I'd like to know what my problem is. I don't know
where to begin. I've always known there was something
seriously wrong with me, I just can't pin-point
what it is that is so wrong.
Well first of all I want to let everyone know that
I have never been to a professional about any of this
and I'm a full functioning member of society,
on the outside. I have a job, I go to school, I'm g
trying my best to make good grades in College.
My mom is a real problem, but I can just ignore her
but anyway I can't pin the blame on someone else
I'm the one with serious issues. Okay, well to start
I can get so excited about something, like
strangely excited where I can feel myself
getting out of control. It feels like I can't control
and I'm slowing losing it. A good analogy is
if you were to fill a glass up slowly with water,
and the water is gradually and dangerously just
at the verge where it'll gush over the brim....but
not exactly slowly the entire time either...sometimes in
gallons it pours in and that's when I have to pull back and
I know that it is so strange when it's happening
but I can't help it! I never completely go berserk
in front of anyone that is. But anyway, it's not
just excitement and happiness of course (that would
be great, who'd complain). No, it's with every emotion
When I get sad, I get deeply sad. When I'm embarrased, I'm
terribly embarrassed, like my heart all but stops beating.
Mad, same thing. I've even had a tiny capillary
burst in my eye (I didn't feel it). What's weird (as if
that wasn't weird enough) is that I feel things
with even the slightest push/ I completely fall
apart whether it's good or bad, I just break apart.
I have no self control in the emotion department.
Throughout the years (ages 15-22 which is now), I've
been able to add a numb kind of feeling in with this group
I try to just let things skim over and I try to skip
feelings/reactions and then I just feel numb.
Also, I'm afraid to make real friends. I can't really
relate. I can relate to characters in books, and movies.
This is another problem. The reason why I decided to
post something online. I can get so hooked on a character
or a "world" I see or read in a book and then
either I pretend throughout the day that I could or
DO live in that world and I mimic my favorite
character's behavior! Moreso on the latter. The
worst is that I will be so pained after reading
a good book or watching a good story that I truly
like because I don't live in that world! I will
begin to compare the crap that's in my life
to theirs! I feel overwhelming sadness. I wouldn't dare
share this with someone in my life. I feel so
jealous of characters that aren't real, like I
will even look forward to death because I feel
that perhaps then I will be given a chance to live
out my existence in those worlds. I know something is
wrong with me, obviously. There's so much more but
I don't feel like going on about such a crappy
existence. I know I have potential to be
whatever the hell I want, but I just can't seem to
get past this ridiculous measuring of my world (the real
world) and fantasy that was created by someone's
(cruel) overactive imagination! Damn.

:(


Answers


Clyde
3373 days ago
Hi there...it does sound like you have some issues that do need treating. There are many people who have went to a professional and have a life on the outside, with the school, work, etc.

It sounds like you don't like yourself or your situation that much...you are looking for escapism through magazines, movies, etc. of characters that exist only in fiction or barely at all known to you.

My friend, probably the best thing I would recommend to you is to check out therapy. Imagination will not help you much in your life, especially with real life things.

Your issues with your Mom are another matter for therapy too.

Hope this helps you.

Best,

Clyde



verona86
3373 days ago
Thank you so much for replying! It was good to hear this (read this).

Thanks. I will consider seeking help from a professional.



Clyde
3369 days ago
You are welcome very much.

Clyde



bp2hope
3370 days ago
Yes, I agree with Clyde. I think you would really benefit from therapy, as you seem to have a very good awareness of your issues and a knowledge to learn more about your self and improve your life. Go for it!