes me count to 3 for everything! If I don't count to 3, I think something bad will happen to me. I dont have help with it so I try to help myself stop with the ocd. Whenever I get the thought or feeling ill punch myself or something...

Written by Edahn 110 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

I took think you should talk to a professional. If you're interested in making your life better and not being a victim of life, you certainly can do it by looking at the thoughts you carry around with you, as well as making some adjustments to your relationships. It would be a shame if you didn't at least try out some professional help.

You seem smart. Read about cognitive therapy while you visit a therapist. It has been shown to help people through depression.

~E.

Written by Clyde 109 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

I think as well that you should talk to a professional. If you worry about God punishing you for suicide, next year wont make it better if you dont talk about it, will it?

Speak to a counselor at school, as a beginning--let them know what is going on.

You are a smart lady, and it would be a shame if you didnt realize your full potential.

Best,

Clyde

Written by nick313 108 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

i found this post while i was google searching somebody please kill me because i feel the same way. i dont have problems at school but its everywhere else. i dont think you need a professional they just tell you whats wrong with you and give you medication that just shields you from acutally living and they wouldnt know any better its not like they have better experience in life because we all only get one. some days i just want someone to kill me because i cant bring myself to do it. i believed in god but the past few years have been going bad its just nice to hear someone who is going through th same exact problem as me. i think what you need is a friend who has the same problems so i will be here for you i will even give you my number 3096354976 hows that for internet secruity lol

Written by iwishiwasdead 103 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

That would be great to have someone who knows how i feel, do you have aim? :]