I'm sixteen. I've been depressed and suicidal for about two years now. Apparently I have something wrong with me. I have my moments when I'm pretty awkward. I think it has something to do with my ocd. Not only the kids in school, but also my parents make fun or talk about my weirdness behind my back. I don't mean to act awkward it just happens. I'd do anything to be normal and have friends.
I don't know why no one wants to be my friend, or even have any kind of relations to me. I dress nice, I have nice shoes, and I clean up pretty well. But I guess that doesn't matter. As long as you don't have nice long hair, do drugs, or get fucked up you wont be liked.
I hate my parents and my parents hate me. I know they are embarrassed of me because they've said it many times. My dad curses at me, beats me, and destroys my things. My mom thinks I deserve what I get. I blame my parents for how messed up I am.
I want to kill myself but at the same time I don't because I'm a Christian. The Bible basically says that if we take our own life we'll be denied from the kingdom of Heaven or something. So that is why I wish someone other than myself could take my life. I've asked God many times to just take my life/kill me... but as you can see I'm still alive.
Nothing has been getting better for me. I'll probably kill myself by the middle of next year reguardless of being a Christian. There's only so much I can take between problems with my parents, problems at school, my own problems; mood swings ect.
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