Our son is a senior in high school - a good kid - doesn't drink or do drugs, but doesn't want to leave the house at all. He believes everyone sees him as ugly - people look at him funny because of his weight/curly hair,etc. (In reality, he is a good looking boy) He eats junk food, drinks boost to gain weight but has a hard time eating healthy food or eating food when he sees how it was cooked. Currently, he refuses to get out of bed to go to school, he has missed 10 our of 15 days. He goes hysterical when we try to force him, starts crying, screaming, etc. He says he hasn't slept at night, or has a migraine, or feels sick. At bedtime, he begins to have anxiety attacks - can't breathe, thinks he is dying or has cancer (physical shows he is healthy but underweight). On the weekends, he becomes the kid we all know and love - happy and not stressed. (He has a little brother that he is fantastic with) Over the past 6 months he completely cut off his friends - he once played travel soccer and casual basketball. He just wants to be a professional poker player(he is extremely good - finishes in top numbers consistently in "free" rolls - he doesn't put in money in) and doesn't need friends or school. He doesn't drive - first because of vision loss migraines (which he can now control by looking into a bright light) and then because of grades. Now because we will not let him get a license without driving experience (just a permit which he refuses to go get). We have finally gotten him to see a psychologist but continue to struggle getting him there. He actually went to school the next day after seeing him and the following day actually chatted on the way to school. By the next week, the psychologist didn't show up for his appt due to an unexpected situation (& tried to reschedule that night but our son refused to go). He has since missed 3 out of 5 days of school. Today, he says he will not miss another day, because they will fail him due to absences. Don't know where to turn - if he refuses to go to school another day, he fails - he is 4 months from graduating high school. Do we let him drop out, get a job and go back to school when he realizes why school is important? The stress of this situation is taking it's toll on our entire family.....
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Answers
Wow, sounds like you've got a heavy load to bare, as does your son. Taking him to a psychologist is a very good idea, and keep encouraging him to go, but also try to get him to a psychiatrist to get him diagnosed. I think he may have a disorder- anxiety, paranoia or something of the sorts- because of the things you mentioned. Normally, i would say this was a parenting issue, but in this case, i don't think it's you. Make sure he knows you're there for him, because from the way you described him, he sounds very depressed. For his diet, take him to a dietician/nutricianist. The school problem is a big issue. I'm terribly sorry to say, i don't have that much advice for that subject, but i'll try my hardest. Why don't you talk to his teachers and principle, or get him a special tutor? If you must, you could homeschool him, that's what my mother did with me and my sister for most of our school career.
I'm sorry if i couldn't be of much help.
Stay stron, keep us updated and i'll be praying for you.
Leanne
I agree with Leanne...you really do need to try to take him back to a psychologist again. If he changed so much during that one encounter, perhaps another session with another person would help also?
He does definitely sound like he has some anxiety issues and that is a reason I feel he needs checked out by a psychologist.
Best of luck...
Hi there. Yes, take him back to the psychologist while you can. He obviously felt let down by the missed appointment, and he needs to give the doctor a chance to explain and make it up to him. (Rebuild the connection.) Your son sounds very depressed and the session probably gave him some hope.
Not graduating is not the end of the world, though if he has worked all year to get to the end and doesn't it might add greatly to his depression. Do what you can to get the school to accommodate his depressive event. They can allow him to do homework and turn it in and class assignments (just as if he were in the hospital and unable to get there.) He can get other student's notes to study etc. If they still can't allow him to pass, it isn't the end of the world. He could maybe make it up during the summer, when, if he continues therapy, he will probably be feeling more like school.
Don't let this go. Teen suicide is a very real tragedy. He's probably very sensitive to any criticism at this time, so try to make all your comments as encouraging as you can. Keep giving him hope that things won't always feel this way, and how depression is a medical disorder.
You might consider taking him to his MD, especially if he won't return to the psychologist. (But I'm sure if you call the psychologist he will agree to talk to your son on the phone?)
good wishes
drjean
Thanks for the feedback - I have found this helpful and agree that not graduating with his class will add to his depression. The psychologist has finally diagnosed him with agoraphobia and depression. We are trying to get treatment for him and are hoping to get medication as soon as possible. It has been frustrating b/c we can't get our son to go back to the psychologist and commitment is our last option unless we can find the right type of place- (we are going to the psychologist when he will not). At this point, they said to get him straight and then deal with school. (We have tried to get him to do school work from home but have not been successful.) At this point, I will feel success just to get him to leave the house!
Thanks everyone!
Alli