Avatar Posted by thefixer 24 days ago (Question)
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Answers

Written by solesearching 23 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think that if it were me i would explain to him first that you don't want to hurt him and then tell him you still have feelings for him and wanted to see if the feelings were mutual.

Written by thefixer 23 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

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Written by Fpsy 23 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi the fixer,

Whatever problems existed before the break up are still there. Both of you have been going through a difficult period and are searching for intimacy and closeness to help with your grieving period. If your boyfriend has feelings of suicidality he clearly has some problems with depression that require help with a professional therapist. You both could be confusing your feelings of love because you are dealing with other feelings. I think it is better to allow your boyfriend the space and time and energy to deal with his mental health issues. I think it would be wise for you to be a friend, but also set boundaries in place about the amount of intimacy that you both share. It is not your responsibility to fix your boyfriend although I realise that you care about him and want to do help him. Even though It might feel like you are not caring for him, it is better for your recovery and your x boyfriends that you remain friends but not close friends and certainly not get back together in a relationship.

Written by thefixer 23 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

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Written by Fpsy 22 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I don't think either of you are in a space at the moment to be involved with anyone let alone each other.

It takes a long while and a lot of hard work, to truly be friends after a break up. Because there is always an emotional connection. It takes at times twelve months of not seeing each other at all, to put distance between you and to allow that emotional connection to change, so that dynamic between you is different and you can relate to each other differently.

You clearly still have feelings for him, whether he feels the same way isn't the issue. Putting emotional distance between both of you is important right now. That means not spending lots of time together, not being physical with each other, not being each other closest confident and friend.

It doesn't matter what he feels for you, right now he is still recovering from his feelings of depression, and feeling suicidal. He is recovering and that is good, but he is not in a place to have a healthy relationship with someone. I don't think it's a good idea to ignore what happened before. He is moving on with therapy, you are in a better place than before but still need to work on yourself, like you said. Remain friends, but put boundaries in place. If you are still dreaming about having a relationship with him, if you still find that your attracted to him. Then it's time to stop seeing him altogether. As neither of you will full recover and move on.

Written by Clyde 20 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

You both need to work through your own issues before you move on to further kinds of friendships/relationships with him.

Best,

Clyde


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